Frankly Phyllis

Which One of Us Do You Love The Most?

2012-02-24T08:52:00.002-06:00

Let’s stay with the topic of love! We’ve had a pretty good run at it so far this month!

One of my 4 kids used to wonder which of them I loved most of all. I’d tell her the story about my Grandmother to help her understand that I loved each one with the same intensity, but with individualized focus and propensity!

Grandma Kringel modeled grace and mercy to the 9’s. My biological grandmother died when I was 2 and my grandfather later married this lovely woman! She affirmed me, whether teaching me to play canasta, single deck of course, when I was 8; or exuding over the sour cherries I picked from her tree so she could make pies with my help and when she sewed clothes for my “Bride Doll.” She and Grandpa traveled to be with us when our parents went out of town. In contrast to his miserly affection, she was my cheerleader and encourager no matter what was going on in my life. She had no idea what WAS going on in my life, actually, because I was a shy child and didn’t share my fears or hopes with anyone. It would have been pretty hard for her to guess, since she’d had no children of her own.

I was drawn to my grandmother because she made me feel special, so special in fact that I was pretty sure I was her favorite. That was NOT spoken, mind you, but if I’d had a trusted friend, I would have confessed it with little guilt. I felt really good about my relationship with my grandmother. She never knew it, but there were times when she was my “life-line!” I could get quiet inside just thinking about sitting next to her on the porch swing in Pittsburgh when she tried to teach me to knit. I was terrible at it and had no patience with the knit one purl two part…but I loved being with her so much I held the needles and made truly awful looking doll scarves! Her fondness for me, her unconditional regard, soothed my soul, even when she wasn’t around.

When I had my first child, the miles between us were many, but I did take the baby to meet her. We had a sweet time. My parents traveled to see her more often in her later years and were concerned about how frugally she lived, turning off her water heater at night for instance, or cooking down her leftover bars of soap to save money. They supplemented her meager income a little now and then when she would let them. So it was with great surprise when she died and the will was read that, lo and behold….Grandma Kringel left me money in her will! There it was…my name and the amount! And, there it was…the name of every other one of her 10 grandchildren ..and their amounts, the same as mine! $2,000 for each of us! Imagine her sacrifice on our behalf! Who would have guessed? We’d all benefited from her unconditional affection, as we were able to receive it. I never talked it over with my cousins, but I assumed they must have felt as loved as I did. I wasn’t loved any less or more than they were. I was loved for who I was by who she was!

That story seemed to settle my daughter’s curiosity about how I could love each one of my four children as much as the others!

Incidentally, my dad offered to invest my inheritance for 5 years. This was in the ‘70’s and times were good. That investment increased 17 times, significantly multiplying the blessing of my grandmother’s sacrificial love! I see a reflection here of God’s love for us. The Bible calls believers “adopted” sons and daughters of the King, whom He loves equally! In fact we can’t do anything to make Him love us more or less! I was “adopted” into my grandmother’s life when my widowed grandfather married a second time. I knew my grandmother loved me, humanly speaking, for sure! God loves us for sure, no matter what. I had no idea about my grandmother’s riches until she died. In Eph 3:8 the Apostle Paul describes the “boundless riches of Christ” for us to expect and enjoy them! In RO 11:33, St. Paul again. “Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!” That’s Who God IS! That’s a peek at how His love draws us close to Him every day!

I can still feel my grandmother’s affirming presence when she comes to mind. My heavenly Father’s Presence is always with me whether I can feel it or not. Whom does He love the most? Everyone He ever made. That’s you. That’s me. And that’s the Truth! Feel the love?!

Some Kinda Love!

2012-02-16T21:52:00.002-06:00

One of my favorite love letters ever came, not on Valentine’s Day, but just in time to catch my heart by surprise! My grandson, James, who calls me “Oma,” was 5 years old when he asked his mom for an envelope. Sure…why do you want an envelope? “To write Oma a love letter!” I didn’t know about this until it came in the mail. I’d like to read it to you, if you have time! And you DO have time. 5 year old love letters aren’t very long. My name and address were printed on the envelope and inside, the penciled letter read, “Dear Oma, This is a love letter.” Love, James

This week we’ve been delivered a lot of love notes at best, love topics at least. From Valentine’s Day love to the Grammy’s with their love songs about love gone wrong and love that’s good, to Whitney Houston’s tragic death and the playing and replaying of her hit, “I will always love you!” This church choir child came from a privileged heritage that included famous soul singers like her mother Cissy Houston, cousins Dionne Warwick and Dee Dee Warwick, and her godmother Aretha Franklin. Whitney was 11 when she sang in her New Jersey church's junior gospel choir. After being discovered and nurtured by Clive Davis, she went on to win diamond, multi-platinum, platinum and gold for her incredible voice. 140 million albums, sold worldwide. She sang the song in her heart to the world that fell in love with her. But along the way, something changed her tune, altered the key in which she lived her life and nothing was ever the same. The beauty and grace of her notes and her face had a different place toward the end of her “space,” called 48 years.

Her music lives on, as does her inspiration. I take to heart other lessons from her life as well. In her 2009 interview with Oprah, Whitney openly confessed her dilemma, especially concerning drugs and a difficult marriage. "When it gets to the point where you're sitting in your home and you're just trying to cover what you don't want people to know. It's painful," she said. "And then you want more, just so that you don't let anybody see you cry."

Whitney Houston revealed that"amazingly," through it all, she continued to read the Bible. "I knew God was there. I knew the light was there and I was just trying to get back to it." She also told Winfrey that her ex-husband "was my drug...that's what my high was. Him." How easy it is for us to put someone or some THING on a pedestal and do what they do, let ourselves be enticed, even when we know God warns us to “have no other gods before Me.”

One of the many messages in this highly talented woman’s life is to be careful with whom we spend time and with whom we fall in love. When the Bible teaches to “guard your heart,” that includes falling in love wisely, because when you fall in love you give you heart to the object of your love. Pedro Arrupe, born in Spain, served the Lord as a missionary for much of his incredibly dedicated life (1907-1991). He described this love, “What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what gets you out of bed in the mornings, what you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.”

“I will always love you”..is the way we all WANT to be loved. But there’s only One Who loves perfectly like that. We leave Whitney’s eternal destiny in the Hands of a loving God whose mercy and grace will be celebrated in her memorial service for family and friends, right where she first fell in love with Jesus.

Part of the take away for me is that it’s not only about how she died, how we die, when and where. It’s “Where do we go from there?” How did we live for Christ, IN Christ, with Christ? How did we respond to His promise to be with us always, even to the end of the age? Dolly Parton wrote “I will always love you” to a business partner she was leaving. Jesus says, “I will always love you” to you and to me. The music stopped in Whitney’s case. But the beat goes on because God says through Christ, “I will always love you.” Some kinda love! What’s your response?

Feb 10 The Valentine of All Valentines!

2012-02-16T21:50:00.001-06:00

Are you decorating a shoebox to be filled with valentines from your friends next week? Maybe not, but I bet you salivate when you see those little boxes of heart shaped candies! It’s not that they’re so good, but that we’re conditioned to do that, beginning with our first tiny candy hearts with “u r cute” printed on them! Well, guess what? Marketing picked up on that one a long time ago. Those folks use the same principle, more often than we realize, to get the pupils of our eyes to dilate with pleasure over a product or idea, or to get us to respond in a certain way. Buyer beware! The more aware we are, the less we fall for the wrong response triggers out there!

Our human nature goes for marketing gimmicks like earning bonus points or double coupons when we shop here, work out there, fly a certain airline enough for a free round trip. Obviously some of it’s to our advantage, so why not? My question is, why is that so appealing? It’s partly because we like something for nothing, we’re drawn to the extras, the add-on’s. They give us reward. There’s nothing wrong with that. But when you use ‘em up, where’s the reward? After we get the prize, the free trip, the free whatever it is, then it’s “Thanks for the memories.” That lasts awhile, but eventually it’s back to start and we have to earn the bonus points, the add-on’s all over again.

By contrast, God’s great, over-the-top marketing of His love is a bonus, like a reward we can never use up. For openers, we can’t even earn it. He doesn’t dole it out as a perk for good behavior or for praying to Him so many times a day or attending church every week. He gives it freely because God IS love. BTW, “freely” doesn’t just mean gladly, to everyone, always no matter what you’ve done or are doing. That’s true and it would be more than enough, but He goes even further on the love scale. His love is free. It costs us nothing. But it cost Him everything. So he’s serious about love. His commitment is to everyone who believes His Son Jesus Christ willingly/lovingly gave His life on the cross for our sins. He didn’t do this just to start a religious movement. Love came down at Christmas, lived among us so we could see Love in the flesh and then Love conquered sin, death and the power of the devil.

This is the Valentine of all Valentines. Whether or not we get a long stemmed rose or a box of candy or valentine card from someone special, we have an everlasting Love from The Living God, Who makes our hearts beat one hundred and three thousand, six hundred and eighty nine [103,689] times a day! Those beats long for Him because He built that in to our design. St. Augustine put it this way, "God loves each of us as if there were only one of us."

His everlasting, unfailing love is bigger than any candy, cake or flower shaped heart we can imagine. It’s sweeter than anything we’ve come up with since time began! It’s a little like the way humans market, come to think of it. We hear about this Love of God for us, even though we don’t understand it and can not wrap our human minds around it. Then when we welcome God’s Holy Spirit into our hearts, He gradually teaches Who He is and about the take away for us in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, things like forgiveness and courage and peace that passes understanding. We open up to the potential we have through this Love as we try it on. And we get a FREE TRIP at the end! This is not a round trip, but entrance into the very Presence of our Heavenly Father, the Love of our lives, for eternity! Won’t that be heavenly! Think about it as you open that Valentine right now! And as you pass it on, remember why… We love, because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19

For the Love of God

2012-02-03T14:22:00.000-06:00

Does anybody know where the expression, “For the love of God!” originated? I can’t find the source. When I hear reverent people who love The Lord God Almighty, say “For the love of God,” it focuses me on His love, over all other kinds of love. I do say it to myself now and then as a reminder of that in trying moments. But I have to confess, I won’t say it out loud, because it can sound like I’m taking the name of the Lord in vain, about which He warns, “DON’T!”

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, something new popped into my thinking. I’ll call these examples of the “love of God” that’s missing among us. Through the years people I care about have “graduated to heaven,” as my friend Pastor David Maier puts it. Go to womantowomanradio.com for my interview with David Maier & his wife and son. It was the first show in 2011. It’s called “Out of Control Is Ok!” Incredible story of facing opposition. Back to “the love of God” expression and those missing among us. As I attend events where my now “graduated to heaven” friends were major players, I see things that aren’t as lovely right now, simply because the person who shared the love of God in them, is gone. This is not meant to slight anyone. It caught me by surprise, but it’s happened more than once, so I do want to think further on it.

For example, to give you an idea of where I’m headed, at the church dinners, bazaars, especially the soup and salad fun raiser, it’s not the same anymore. I finally figured out what’s missing. It’s Shirley’s homemade soup and her fresh baked breads, loaves and loaves of different breads, which she cut with an electric knife! And her jams and jellies aren’t there either, much less her pickles. Also missing are Margaret’s little potted aloe plants and other starts from summer cuttings neatly rooted to take home. Her home grown elephant garlic and generous bunches of fresh basil, absent from the offerings on the table. Now we have good enough rolls from the bakery and no one comments on the soups, but we all know the difference. We’re in a bit of a pickle.

I did inquire once, to see if Shirley’s recipes went missing. No, I was told, she did them from her head and never wrote them down! Now she’s forgetful and that was that. I left it alone and moved on and then one day it hit me. Shirley and Margaret and the others carefully, dutifully, endlessly, joyfully shared their gifts quietly through the years. We’d all say “Uhmm, wonderful!” and “Thank you for taking the trouble to do all this!” But who wondered what would come next?

That’s what I’m wondering right now. WHO will come next? Part of my answer came rather too quickly. “You will!” I heard very clearly in my head. I’ve enjoyed serving the Lord by loving people with other gifts than those that are missing. But as I’m getting older, would it be a nice way to love through some of those replacement duties that are missing? I do pick my own berries and fruits all summer and put them up. How much trouble would it be to make a few more batches? I used to make all our breads before the best bakery in the world came to town. I could do that again, just for special church occasions. The aroma would be worth it! And maybe I’ll even buy an electric slicing knife! I give friends slips of my garden plants all summer long. I suppose I could pot a few to put out for others to buy and raise some money for charity. About those soups…uhm hmm…well, I could cook up some of favorites from the WomantoWomanrado.com website recipe column. I’d forgotten how my sister and I used to trail the gargantuan pickle truck over to Bear Lake, MI from the cottage and wait til it loaded up all the right sized cucumbers and left. Then we’d buy a bushel of odd sizes to take home and pickle! I still have those mason jars!

Thanks for accompanying me on this mental detour! Does it make you wonder how you can restore some of the LOVEliness that’s missing in your little corner of the world? Maybe that’s where the saying ,“For the Love of God” came from; someone pondering, “Now what will I do to share it!” Your turn!

Convincing Me!

2012-01-26T22:21:00.003-06:00

This week I’ve enjoyed the Florida Gulf coast, in a different way than Santorum, Gingrich and Romney! I’m not working any crowds, doing any convincing, like they are these days. Instead I’m BEING CONVINCED. And politics has nothing to do with it!

On our morning beach walks we marvel at red, white and black mangrove trees. These guardians of the shore grow in estuaries where freshwater from the land mixes with saltwater from the ocean, creating brackish water. On a guided nature hike we learned that black mangrove trees exude the salt through their leaves and their trunks, literally sweating it out to maintain the right balance to thrive. These fascinating trees not only protect the shores from storms, they also cradle the nursery of the seas. The brackish water in which the mangrove trees grow, gives fish and shellfish strong starts in a protective ecosystem.

We saw a Gopher Tortoise, a land turtle protected from extinction by the State of FL for what he does. This guy digs down 6’, then makes a tunnel 30’ long and then the neighbors move in… numbering more than 350 other species! Talk about, "There goes the neighborhood!" We walked under The Great Blue Heron and Egrets flying overhead and the Black Skimmer scooping up fish as it skimmed the top of the water. We stood within 20 feet of dozens of huge Pelicans diving straight into the Gulf and popping up with a mouthful every time. All of this captivating, even breathtaking. I think of God’s particular concern for creation when I stand in the midst of it like this. In Matthew 10:29-31 we read, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

Just as I was oohing and aahing, our conservancy guide pointed out beautiful orbweaver spiders creating massive silk webs. I wondered out loud, “Why in the world would God invest so much of Himself in things that few notice or appreciate?” I’d walked that same area earlier in the week and hadn’t picked up on the detail. I’ve thought about it a lot since. All of the creatures and pieces of creation we encountered on our walks is staying with me, even though I’m back home in my daily routines which do not include what I’ve just described. I have a renewed sense of how God is wooing us.

I’m being convinced this week through His provision and protection for lesser creatures that makes me trust His complete and total provision for me in what Christ accomplished on the Cross and then rising from the dead! My holiday at the shore has washed away some of life’s fears and replaced them with faith. And it only took a few spiders, a relic turtle and some dashing birds of the air to do it! What will it take for you to be further convinced that you can trust the Lord Who counts the hairs on your head and the sparrows that fall from the sky? Unlike the way political candidates try to convince us, God wants to convince us without forcing the issue. He reveals His glory in the everyday ways He comes to us. He doesn’t say, “Take it or leave it.” It’s not, “Believe it or not,” like with the candidates. It’s more taste and see that the Lord is good. Enjoy being convinced!

Trust God in the Details

2012-01-20T09:41:00.001-06:00

Last week my husband and I were excited because our son, Brooks, was flying in from across the world where he lives. We email, text and Skype … but there’s nothing like person to person! Especially with our kids. Lots of us have this challenge. Our kids go with the job opportunity that often takes them far away. To have Brooks home for three whole days would be heavenly for us and give him time for the jetlag rebound! I worried about his layover at O’Hare, which in my experience is prone to closing over things, like rain, wind, snow, ice and lake effect - anything. I steeled myself against COUNTing on his arrival and checked weather.com about 7 times a day! I think moms have a God-given right to hover like that!

We had a plan. Friday airport pick up by our St. Louis son-in-law and Friday dinner in our Illinois home for all of us until Brooks “crashed” in our earlier time zone!

As winter weather advisories loomed, I prayed “expecting,” as they say. Expecting a strong “maybe.” To be honest, I knew this little side trip could be cancelled by weather and Brooks would have to stay in Chicago, which was his meeting destination in the first place. The only thing I knew for sure… he would if he could.

With the FRIDAY dinner deadline in mind, I was slightly distracted by our first significant snow of the year on Thursday. With 2-3” here in St. Louis and a predicted 7-10” in Chicago, my anxiety meter went up. Maybe by Friday O’Hare would be shoveled out and Brooks’ flight would land. I must have had pretty balanced brain chemistry that Thursday, because when our daughter, Hannah, called and asked if she and the kids could come over to sled and stay for dinner, I said “YES!” Normally I’d be flying through the house with last minute prep. But the house was ready, so we sledded instead. My body was sledding, but my head was fussing over Brooks getting here the next day. We ended up eating dinner out. After all, I had my sites set on a big dinner the NEXT night when Brooks arrived.

Hannah’s husband was running late, so we ordered for her kids. Meanwhile, I’m planning how much baking I can still get done before I go to bed when these nice people go home! That’s when the kids at the dinner table looked straight past me and called out, “Brooksie!” There he was. A day early and that’s why their daddy was late! The airport run!

I turned and my eyes saw him, the beautiful sight of my son, but I couldn’t take it in. In fact, I couldn’t process his actually being there until later that evening. What IS that? It’s like a trick. When I pray for something and it’s answered, why don’t I “get it” right away? Why does it take so long for it to sink in?

In a way this reminds me of Acts 12 when King Herod was on a rampage against Christians and beheaded James, the brother of John? He put his next victim, the Apostle Peter, in prison under military guard until after Passover when he would be killed. The church prayed fervently to God for Peter’s release. The very night before Herod planned to execute him, Peter was asleep between two soldiers, secured by chains, with sentries guarding the doors. You can read how an angel tapped Peter on the shoulder to wake up, walked him out of the prison and down the street. Peter thought it was a vision. But realizing that he’d been rescued, he went to the house where they were praying for him. Rhoda, the maid, answers the door, recognizes his voice, doesn’t open the door, but in her excitement runs back to tell the others who tell her she’s crazy! Rhoda believes and the others, including the apostles, don’t! I can identify after seeing, but not seeing, Brooks a day early from across the world!

The take-away from all of this: We can get so antsy over the answer, we can’t recognize it when it arrives.

It’s Leap year… so let’s leap into 2012 expecting answers. Like Isaiah tells us, “Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save nor His ear too dull to hear.” He’s the “more than” God..more than you would think or ask. As it turned out, Brooks caught an earlier flight due to a cancelled meeting. He decided to surprise us. By coming in a day early, although his international flight was an hour and a half late into O’Hare, he caught a flight to St. Louis with 10 minutes to spare. It was the last flight out of O’Hare because of the weather! No-one knows the behind the scenes story most of the time. Even more reason to trust God in the details of our lives.

Call for Help You Can Count On!

2012-01-13T09:04:00.002-06:00

JANUARY 13, 2012 Call For Help You Can Count On!

On this “Friday with Phyllis,” I’d like to tell you about my friend Lisa, who’s also my egg lady! Whenever I stop for eggs my world gets bigger by learning how to hold carrots for the horse or how to pick up the rabbits, but last week was singular! Lisa has two gorgeous Partridge Cochin roosters who strut their stuff with lots of fluff, but it was a little rough for one last September. Lisa’s husband was out of town and in the middle of the night, over the air conditioning, she somehow heard a ruckus out in the chicken shed. She grabbed a flashlight and went to find a raccoon lurking in the hen house. He’d dug his way under the door and scrambled out the way he’d come in as soon as Lisa put him in the spotlight! Her light also revealed a badly mangled rooster cowering in the corner, reeling from his predator’s attack. His head was a mess because the raccoon had him by the head. “He was almost gonna be dinner,” she told me.

Now I’m hearing this story last week, four months later, while the roosters are strutting toward me from across the yard, as happy as you please. Even with Buster, the Corgi, barking to ward them off, they kept coming! It turns out they recognized Lisa standing next to me and figured she’d go get some corn. Which she did. Buster was ushered into the house, BTW, so I could get the REST of the story right next to these beautiful multicolored, large, fluffy feathered birds with fully feathered legs and feet. I had noticed one was a bit leaner than the other, but otherwise they were identical. So now I knew what had happened!

Talk about a close call. Lisa isn’t sure how she heard the squawking over the noise of the air conditioner, with the windows closed, but she and the rooster are glad she did. She saved his life. In fact, when I told Lisa I was using this story today, she said she’d tell the “boys,” the rooster brothers…so they’d have something to crow about!

When trouble digs its way into your life in a moment of physical, spiritual, emotional darkness, do you squawk like the roosters did? I hope so, maybe not that loudly, but in some appropriate way because it’s good to let it be known you need help. It can be any threat to body, soul or mind that alerts us to danger. The question is….. who hears our cries for help and shines a light into our situation? [The raccoon heard the rooster’s cry…no help there.] We want the one with the best light, don’t we, to expose what’s going on and rescue us? And WHAT if we don’t see it coming and there’s no time to squawk?

In either case, the Bible speaks to that. Hebrews 13: 5,6 "God has said, Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” The rooster was helpless. He couldn’t run for help, couldn’t save himself. Lisa had to intervene, stop the attack and get the rooster to safety. It took months for the rooster to heal and it took this incident for Lisa to secure the area under the door of the chicken house.

In 2 Cor the Apostle Paul refers to God as “The God of all comfort…Who comforts us in all our troubles.” There’s no limit to what or how God will intervene in our close calls, the attacks against us. When He shines His Light..the Light of the world, Jesus Christ, into your life, through prayer or Bible study for example, it sends away dark thoughts and circumstances. Like the rooster, we need outside intervention. We can’t save ourselves from attacks. So call on God, in the Name of His Son, Jesus Christ…Expect Him…and trust His timing and mercies in your behalf.

And now a little plug for the February 3 & 4th Women's Day of Renewal at Good Shepherd Lutheran Church in Collinsville, IL. ”Responding with Faith” is the theme. We’ll look at finding faith for our freakouts with the insights of Psychologist Dr. Melanie Wilson who teams up with me on the stage! All women are invited to this fabulous event, the 12th annual WDR at GSLC in C’vle. Expect God to shine His Light on your freakout so you can respond with Faith. His Holy Spirit gives you the faith…you have that", It’s a given," as they say. But you’re still scared, hiding in the corner of your nest, your hen house, behind your thoughts about what freaks you out. Your job, stepping out with confidence knowing your weakness, your scars may show. Like the rooster beaten up by the raccoon. But guess what…like Lisa’s flashlight shined into the rooster’s corner and scared away the raccoon..God’s Light, His Holy Spirit shines into your dark too. You have choices about how to respond to freakouts. Find out what they are at the Women's Day of Renewal. Contact: goodshepherdlutherancollinsville.org

New Year Aspirations!

2012-01-06T11:43:00.003-06:00

We have 6 days under our belt in 2012. How’s your new year’s resolution going? For some inspiration, here’s an idea. Look back over your shoulder at December 2011 when Time Magazine announced its “Person of the Year.” For 84 years the winners have included Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg in 2010, Bill & Melinda Gates and Bono who shared the 2005 honor for being shrewd about doing good, for making mercy smarter and hope strategic and then daring the rest of us to follow! Awesome. Young People were highlighted in 1966 for shaking up society and trusting no one over 30. I was young then. I remember. There have been U S Astronauts and Presidents, along with men and women from other countries who’d most impacted the news and our lives, for good or otherwise, to exemplify what was important about their year.

Would you have guessed the 2011 “Person of the Year?” Admittedly, there were strong finalists, like Admiral William McRaven and Congressman Paul Ryan. And the “PERSON of the Year” was THE PROTESTOR! Not as in “Thou doest protest too much!” Oh no…it was “more is better” and “too much is never enough.” Now Protest IS REALLY NOTHING new. It’s made news headlines before and even changed history, but it’s been rather subdued by the good times of the last decade. Before the “bubble” burst in the U.S. a few years ago. Many thought the good times would never end and became complacent in them.

If lethargy was rampant world-wide, then protest became kindling for the fire when in Tunisia in Dec of 2010, a hard working 26 yr old street vendor had been dehumanized by harsh and unfair treatment at the hands of his town authorities one too many times. He went to city officials to file a complaint. Getting no response, he poured paint thinner on himself and lit a match. “My son set himself on fire for dignity," his mother said. His sister added, “In Tunisia, dignity is more important than bread.” [mom = Mannoubia Bouazizi] This incident incited the huge protest in Tunisia that overturned the government there.

Protestors from all over the world are mentioned in Time magazine’s award. From the nameless masses who swarmed the streets with the Arab spring to the protestors in Greece and the Occupy Wall Street movement and on it goes…notice was taken and high marks given by Time magazine, 2011. Protestors were cited to share a desire to reform and improve their countries’ political and economic woes. Egyptian eruptions came out of fraudulent elections in 2010. In Russia it was the reality that another six (or 12) years of Vladimir Putin, the Time magazine 2007 “Person of the Year” incidentally, might NOT improve prosperity and daily life.

What does this have to do with my NY’s resolution and yours? The Bible teaches us about resolution in terms of who drives your bus and what motivates you to stand up and be counted. Who of us doesn’t protest something to one extent or another? But how & why we do it matter to God whose Son, Jesus Christ endured protest and protested Himself here on earth. If Jesus had demanded to be treated fairly with dignity, where would that have taken Him? How many times was He offended.. from “no room at the Inn” to false accusations and injustice on the cross?

He could have marched with signs and gotten air time and said “Forget This Stuff!” And then where would We be? Instead He said, “Forgive them and gave His life as a sacrifice to give US dignity…even, especially, when others don’t. Maybe this year we can protest with more of a Divine purpose.

The Bible says, "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord" (Psalm 37:23). Let’s check with Him first.

‘Know where you are headed and you will stay on solid ground’ (Proverbs 4:26). ‘Many are the plans in a man’s heart but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails’ (Proverbs 19:21).

Above all, let’s be sure to seek God’s will in whatever cause we promote. 1 Sam 2:10 warns that those who oppose the LORD will be shattered. That sounds like something to avoid! In the process, we stay humble, as He gives us the grace to encourage others and work for good change. That's why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." And when we get beaten down and discouraged by the opposition, we take heart from Heb 12:3 “Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Of course, begin any protest with prayer!

Bottom line: in contrast to proTEST, let’s PROclaim..the Good News of JC. In contrast to OCCUPY, let’s BE OCCUPIED by the HS. That’s how God guides our protests to be most effective so what we occupy will count far beyond the here and now! Lord willing, That should make for a great 2012!

Contact me phyllisnow@att.net

God's Intervention

2011-12-23T09:27:00.000-06:00

Dec 23 God’s Intervention

Have you seen the YouTube video …when dancers or singers step out of a crowd and perform in the park or a train station or on the street? I am captivated by this phenom, happening world-wide and described by a performance group at Central Station in Stockholm as, “A short fun event to create presence in the moment and with other people, having fun, creating happiness.” I’ve seen Handel’s Halleluiah Chorus and 1950’s dancing, with sometimes hundreds of performers who simply show up for the fun of it!

It’s a planned intervention. Folks are coming and going. Minding their own business in a world worried about wages, wondering about tomorrow, about this possibility and the latest tragedy. Then, out of nowhere, comes music and some in the crowd begin to dance and sing and draw together in routines until it’s obvious, this is a PLAN! Dancing in Union Station or at the Denver airport or on the street, STOPS people in their tracks, whisks them away, lifts them out of their troubles for a few minutes. It’s a power break that puts a spring in their step. Reactions vary from wide-eyed wonder to tapping feet and swaying bodies! People turn to strangers and point and comment as they take pictures.

Maybe I find this so enchanting because it takes me back to the Christmas I wanted my children to experience giving without getting. I took my 5,6, 9 and 11 year old Suzuki violinists, dressed in their Christmas best, to play for a few shut-ins. We headed for Anita Kubant’s upstairs apartment, in a U shaped building with an upstairs deck and railing and a courtyard below. I’d arranged with Anita’s caregiver to open her door so we could surprise her. My last minute reminder to the kids that true giving from a loving heart expects nothing in return, seemed to sink in as we approached the building.

The door opened to a small space. No problem, we stood outside and played a 10-minute repertoire. The three girls watched my conducting, but my son, Brooks, while on the correct notes, was looking at a moving object I caught out of the corner of my eye. Whenever he would look back at me, the fluttering would resume and I’d lose him again! After recital bows, I turned to face a smiling audience of residents lining the balcony. A man waving paper money had caught Brooks’ attention!

On all of our minds was the mantra, “something for nothing!” As the children walked past the clapping adults, I heard the moneyman’s plaintiff, “Please, I WANT you to have this. You’ve brought us such a wonderful Christmas tonight!” I quickly realized that to ignore his heartfelt response could be hurtful. I thanked him and said it would go to the Christ-child. Brooks was all eyes!

With instruments tucked back in their cases, we drove to the next “something for nothing” opportunity. We decided to give 90% of the man’s money to the children’s Christmas Eve service and spend 10% on the instrumentalists. It wasn’t the lesson I’d planned, but then some of life’s best lessons aren’t!

The next performance that evening was at the house of Augusta, an elderly woman who was literally “into” the bells and whistles of Christmas. She had more blinking lights in her windows and front room than you could take in without doing brain damage! And what didn’t blink, whistled, sang or popped out of a box or nest. She was delighted to show off her collection. The kids were wide-eyed over it, except for the youngest who jumped every time a new gadget rolled across the floor or ceiling. This performance lasted only 5 minutes and we were on our way, but not before Augusta disappeared and reappeared with a wrapped box. Same thing…we HAD to take it or she would have melted or maybe it would have been lights out, I’m not sure. We buckled up and opened a re-gifted box of chocolates. And most of them were still in there!

What SWEET things happen when you give something and expect nothing!
My planned intervention with little ones playing violins wasn’t of the same caliber as the YouTube variety around the world, but it made a lovely difference in people’s lives, for a few moments anyway.

Let’s consider another kind of intervention. A HEAVENLY one. What if angels appeared in Union Station or the Mall singing and then said, “Don’t Be Afraid. We bring you Good News of great JOY that will be for all the people. In the City of David a Savior has been born to you; He is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2: 10,11 Would people stop in their tracks, take pictures? Would smiles replace frowns? Would it be as described at the Stockholm surprise dance in the station…an event to create a presence, to create happiness?

Well, actually, a planned intervention 2,000 years ago DID bring an overwhelming response to the Presence of the Babe of Bethlehem Who came to save us from our sin. The angels didn’t perform in a mall or a train station or airport. They lit up the night sky and sang to shepherds who stopped in their tracks. They didn’t get out their cell phones and take pictures and call home. But the Bible tells us they headed to the manger to see this Baby Who was the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. WHAT an intervention! Has it happened to you? Has God’s Great Gift of Christmas stopped you in your tracks yet? If so, I rejoice with you as we celebrate Christmas. Oh, come let us adore Him! If not, His intervention is a gift, a present. It’s an invitation to receive Him. There’s no time like the present! Merry Christmas!

Contact me phyllisnow@att.net

Personalize The Christ Child

2011-12-16T09:57:00.002-06:00

With Christmas 9 days away, you still have plenty of time to personalize the Babe of Bethlehem. The other day I asked a friend who lost his dad last year how it was going. He said, wistfully, “I wish I could hide somewhere and let Christmas pass by and come out when it’s over. I’d just like to skip Christmas this year. I think about him every day.” This man of strong Christian faith is normally upbeat, but he’s been socked with loss and grief. This got me thinking about how God comes to us in celebration, amidst our losses.

On the “Woman to Woman” show, produced by Lutheran Hour Ministries, when I interviewed guests about loss they insisted that The Lord of Life can use that very situation as an opportunity to experience His power and peace in a whole new way. John the Baptist, a major Biblical voice, calls out of the wilderness for people to repent of their sins to prepare the way of the Lord. What about the longing in our hearts for someone who’s no longer with us? Can that prepare the way of the Lord? Since God is not distant, since He is at hand, Matt 28:20, “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" …the answer is YES, our loss, any loss, can prepare the way of the Lord. Keep that awesome reality in mind. God will use the emotions you’re experiencing through your loss to give you what you won’t get any other way.

As you try to celebrate Christmas best you can, a few tips from Dr. Susan Zonnebelt-Smeenge, a clinical psychologist in Grand Rapids, MI and co-author of the book THE EMPTY CHAIR.

About the one less place setting at the Christmas table this year, one less chair where HE or SHE always sat. Holidays usually raise us above the humdrum of life to renew and revive us! Grief is tough enough, but when Christmas comes it can be even more difficult. Grieving the loss of a loved one can turn your holiday into a painful time that robs you of happy memories of past celebrations.

Certainly, the holidays will never again be exactly the same for you, Dr. Zonnebelt-Smeenge says. With the death of a loved one, things change. That doesn’t mean, however, that you’ll never again be able to join in the celebration or experience a full richness during holidays. You’re on a journey, she advises, with these ways to find peace in your pain and hope in your hurts.

Remember that Grief not a passive process

Have a Plan in your head. To avoid the “elephant in the room” that everyone tiptoes around, give people permission to talk re. him, how he always lit the candles, or her favorite dish, how the person lived their life.

Holidays like Christmas are emotionally charged and it probably doesn’t take much to throw us off from having a great time to having a horrible one. Dr. Zonnebelt-Smeenge says, “full resolution of grief is possible through a combination of time and intentional grief work.” You don’t come out of it and find your old self again. You come out a different person.

She calls it “Sorting through the ashes” which includes accepting the loss. Admit you’re frozen inside like the ground, that you cry when you look at your gift list. Your holiday spirit has been broken by death, maybe nothing sparkles but your tears. “What about a less than ideal relationship with the deceased?” Her advice was to keep the finest of your loved one alive to pass on. Celebrate the joy he brought into your life. Thank God you loved and were loved by this person. Her point is that Grief can be one of the great deepening experiences of life.

To get “control” over our emotions, be intentional about this grief work. If it’s your first holiday without your husband or child or parent, it can be overwhelming. Take care of yourself physically. Don’t scrap the whole thing and deny yourself pleasure in obligation to the deceased. Instead, buy a gift for him and give it to someone needy.

If you live alone…visit a soup kitchen or a nursing home. Make new bonds out of shared losses in a grief support group. Above all, find a time of peace & reflection. The person IS there in a sense. He or she is part of each of you. It could be lovely for people to share that. Lower your expectations of the holidays. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Plan ahead so you’re not overwhelmed at the last minute. It’s hard to concentrate when you’re grieving, so make lists and simplify your to-do list this year.

My dad’s been gone for 4 Christmases, my mom for 8. I still have moments when I stop and in tears, thank God for all the ways they focused Christmas on The Christ, the Giver above the gifts.

What about you? Prayerfully consider what we’ve talked about and invite God’s grace to reach in and transform your grief from an ending into a beginning.

No matter what your loss, you needn’t be at a loss over what to receive.
The 14th century German melody [author unknown] “Now sing we, now rejoice”, 2nd verse, speaks to this. “Come from on high to me; I cannot rise to Thee, Cheer my wearied spirit, O Pure and holy Child; Through thy grace and merit, Blest Jesus, Lord most mild…Draw me unto Thee! Draw me unto Thee!”

Christmas Traditions

2011-12-16T09:55:00.000-06:00

Dec 9

What are your favorite Christmas traditions? Maybe watching classics like Charlie Brown’s Christmas, It’s a Wonderful Life and White Christmas? Anybody go caroling in the neighborhood or the retirement community or hospital wards? One year a group of us was allowed to sing carols in ICU at the local hospital. I kept thinking, oh please don’t let this cause a code blue on my watch! But the staff and the patients were misty eyed over that one! They LOVED it.

Then there were the Christmas cookies with the kids. We’d roll, cut and bake and then sort by shapes. Stars here, bells there, angels in this tin, please! Next we’d mix the icing, add colors and get out the brushes. We had 76 cooky cutters, much to the delight of those on the receiving end of this tradition! My friend Marcy saved some, like the beautiful male Mallard Duck. She couldn’t eat it. It looked so real!

One of my favorites was a church with a steeple. Maybe you have that one, too. The year Jennifer invited her BF, Phil, to come over from Washington U and join us, he not only pitched in, he painted stained glass windows on the church cookies! I think that enthusiasm carried the relationship to a new level! Then he had fun inventing shapes, like a toothbrush and a Grinch, still part of our traditions, BTW! Jennifer and Phil eventually married and now lots of folks in NJ benefit from the way they and their children shape Christmas with cookies, delivered in baskets, often accompanied by caroling! Perhaps you make your own Christmas cards or toffee? What about the traditional advent calendar to help count the days? There’s the Advent midweek service at church and choir rehearsals and the children’s Christmas program! And aaah…Classic99.com for sacred and classical music on “Holiday Wrappings!”

There’s something very grounding and peaceful about traditions, whether they’ve been passed down through generations or you start them yourself. It’s NEVER too late to start a tradition!

AND THEN there are the RULES! One rule in most families -- no one peeks in the gift closet before Christmas!

The Christmas Brooks was four, he forgot our family “rule” about eating breakfast BEFORE going into the family room to open the gifts around the tree. I heard the pitter patter of feet in the wrong hallway outside the kitchen door, just in time to hear his hushed little voice giving his peek away. "I remember what I wanted for Christmas. An edow (yellow) tractor!" I called ‘round the other way for breakfast and then, Of Course, he had to fake surprise when he saw the yellow tractor next to the tree as we walked in together!

How many of us want to hear this Christmas, "It's JUST what I wanted!" Whether you're scurrying from one mall, cataloge or website to the next, or creating your own gifts this season, you want the PERFECT gift for each person. 540 Most people on your list are WAITing in anticipation, having been notified that Christmas is just 16 days away. Some, expecting nothing, will be surprised!

In anticipation of the birth of His Son, God notified people for centuries that the Messiah was coming. No date, so they couldn’t count the days, but the faithful tried and longed for it to happen. Three hundred times the Bible predicted and promised the Birthday of the Savior of mankind. And still when it happened, only a few believed. Some were surprised, like the shepherds in the field that night. Then there was faithful old Simeon, impressed somehow by God that he would not die until he actually saw the Christ Child. Luke tells us in Chapter 2 that Simeon was moved by the Spirit to go into the temple courts one day. When Mary and Joseph brought in Baby Jesus, 28 Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying he could now die in peace because he’d seen with his own eyes God’s salvation to be revealed in this Child. “Lord lettest now Thy servant depart in peace!”
The familiar refrain from

We have the advantage of the Bible to read the documentation of all that followed to enhance our Christmas celebration. Whatever your traditions, whatever your rules, receive the Perfect Gift, the free gift, from the Great Giver, God Himself delivered through faith in His Son! That gift is just your size, shape and color to face any situation and to open every day the rest of your life!
“For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.”
With that in place, you’ll have a Merry Christmas!

Are You Ready?

2011-12-02T20:55:00.001-06:00

ARE YOU READY?

Now that the Thanksgiving Day Retail sales experiment appears to be a success and Black Friday and Cyber Monday are past, we learn Christmas sales are up a LOT over last year at this time. So I guess we’re all set for Christmas. Or at least MORE all set than we were last year at this time? What about you?

”Are you ready for Christmas? My "ready" lesson occurred the year I wrote our Sunday School Christmas play. Weeks of rehearsals and 150 children later, this one night stand was attended by 600 loving parents, friends and staff. There would be lines rehearsed and parts forgotten. Dancers were ready. Cast members sat in the school auditorium, sparkle eyed in anticipation of coming forward as part of the act. Everyone was ready, from pre-service carolers who looked like they’d stepped right out of Charles Dickens to the last tiny preschool choir. The time had come to join the celebration of the biggest birthday party in the world. Music began and the huge stage curtain parted. In that moment it hit all of us.

This was for real. Christmas was here. This was the night. Ready or not, Here He Comes! By Act III there were few dry eyes in the house. Everyone left with a birthday balloon and a piece of the huge Birthday Boy's cake, fresh from Kruta’s bakery in Collinsville. Young and old seemed to understand this party was for the real birth of a real boy who would grow up to really die for our sins. The Spirit of the Christ Child had touched the hearts of those open to Him. Ever since then, when Christmas comes, I remember it’s for real, just like the night of the play.

You're ready or you're not....but He Comes. I'm invited to the party and so are you. I hope you'll say yes. Ready or not, here He comes. The Virgin Mary had nine months to get ready for Christmas. Once the initial shock became reality, Mary pondered the incredible wonder of the Divine conception of her Son. Martin Luther, the 16th Century reformer, reflecting on Mary's situation, said the Virgin birth appeared to him a trivial miracle compared to the Virgin's faith. It might help our preparation to ponder the thought from Luther that it was not such a big deal for God to make a spectacular star, but rather that the Lord of the universe should care enough about ordinary people like you and me to take our flesh and share our woes. When we don't find ourselves naturally caring for each other, why should God humble Himself to lie in a feed box and hang on a cross? The time had come for the promise of God to be fulfilled. God was ready to send a Savior into the world.

It may not take us nine months to prepare for Christmas, but where to begin? How about with the message of a man who wore rawhide and ate honey and locusts in the wilderness? John the Baptist called people to repent to prepare the way for the Lord. Repentance gets us ready. It shows what needs to BE readied. Feel that grudge? Any unconfessed sin lurking in the corners of your heart? The tree may be up, the shopping finished, but you're not ready for Christmas. We need the medicine of the Christmas story, the Good News to clean our sin-sick hearts. In the words of Luther's Christmas hymn, "Ah dearest Jesus, Holy Child, make Thee a bed soft undefiled; within my heart that it may be, a quiet chamber kept for thee."

Prepare the way. Whose way? Yours? Mine? His? “Prepare” reminders surround us; days left, wish lists and the Tree of Lights. Lights remind us Jesus came to light up a dark world. He was the LIGHT the world could not put out, and still cannot. We deck the halls, get all charged up, literally. One store delivered its holiday catalogue three weeks before Halloween to help us get ready. We decide between the electric motor driven whatchmacallit, the mechanical thingamajig or the fourseat - you name it. Once we have it, we think we're ready. But are we?

A tender "are you ready" moment occurred when our Jennifer was six. I asked what she would give Baby Jesus. Without hesitation she said, "I'll give Him my violin." We decided Baby Jesus could not use the violin, but she could play it with the talent God gave her. That inspired the first Musical Offerings at church, continued for decades, when children offer their musical gifts back to the Giver on Christmas Eve. What will you give the Christ Child this Christmas? Mary was ready. John the Baptist was ready. All it takes is a place for the Christ Child to lay, within our hearts, in a manger of faith. Are you ready?" This Advent season is a perfect time to ask God to ready us. Welcome His Light into your bits of dark….at midweek services, through music, personal devotions…and see how ready you’ll be to celebrate Christmas!

Fill in the Blank!

2011-11-27T21:48:00.001-06:00

Let’s try a fill in the blank quiz.

Oh, GIVE THANKS UNTO THE _ _ _ _!
Now thank we all our _ _ _.
Thank _ _ _ _ _ _for little girls.
He had only _ _ _ _ _ _ _ to thank.
We can thank our lucky _ _ _ _ _. Answers: Lord, God, heaven, himself, stars.

It's Thanksgiving week in our great nation. Whom do we thank for what? Wait a minute. Do we thank, at all? When did you last hear anyone express thanks? Maybe from a salesperson; or a phone call requesting a favor; a gift received; or for advice given? I find genuine thanks to be so rare it can actually cause an awkward silence. In fact that happened this week when I complimented a salesgirl on her efficiency and pleasantness. She didn’t know what to say.

My dad taught us gratitude with statements like, “God is having fun with THAT sunset, isn’t He? Or Look at these rose bud petals. They won’t open until tomorrow. I wonder why. What do you think?”

Thankfulness is a learned behavior. When I did prison research on the self-concept of the delinquent male, I noticed as a young graduate student, no matter what I did to teach, encourage, nurture or entertain the inmates, the word "thanks" was absent from their otherwise colorful vocabularies. They had No word for gratitude. There was no such attitude. Even on my last day with them, when I brought cake and punch and gave a party for their help with my research and took pictures and said I would miss them and meant it....as I drove off, the empty cry of my heart was not for their physical poverty as much as for their spiritual wasteland. No one had taught them to say or feel thanks.

At best, they misinterpreted my loving kindness as "coming on." At worst, they didn't notice me at all, except that I was the only female there. These young men were locked out of a beautiful emotion that frees us to receive and pass it on. There are folks outside of prisons, in their own personal lock-ups, who do not know how to give thanks. Some read their horoscopes and breathe a sigh of relief when they come true. Some thank their lucky stars. Many say "Thank God" without a clue. Then there are those blessed sorts who follow the lead of J.S. Bach who wrote on every page of music, "To the Glory of God." Others practice I Th. 5:17, 19 where it says to give thanks in all circumstances bc this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you, and so no matter what, they’re able to praise the Lord anyway! Thankfully some are very "thankful to God for His unspeakable gift" in Jesus Christ.

My Thanksgiving memories are rich. I look back on 28 years of relatives coming to our house, ages 1-95...Nannie, Pickie, Spooky, Ada & Arlie and others. I'd order a fresh turkey from the farm. Jennifer made pilgrim hat place cards. We'd ask God's Grace for our own garden red raspberries to hang in there and one year everyone got two on their plate! The children played violins, oboe and piano with me after the pies. And we'd pass a cup for each person to put in a kernel of corn with thanks to God for something that year.

Time marches on. No more fresh turkeys. He raised 'em for 42 years and finally quit. Says he couldn't get the hang of it! The older relatives are with the Lord. The kids are all grown up and have flown the nest!

"What's your favorite Thanksgiving memory?"

I see a nine year old boy. It's Thanksgiving Day. His parents are readying the house. He's practiced his violin. His room is clean. The sunny day beckons and he's free. Mom fusses over food. Dad arranges furniture. Three sisters are doing their thing. The guests arrive. Mom calls out the back door. No answer, but her eye catches something small leaning against a tree. She crosses the patio to pick it up. In her hands she holds the faith of a child. He has nailed together wood scraps into a 9" cross. At the top is carved a crown. Running down the length are the letters CHRIST. A small paper shaped man is placed on the nails and from his mouth are penciled the words, "Father forgive them."

Company's here, Brooks!" I call out, with moist eyes, as I hold the best thanks of all from a very small boy. What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? And to whom?

Reach me at phyllisnow@att.net

All About the Baster!

2011-11-19T23:07:00.002-06:00

NOVEMBER 18, 2011 All About the Baster!

It’s time to talk turkey. Not recipes. Go to womantowomanradio.com for those. Let’s talk about the benefits of the baster! I have two rather unique turkey baster stories I’ve saved just for today.

The first happened years ago in our MI cottage where 12 of us trekked over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house for Thanksgiving. The turkey was my assignment. I first loosened the skin from the breast meat and slipped in bright green basil leaves for that subtle pattern when the bird was done. I made my broth and chopped, stirred and mixed my stuffing. Lastly I seasoned and buttered the outside of the bird and into the oven it went. I knew people would salivate when they came in from their woods and beach hikes. Every 45 min I basted the bird to keep it moist. Cardinal rule, right? Baste the bird.

When the appointed time arrived, guests were ooh’ing and aah’ing over the Lake MI view, anticipating the great feast. Each place was set with acorn squash bowls filled with soup. Breads and beverages beckoned. The candles were lit. The gravy was perfect. All that was left to do was take the bird out of the oven and plate it. I winked at my brother in law to follow me into the kitchen and help lift the bird from the oven onto the counter. With mitts in hand he DID! He lifted that gorgeous turkey out of the oven and before you could say “Oh Feathers!” that well basted bird slid across the entire kitchen floor.

Fred and I were the only witnesses. The Thanksgiving holiday isn’t usually aligned with keeping your lips sealed. Should we come clean? No way. Fred picked up the bird, I wiped off the bottom, placed it on the platter and surrounded it with its cooked friends from the field///a few vegetables cover a multitude of sins. And out into the lake view room it was carried with a flourish like none other in the history of that cottage, as far as we know.

Everyone raved about the turkey and wanted my secret for its tenderness. “Well basted is the secret,” was my line. And I’m stickin’ with it! So is Fred.

Fast forward to the summer of 2011, same cottage, no bird, but another baster opportunity. Fred, the turkey handler from yesteryear, notices my car’s low coolant light is on. I check my car manual and search for a specific coolant brand which turned out to be 20 miles away. Freddie offered to pick up the coolant. This was going well.

Fred returns victoriously and I pop the hood. He points to an opening, holding its lid, saying, “Put it there.” I did mention the symbol on the lid in his hand looked like a steering wheel! He said nope that was the one. So in I poured a cup and then stopped, wondering, “What if this isn’t the right spot?” I put everything down to examine my manual more carefully. Yep…. We’d poured coolant into the power steering opening.

NOW? “No problem, said my accomplice. Won’t hurt a thing!” And thus began “Under the Hood 101.” I learned a lot. Like, don’t start your engine, have the car towed, let professionals correct the mistake. But when you’re in the north woods, out of all the voices, you trust your car guy at home who says on the phone, “Listen, if it were me, I’d just get that coolant fluid out any way I could and fill it back with power steering fluid and bring it in when you get home.”

The turkey baster….Where’s the turkey baster when I need it? Nowhere to be found and you don’t go cottage to cottage to borrow one. You improvise with paper towels with your rubber gloves on until it seems empty. But I’m hesitant because one guy told me I better have it towed or the line could become contaminated and destroy my engine.

Just then….up drives a friend. Sizing up the situation, he said 6 kids and 7 vehicles had prepared him for this moment. Taking off two hoses, he asked for a baster. Sorry, missing! Then he put his mouth on an old plastic gas can funnel and blew into it hard harder and hardest to drain MORE coolant out. That did the trick.

Turns out the coolant container is mysteriously and unclearly marked. Normally the coolant container is where the power steering fluid container is on my car. So I will give Fred that much. It also turns out Fred leases his cars and has never looked under the hood!

Fred and I will laugh over this through the years. I've been sliding turkeys on the kitchen floor ever since! Just kidding. Now a spiritual application. The baster made for a delicious turkey. Having NO baster led to a huge hassle. Apply this to a well-basted life. Jesus calls this abiding in Him. He says, "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples" (John 15:6-8, NASB). The key to a full and fulfilling life as a Christian is to abide in the Lord. As we baste our lives with the Word and soak in prayer, we benefit from "abiding" in Jesus, as His words and His Spirit abide in us. And that’s a baster that’s never missing. Happy Thanksgiving!

Reach me at phyllisnow@att.net

Thanksgiving Warm-Ups!

2011-11-11T20:23:00.002-06:00

While the national news is a bit dour this week, I’M finding lots of good news! And it’s teaching me something. But first….the “lots of good news” part!

Right after “Fridays with Phyllis” last week, I was delivered a very spiffy car for the weekend. This, because at the Anderson Hospital fall auction my husband bid on a “Full Spa Service” for my 6 yr old car. Such a generous donation by Newbold BMW in O’Fallon, IL! For supporting the hospital, we drove a 2011 BMW- 5 series while my 2005 non-BMW was transformed! Fun and amazing, but the highlight for me was their client advisor, Lance Tulacro. His upbeat take on business, cars and life itself gave me more of a lift than the wheels he delivered! When I returned the car, he didn’t do the buying squeeze. He knows he has a great product. He knows I know he has a great product. It was simply, “If we can ever help with your car needs, call us!” So now I’m handing out his biz cards! And I didn’t know I even WANTED a BMW until I drove one!

At the same auction I lined up 6 sessions with a Personal Trainer. Oh my goodness. It turns out we have a CORE that resists workouts! This fabulous training I’d only read about, I NOW want to maintain, with or without a personal trainer.

It just gets better. My good friend Kathy Rule of Cabott Cheese and Dierberg’s cooking demos..set up a delicious b’fast with our daughters at Rue Lafayette. Over the world’s best hot chocolate we rejoiced in God’s goodness. You’ll understand why when you catch the W2W show at womantowomanradio.com called “The Girl with 3 Hearts.” Kathy’s daughter, Angela, was born with a defective heart, had a heart transplant at Barnes Hospital at age 12 and then another at age 30! It’s a miracle story right down to Angela’s 7 mo old Karsten who snuggled us at Rue Lafayette!

During this yummy interlude, I heard a man’s voice call out “Mom!” and turned to see if it was my son who lives in the UK! I mean seriously…do we ever stop that knee jerk reaction? His mom turns out to be Arceli, the owner of Rue Lafayette café. We laughed about my reaction to her son’s “Mom” call as she shared how when he was 4 he called her some special name just in the grocery store, so all the other moms wouldn’t turn around. Sharp kid, that Pablo, who now cooks at the café and is in training to be a paramedic. You’re doubly safe eating there!

Then I hopped into MY like-new car, thanks to the Newbold Spa, and heard a KFUO visit with songwriters Joan Voges and Dr. Paul Schreiber on “Law and Gospel” about how they compose such beautiful music to glorify God.

That morning I’d picked up some tips from Paul Clayton’s chat with a Dr. on nutrition that included a call-in question from Dr. Bob Weiss of the Bio-Ethics Chair at Concordia Seminary. Not to mention the always insightful “Meyer Minute” and the spiritual-musical encouragement from Rev. Mark Hawkinson. All of this, meantime, overrides the bad news of the day with good news.

But it wasn’t all grins this week. When I learned cartoonist Bil Keane died Nov 8, at 89, after 50 years of cartooning, I thanked God for his unique gift of making us laugh at ourselves to smooth the rough edges of the human condition. Bil was my guest on a Father's Day Special titled "Dads Who Pass It On."

Just remembering that visit at the mic reminded me how glad he made you feel just to be alive, even if you’d burned the toast that morning! After the interview, he faxed me a personal cartoon I treasure. “Family Circus” daughter “Dolly” holds a radio that’s blaring and says to her little brother, who’s trying to listen in, “No Jeffy, you can’t listen. It’s 'Woman to Woman'!”

In a week of disturbing news reports, I found this Biblical advice to be true…”Good news gives health to the bones!” Christians have the best Good News in what Christ did for us, so bad news doesn’t have to drag us down. Do what you can about it……and look for good news. A bit of my good news this week is a spiritual tweak on my not realizing I wanted a certain car until I’d driven it. As I drove away in my own, 93k mile sparkling clean car, it occurred to me that I didn’t realize I wanted to hang out with Jesus until He found me, forgave me and called me His own! It’s kind of a warm up for Thanksgiving. Take some time between now and then to find your own good news source and give health to your bones!

Who IS that Voice?

2011-10-28T22:12:00.002-05:00

Who IS That Voice?

Soon many of us will open our front doors to characters we do not recognize and hand them treats! In my daughter’s neighborhood, where they have over 200 customers, the trick or treater must DO a trick to earn the treat! So kids sing a song, recite a poem, do a gig or ask a riddle. The challenge is to look surprised when you’ve heard the most popular riddle about 43 times!

Do you notice how, especially if you know the child, [he’s maybe your own] and you say, “Who IS this character? Let me guess!” and you come up with all the wrong answers…finally, when you say his name, off comes the mask or out comes the smile to reward your efforts! Our 4 year old Brooks was all dressed up one Halloween and I could not “guess” this little guy’s name. After a minute, from behind the mask came the whisper, “Listen to my voice, mom!”

Our voice identifies us. On our family cottage telephone I kept one special voicemail for four years. It was my dad’s voice with good news following cataract surgery at age 91! [Mind you, he did not wear glasses and was still reading maps with over- the-counter half- glasses.] My kids think it’s weird that I play this message now and then. The message isn’t profound. It’s simply, “Hi Phyl. It’s Daddy, around 3 o’clock. I’m now back to perfect eye sight. I have a certificate from the doctor that I don’t have to take my driver’s test. I don’t need to wear glasses. So, back to square one. Now if we can just get the body working a little faster, we’d be in great shape! Isn’t the Lord great! Thanks. Love ‘ya. Talk to you later!” I treasure the sound of his voice, which was silenced when he was called “home” to heaven several months later in his sleep.

What is it about a voice that’s so special? You know what I mean. Our voices are unique, so much so that research reveals our “voiceprint” to be as unique as our fingerprint! The implications of that are huge. One day we’ll probably be able to access bank accounts, activate engines and who knows what else with our one-of-a-kind voice. This begs the question, what do you do with the power of your unique voice? Do you bring comfort, speak encouraging words, speak the truth?

The next question is,TO whose voice do you listen? In this swirling political season, voices call to us to do this and think that. If you’re an election junkie you probably hear those voices in your sleep! Whether in politics or in real life, we want to discern whose voice speaks truth, to know who is worth following. It’s a tough choice for some and an easy choice for others. It’s the same in the family, in the neighborhood, at the office. Voices can beckon, urge, sometimes annoy and anger or motivate and inspire us.

Speaking of voices, the Book of John quotes Jesus talking about a voice, namely His own when He refers to Himself as The Good Shepherd. Those who follow Him and live out His teachings are called “sheep.” You’ve heard the song, “I am Jesus little lamb…!” Same deal. Jesus makes a point in the 10th chapter about how His “sheep” know His voice and won’t be led astray by beckoning voices that are not His. Here’s the exact quote. “My sheep know my voice. The watchman opens the gate for him [the shepherd], and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice."

It’s important to follow the right voice to keep from going astray. Get the tie-in with our voiceprint that’s as unique as our fingerprint? It’s recognition! Brooks tells me at age 4 from behind his mask, “Listen to my voice, mom!” He knew I‘d recognize him then! My dad’s 91 year old voicemail still reminds me of who he was, what he stood for, how much he loved our family and how faithfully he followed The Good Shepherd.

Your voice is truly a gift. You use it to lead, to follow, to rebuke and to lift up. The bigger question is, how does your voice respond to The Good Shepherd Who calls you by name? Can you hear Him saying, “Listen to my voice. Come to me, you that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.” Do you recognize His voice from all the others? You will when you get to know Him. My son reminded me I knew his voice. I recognize my dad’s voice because we walked together this side of heaven all my life, one way or another. Walking with Jesus is like that. He draws you close through his Word, His Sacraments and through others who know Him. It’s how you literally hang out with Jesus, as He brings Himself, His protection, His wisdom, His life-saving Grace to you!

Who’s voice IS it? No costume can hide it. No others can be as authentic. When you hear His voice, it’s safe to follow!

Win or Lose?

2011-10-22T19:41:00.002-05:00

Charles Schultz’s “Snoopy” character observed, "It doesn't matter if you win or lose, as long as you win!" This month's tally of winners and losers will add up to more of one than the other in both the World Series and the political scene. Winners make headlines and begin that uphill climb to deliver their best. What about the losers? What happens to them and to their supporters?

A look at some psychology behind winners and losers reveals the anguish of "Second Place." Close doesn't count, in the eyes of many, who brush aside a lifetime of striving and discipline to idolize the winner. An Olympic athlete, for instance, can come within a hair of taking the gold, stand before the world to receive a medal of another color...and think, "I'm a loser. If only I'd breathed better or turned slightly to the right instead of the left."

There's the classic case of Abel Kiviat who ran away from the field in the 1,500 meter track event at the 1912 Olympics when a British rival pulled ahead in a thrill finish to win by one-tenth of a second. Seven decades later, Kiviat told the Los Angeles Times that even at age 91, "I wake up sometimes and say, "What
the heck happened to me?" It's like a nightmare."

And THAT was before agents, multimillion-dollar broadcast contracts, bonuses and Dream Teams. How do we promote the privilege and thrill of just being able to enter the race, when confronted with that old shoe slogan, "YOU DON'T WIN SILVER, YOU LOSE GOLD!" Or the billboard ad that screams, "CONTEMPT IS A HUNDREDTH OF A SECOND."

No wonder the U.S. team in Atlanta set the Olympic record for the largest psyc squad to sanitize stained egos. The experts LABEL putting yourself down as A LOSER, unless you're absolutely at the very top. It's called "counterfactual thinking." And it's not confined to one area or one age group. How did you feel when your mom looked at the B on your report card and wondered why not an A? Buzz Aldrin, second man to walk on the moon, suffered crippling depression back on earth. You're as qualified as the next guy to get the promotion at the office. How does it feel when you're in the last 3 to be considered and don't get it? You score well on the ACT, your academic standing is excellent, your extracurricular involvement outstanding. You even get the letter from the university of your choice, stating you are a "strong contender." But you don't get in...along with thousands of others who applied. Are you a winner or a loser?

"To the victor go the spoils." Or should that read, "The victor will be spoiled and the loser will be soiled." Psychological evaluations conclude it's actually easier to lose by a lot than by a little. Even the bronze medalists, for example, get on with their lives better than those with the silver. Their reactions are healthier. They seem to retain the thrill of just being part of the event.

I’ll be cheering for the St. Louis Cardinals in the World Series, checking the stats, saying “Oh rats!” now and then, predicting and rerunning plays…but always in awe of the discipline each member of the team displays, from the stadium keepers to the managers to the players. They’re all winners, when you come right down to it, even tho just a few will take home the prize.

What do we do when we're the "also-rans?" How do we handle the loss or victory of "our" candidate or “our” team? Do we live the poignant motto, "Humble in victory...Gracious in defeat."

C.S. Lewis in The Screwtape Letters talks about disappointment. The Senior devil, Screwtape, to junior devil Wormwood: "Whatever men expect, they soon come to think they have a right to; in the sense of disappointment this can, with very little skill on our part, be turned into a sense of injury."

What about us? Can we view what we risk, discipline ourselves for and strive toward as part of a "holy experiment," used to serve the Living God with our time, talent and treasure? With that attitude, we can't lose. So work, campaign and pray hard at what you do. It's not time wasted. Christians serve a greater purpose. It's a higher calling than individual "wins and losses." It's ALL going somewhere, cumulatively, as God promises in His Word. We offer who we are, what we have, with the Psalmist, "My times are in Thy hands." Win or lose, they’re times He’ll use.

You can contact me at phyllisnow@att.net

Deciding....

2011-10-14T00:20:00.002-05:00

DECIDING....

For the annual Fall Festival at our kid’s high school my husband, Rich, lugged in a 25 pound Libby's pumpkin. I was pleased. This plump, pale apricot boulder had "pies" written all over it. It was a surprise for my friend's front porch, to be surrounded with October offerings of gourds and field corn. By Thanksgiving it would surrender its throne to be stuffed into pastries, breads and soups. Rich asked, "WHY are we doing this?" I laughed off that reality question as an editorial remark and browsed the booths, challenging him to "dunk the teacher." Then a table full of cookbooks caught my eye.

Rich was headed for the parking lot. He'd paid his dues by appearing at the fund raiser and had that "yardwork is calling me" look. But those cookbooks...the poor mom who'd tried to hawk them still had 150 left. She’d reduced them from $5 to $1. Such a deal. Within seconds I offered to sell them as a fundraiser at my Bible study. I'd charge $2, give her $1 and our group would get $1.

Are you excited yet? Neither was Rich. As he loaded the 150 cookbooks into our car, exactly where the Libby's pumpkin had been, he mumbled, "WHY are we doing this?" At that precise moment a wise friend waltzed by wondering what was IN that big box. He was hoping someone would ask. She sized up the situation, and blessed us with, "Phyllis does tend to go off the end of the scale when it comes to Mercy!" That sweet summary left us both intact and able to get home with a minimum of hard feelings about my typically eager, instead of meager, responsiveness. I can justify my actions faster than any computer can set a margin. But in this case, the good Lord reminded me that not every need is a call from God on my life! Add Rich's query, "WHY are we doing this?" and you get a theological dilemma. What about all the needs I sensed, purportedly with my spiritual antenna? Do I tend to react more than act? This is not a fun exam. Instant replays are indelible in my mind. Wednesday Woman, a Bible study I led for 10 years, is an example. One hundred women from 14 different church backgrounds were empowered by God's Word. Marriages were saved, depressions lifted, confidence restored, faith in Christ increased. Supervising a staff of 24, affirming individuals in small groups and writing the study, eventually began to consume me.

One family night [don’t go WOW, we only had 3 all together] the 6 of us shared observations, all in love. Jennifer, 12, noticed I'd been more of a “Wednesday Woman” than a mom lately. Sarah, 4, said prayers that night, ending with "Make Mommy a good “Wednesday Woman!" A creative “ditto” came the next day when my husband and I attended a funeral. I jotted a note asking what he wanted on his tombstone. “Do you know something I don’t?” He answered, adding "I know what I'm putting on Yours! ‘SHE DIED ON HER WAY TO WEDNESDAY WOMAN.’" Within a year I transferred my leadership to others. That Bible study continues to this day very nicely without me. It was the Lord's work. He gave me the burden and then took it away. His timing was perfect. Next He led me into broadcasting. In fact, He’d been heading me in that direction all along!

If I hadn't listened to feedback, I may have missed that opportunity and continued writing weekly lessons, panicking when childcare staff didn't show up and trying to master the F sharp chord on my guitar. How do we know when to play what role? It would appear far better to seek it, even trial and error it, than to pontificate and debate it. In the Lord's Prayer we ask God to enable us to accept His will AND to DO it. Back to pumpkins. While the Libby pumpkin makes great pies...the other one, called a jack-o-lantern, is good only for eyes! One of these things is not like the other. A face pumpkin tastes terrible. A pie pumpkin doesn't make a very brilliant show.

Are you like the pie or the face pumpkin? One way to tell is to let others taste and see that the Lord is good through you. Their feedback can reinforce wise use of your talents. If folks move away from you in the choir loft, it might signal a misuse of gifts. If people are drawn to you in times of crisis, consider it the gift of encouragement. And don't be DIScouraged if you knock on a few doors that won't budge. It's another way God steers us in the right direction.

Speaking of directions, I have this great idea about opening an intimate little tea room. On the FACE of it, it looks like a golden opportunity: great location, favorite recipes, a friend who can help. But I wonder if I'm confusing pies with eyes in this patch of possibilities? Since there's no way he can fit this one in the trunk of the car, I could ask Rich for some feedback. Or maybe I'll just ask myself, WHY are we doing this?

Baseball Lessons Can Be Home Runs!

2011-10-07T11:09:00.002-05:00

With world series drama unfolding, I realize there’s plenty of other drama playing on your life stage…mine too, but hang in there with me as I reflect on a fascinating game with so many apps! I was there this week…in St Louis for Game #4 of the NL playoffs. In anticipation of being there, after watching on TV and catching baseball on radio all season… my mind raced back to 2006.

We had World Series Tickets, because the Cards were down to the wire in that one. We were 10 rows up behind 1st base. These big games can’t be planned in advance, so you don’t know the exact date and time until the last minute. My speaking opportunities, on the other hand, ARE planned in advance with exact times and dates! I was excited about my first in person world series. I hoped against hope IF we got that far in the playoffs, it wouldn’t be a game played in STL on the night I was booked for an event.

But it wasn’t going to be that simple. Our seats were close enough to lipread Albert Pujols in conversation with Dave McKay, the first base coach! Flying back from the east coast, I faced a dilemma. I was lined up for a Friday night-all day Saturday retreat with Seminary wives, just outside STL. I hesitate to admit this, but I made frantic phone calls to see how I could work this out. Actually, to see how I could gracefully get OUT of the Friday night part of the weekend. I’m a woman and I have to use up my words, so I considered advice from strangers, mostly guys, who said, sure, the Sem wives would understand. You gotta GO. This is once in a lifetime! It’s weird, but I wanted to go to that game so much I could taste the peanuts. It was decision time. I decided. My airport advisers were convincing. I COULD go to the game. Someone else could cover for me that night and I’d be with the Sem wives the next day..all day. What Commandment would it break, after all? Opportunities come up!

I’d been asking for God’s input, of course, since He counts sparrows that fall from the sky and in the Greek that means He counts their take offs and landings! He was a bit silent on the issue, frankly. I mean, I didn’t get a call from the organizers to say, “Hey, BTW, if you and Rich have tickets to the game tonight, have at it! We’ll be fine.” For a second I thought, “Well, this is one of those grey areas, like coloring your hair or what car to buy. The women would have been ok and so would God who had a lot bigger things on His plate than whether I spoke to Sem wives or went to a world series game. Besides, there was a big push at that time for women to take care of themselves, as in tell the kids you’ll resurface in 30 minutes and take a bath with scented candles or plan a getaway now and then. So let me think, scented candles & bath, getaway with friends….World Series tickets and a magical chance at winning. Now I had to make the agonizing choice. If we didn’t use those tickets, someone else would.

As I drove into the parking area for the retreat in the woods, my car radio tuned in to the first inning, I learned that our tickets went to Cardinals 3rd baseman, Scott Rolen, for his friends & family. That was nice. But not nice enough to smother the grumbling rumbling inside of me. What good would I BE to these Sem wives from all around the country who were not distracted by the hype? Their concerns were over more “real life” events, like would their husbands pass Greek and Hebrew; when would he put down the books and re-enter the marriage, how would they pay back student loans; were they prepared for the real world; where would their “call” be and how would they like it? I sat in the woods listening on my radio and gradually, the excitement from inside the ballpark, 15 miles across the Mississippi River, seemed even further away as the Lord impressed on me the priceless opportunity right there in that back woods. Who needed cheering on more than THESE women, facing formidable unknowns and knowns?

I walked from the car, asking God for grace to put on the mind of Christ in that place. A few hours later, Friday night’s mission accomplished, I went back to the car radio just in time to hear the final inning. We won, on a sacrifice fly! I was elated and hopped out of the car to run in and tell the others. It turned out there WERE some fans inside after all! So I wasn’t the only one who “sacrificed” my own interests that night! I could almost hear the cheering inside the stadium float across the river and into the woods. I could see the distant sky light up with fireworks in celebration. And in the gentle fall breeze drifting through the trees, I think I heard a whisper, “You take care of my people and leave the final score up to me!” It turns out… Baseball LESSONS can be home runs, too!

We WON!

2011-09-30T13:01:00.002-05:00

9.30.11

Welcome to Fridays with Phyllis!

When it comes to baseball…I’m in for the long haul! I’m a St. Louis Cardinals fan who learned to “Go crazy folks!” from Jack Buck. And I DO. I follow the game and the players, not obsessively, but enough to miss them when they’re traded.
I even notice what they do off the field, investing themselves and their money in projects to help others hit the ball out of the park!

I don’t keep a scorecard or collect signed balls, but I do add to my baseball facts a bit each year. This season the learning curve blocked me on what SB stands for. I never paid attention to it before, sitting in the column right next to RBI and HR which are easy to figure out. But SB? I texted my Son-in-law, who started out with the Cards as a bat boy when he was a kid and still works there. “What’s SB stand for?” He’s a man of few words. Texted back, “Stolen Bases.” I could not keep those two simple words in my head. I’d go to SB and my brain delivered Street Blues, Swinging Ball, South Bark. Finally, after I said Stolen BASES OUT LOUD and told someone how puzzling this was and said Stolen Bases to them out loud, on the 3rd day I kept it in my head.

So it’s been with mounting anticipation I’ve stayed up late with my laptop to watch mlb.tv out of town or catch games on XM or wherever I find myself on game day. I’ve agonized, sympathized, criticized as the Cards came back from injuries and defeat time and time again this season. I’ve watched their coach, Tony LaRussa,
explain his strategy to keep them focused, admitting when and why it didn’t work, always putting a frank and upbeat face on it, even tho his own facial expression seldom changes, win or lose! It’s been fascinating to hear Albert Pujols talk about his comeback potential and keeping his eye on the goal to do his best at the game.

The STL Cardinals are perhaps the biggest surprise in baseball this year, coming from 8.5 games behind the Atlanta Braves to win the wild card slot this week! After 162 games this season, fans now buzz about who’s the "team of destiny!" And so it goes…this baseball fever.

Why this fuss about a game, a national past time called baseball? Well, for one thing it’s Biblical. Yeah…. Right off the bat, the Bible starts out in Genesis, “In the Big Inning” God created the heavens and the earth!

Some stunning stats are tucked into my head as I bask in the unpredictable down to the wire, Wild Card win. It’s been more than an energizing distraction for me. I’ve learned from this team about being down but not out, about a daily enabling for the task at hand, about putting the naysayers’ doom and gloom aside, keeping your eye on the prize, staying in the zone, being a team player

In my exhilaration over this huge win and my anticipation for the future of this series…I’m thinking, "Wait a second, how did I help in this win?" This piece speaks to that, by Gerhard Frost.

WE WON.

I remember a moment long ago
In a small-town restaurant.

We’d played a basketball game –
Played away from home and won,
And were in a celebrative mood.
I was fourteen, and not very good,
Nor was our team, and this made victory
Sweeter still.

As we crowded into a booth
I jauntily said, “Well, we won!”
Quick as the flash of a knife
Came the remembered words:
“What do you mean, ‘we’?
You didn’t play!”

I can’t forget the words
Or the one who spoke them,
But I can turn to other words,
Sounding in my soul.
My Lord says, “This do in remembrance of me.”
Baptized into the death of Christ
I die in Him to rise again.
With no part in the victory
I’m still invited to say,
“We won!”

By Gerhard Frost, sainted Lutheran pastor, from his
meditations, SEASONS OF A LIFETIME.

Just as Cardinal Nation is able to say,”We won the NL Wild Card..and looks forward to winning the world series…the whole community of saints is able to say, “We won the victory over death because Christ won over death on a cross and we look forward to the eternal victory parade, marching through streets paved with gold!"

In my quest for new information with Cardinals stats, I didn’t know what SB was. And you know, life has a lot of things I don’t understand. But Heb 12:2 helps me here. “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Keeping my eyes on Jesus steadies me in the race and keeps me focused through the wins and losses of life until the final win which He has won for me and for those who believe and confess that He is Lord.

Now there’s a game plan you can count on!

2011-09-22T23:22:00.002-05:00

September 16

This September we're focusing on learning. Today I’ll share a tip I learned from my Hair Designer, Jerry Dial. I’d mentioned how my daughter urges me not to use just any hair products. This conversation came out of her frustration when I collect the hotel giveaways and give them to summer camps or save money by using them myself! Jerry heartily endorsed her point. “I tell people that all the time,” he said. “If they’d just listen! They come back to me and say my hair isn’t performing and I say, 'I told you not to use any shampoo and conditioner that isn’t for colored hair,' for example! But they don’t listen and then wonder why they’re not getting good results!” By now I’m a believer, as Jerry sighs in exasperation from decades of experience!

It got better, in terms of learning as I listened long enough for more valuable counsel. Jerry had left conditioner on my hair that day for 10 minutes! I mentioned that to the shampoo assistant at the sink who said, “Oh yeah, you can leave that on overnight if you really want to condition your hair. Won’t hurt a thing!”

As Jerry reminded me to leave it on 3-5 min in the shower, I’m thinking, hey who has time for 5 extra minutes in the shower! I’m not a teenager and I don’t have kids banging on the bathroom door for my attention anymore, but I do have places to go and things to do! 5 minutes without writing for a deadline or finishing a job around the house is a loong time for a Type A like me. I kind of hinted at this with Jerry.

And he recited as he has... probably 3,923 times in his professional life, “Leave conditioner on 3-5 minutes. Start with washing and conditioning your hair and enjoy the rest of the shower at your leisure.” Now admittedly, I don’t spend much time on appearances. Hey, give me a break. First off, I have four kids. Then, too, I hosted a radio show for 20 years! I have a radio face, as they say? Who notices?

Well…Now that I’m intentionally slowing down to smell the roses, I might also take better care of my hair. After all it is a woman’s glory, according to the Bible. I’m listening to my hairdresser, who’s my kids’ age! But you know what…I’ve ENJOYED those shower conditioning minutes ever since! It’s not about the cost of the product. That little seemingly mindless routine that’s good for my hair....is also good for ME! I learned by listening, even though I thought I knew plenty about hair care. Then I acted on it. Learn, listen and do. It works, even for slow learners in hairy situations, like myself!

This learning moment is brought to you by the letter L for Listen! “Let the wise Listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance”—it reads in Pro 1:5. As my Hair Designer put it, “People don’t listen and wonder why they’re not getting good results!” Apply that Biblically to the way we live our lives. Jas 1:22 urges, ‘… be doers of the Word, and not hearers only, deluding yourselves.”

We don’t listen and then wonder why we’re not getting good results! Jerry Dial keeps on giving accurate hair care advice. People can take it or leave it. God keeps on giving His life saving Word, here and now, and for eternity. We’re free to take it or leave it. Every Word of God is for our learning. Let’s listen as The Living God draws us to Himself, to sit at His feet and learn. He is so INTO us, He counts the hairs on our heads! My Hair Dresser doesn’t even do that, he just conditions them! God “conditions” my life when I let His Word sink in at least 3-5 minutes a day. And sometimes overnight. And always when I listen, I want to linger longer and I get good results.

So the next time you open your Bible or ponder God’s wisdom, let it soak in! His kind of “conditioner” is a great way to learn of His Unconditional love!

Have a refreshing weekend, delighting in the Lord!

September 23

We’re looking into LEARNING this month, and we’ve all heard there’s no such thing as a dumb question! One summer I learned something by simply asking, “Why me?” Nothing wrong with the question, just don’t expect the answer tomorrow or, maybe, ever! It involves seeing the forest for the trees. But how, when the “tree” blocks the view? My learning insights came on a tour of Germany. The first was up close and personal: a 23 hour “rain delay” in Charles DeGaulle airport. I can write a BOOK in 23 hours, if I know it’s coming! But whiling away the hours on airport “standby” is unnerving. Duty free shopping lost its appeal fast. My anxiety increased by the hour. I felt robbed. I was losing it, tired of no explanations. The “tree” loomed large!

I finally sat down to look at the situation. I could focus on WHY ME and a missed castle and grumble about the inaccessible Eiffel Tower that was within a cab ride. OR I could remember I had a choice. I could let this maddening incident ruin my trip, or stop whining and give it to God. I did That. “Here’s the mess, God. Please work it out and give me your peace, in J Name and for His sake.” My anger and frustration gradually subsided. I played checkers with a child who was whiling away his time with his parents who’d just come off the Concorde.

The hard bench that night was softened by the attitude adjustment which made me grateful for a place to lay my head. [Weeks later a Concorde jet crash made my layover seem insignificant.]

Soon I was to set one foot on each side of the Berlin Wall rubble. Our guide described the rainy night of October 3, 1989 when she and thousands asking “Why Me?” marched shouting, “We are the people. We are one nation.” And the walls came tumbling down. What a picture. She said the Church gave people hope that God was in charge of the big picture. He could see the forest for the trees.

Next stop, Leipzig, where J. S. Bach directed his “St. Matthew Passion” in 1727. Orphaned at age 10, forbidden by an older brother to copy music, he did so by moonlight, nearly ruining his eyesight. His brother destroyed the copy. He didn’t seem to ask “Why Me?” A self-evaluation summed up his life. “I worked hard.” Mozart said of Bach’s genius, “He is the father, and we are his children.” He composed “theology set to music,” yet died penniless and virtually unknown. His own sons thought his music so ordinary, they lost much of it. It was forgotten until 100 years later when Felix Mendelssohn, who rediscovered Bach, conducted the "St. Matthew Passion" once again. A terrible picture for awhile. As we celebrate the 260th anniversary of Bach’s death, imagine a world without Johann Sebastian Bach!

On to the Passion Play in Oberammergau, performed every 10 years since 1634 when the Plague threatened the town. A horrible picture. They vowed to perform a drama of the passion of Jesus Christ if God spared them further devastation. Ludwig Mudl, Theological Advisor to the Play, comments, “Neither mourning nor tragedy can extinguish the hope of those who believe!”

How are YOU facing your difficulties right now? Asking, “Why me?” Do you “Center” or “Reinvent yourself?” That can be helpful, but it doesn’t really touch the “Why Me?” question. My summer’s peek at “Why Me?” pointed me to the bigger picture. God sees the forest for the trees and He loves every single “tree.” The secret is to trust God for the BIG PICTURE when our personal picture overwhelms us. After all, the God of the Big Picture says I LOVE YOU in countless ways without ceasing. Puts a whole new perspective on Why Me, doesn’t it!

Have a great weekend delighting in the Lord!

What have we learned?

2011-09-08T21:49:00.002-05:00

September is a time to refuel and restart our learning engines! Whether or not we’re in school, the sky’s the limit on how far we can expand our knowledge. Speaking of expanding, 10 years ago this weekend the skies over Manhattan expanded with smoke as the twin towers collapsed in the wake of terrorist attacks that ultimately killed nearly 3,000 people. These were innocent victims from 115 nations, with men outnumbering women 3 to 1, most of them between 35 and 39. Ages when it’s easy to assume there’s plenty of time left for learning.

The question is, what have we learned from 9/11? Volumes have been and will be written with sage reflections. We will be awed by the Ground Zero Memorial as an enduring tribute to the fallen and to the cause of peace. We can debate NY Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s endorsement of a mosque near Ground Zero and his forbidding of prayer and clergy at the 10th anniversary ceremony at the site of the 9/11 attacks.

While the mayor has not spoken out against the display of the World Trade Center Cross made from steel beams found in that exact formation in the rubble, he’s also considering some Muslim prayers and maybe even an atheistic chant. There’s heated dialogue on border security and implementation of shariah law in our land. All of this makes for lively discussion, but back to our question. What have we learned?

I’ve learned that memory is a powerful thing. We remember where we were on 9/11. For many that moment, along with stories of heroism, redefined their lives.

Who could forget Todd Beamer saying the Lord’s Prayer to the operator, asking her to say it with his pregnant wife? Before he said, “Let’s Roll.” The stories in the media right now, 10 years later, continue to inspire us. What are they teaching? For a while, post 9/11, people were exploring what matters most as part of re-thinking their lives. This major change in American culture has had a pretty good shelf life, according to social scientists, in that the importance of relationships continues. I wonder if that accounts for the extreme prominence of social networking as every day millions of us connect through online social networks and sites? Perhaps.

So, I’ve learned memory is a powerful thing. On a deeper level I’ve learned that God’s memory is perfect. He doesn’t just create us in our mother’s womb and then say “Catch ‘ya on the flip side!” He remembers us with a love that makes it worth getting up in the morning, a love that never quits! His love wants to “ready” us for whatever we’re going to face. So I’ve learned to seek the Lord to be ready if and when my tower falls. Not literally, but it’s Biblical readiness and the tower can be a job or health or wealth or a relationship that’s crumbling.

Years ago I faced a potentially dangerous health condition and came across 2 Tim 1:7. I grabbed onto those words because I was scared. Here’s what readied me to overcome my fear. “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind!” That was 30 years ago. My life was spared by God’s grace through surgery. My mind was changed from fear to the power of speaking a Bible verse to a scary situation. Now I can face scary circumstances that do NOT change, because I learned God keeps my mind clear through my faith in Christ. This readies me to persevere and learn lessons along the way.

I’m not saying if I were caught in a terrorist act I would know exactly what to do. But I know the One Who does.

There’s something about memorizing God’s Word that brings comfort and courage to face whatever situation into which He accompanies us! What verses have you tucked into your heart to pull out in the moment of adversity? If you don’t have any, just open your Bible and choose some. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in the process. Jot them down on a post it note or on your screen saver. Memorize them.

What have we learned from 9/11? Whatever your answer, since we all play a role in the war on terror, let’s begin with love. God’s love, that is. We recognize evil, that God calls sin, and follow His advice to be on guard and live as peaceably as we can with all men. Towers will crumble, but we don’t have to. Even in the face of death itself, I’m going to remember that God remembers me. That's a lesson learned worth sharing!

2011-09-02T05:58:00.002-05:00

Remember when September meant a fresh start? We can close our eyes and practically smell a brand new box of crayons, along with anticipation of old friends, new friends, any friends at all, a good teacher and maybe better study habits and grades this year! Looking back, I don’t recall the grade Mr. Becker gave me in math or my grade point at New Trier High School, but I do think of lessons learned and how they impact my life today.

After 20 years and 1400 “Woman to Woman” radio shows, I’m beginning a new chapter of my life. I do NOT have a specific agenda or plan for my “fresh start” this September. I do know how God designed me to function best with the gifts He gave me. I expect to write, speak and network for Him. There’s no contract to sign, no paycheck for direct deposit anymore! But there is anticipation of lessons to be learned and shared. Anticipation is half the fun!

In this new chapter, I figured I should call myself something and order business cards. I landed on the moniker; "Phyllis Now!" That’s quite a change for me since my school days when I wished for a different name. I mean, think about it, Phyllis. What can you do with that? I wanted something cute like Sally or Molly or DeDe or sophisticated like Anne or warm and bright, like Jennifer. But no, Phyllis it was and that was that. Nicknames were limited to Phyl. While I was proud of my last name, Muhlenbruch, no one could spell either name and it was quite a handle for life. In undergraduate school at the U of IL, I once received a letter addressed to Phillip Mulchinbaum, to join the ROTC! People murdered my name. My closest friends could call me Millis Phulenbruch, instead of Phyllis Muhlenbruch, and my godmother tried lightening up by turning my initials PEM into Pemme! None of that lifted the burden of being called Phyllis. You’ll notice in the 21st C approximately 2 girls being named Phyllis, and that may be an exaggeration.

What to do with a name you don’t particularly like? My dad sympathized and told me about a fellow named John Schliterbatz who detested his name and went to court about it. “I want to change my name, Your Honor,” he said. The judge indicated that would be possible, explained the procedure and asked what name John preferred for the change. “JIM Schliterbatz,” came the reply! I laughed over John and Jim, but “Phyllis?” Not so much!

Finally, in college, I learned that Phyllis is Greek for “green bough.” While I didn’t ask people to call me GB for short, it did make me like the name a little more. And then when I fell in love with Ps 1, the name Phyllis grew on me. Here’s the section that made my name come to life. Remember, “He” means he or she, as in a person. “Blessed is the one whose "delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." Psalm 1:2-3 (NIV)

Do you see what I saw? Or as my friend, Pastor Bill Yonkers says, “I tell you that …to tell you this…” all of a sudden it hit me. I want to be THAT kind of woman. I want my green bough, my very life, to stay supple and nourished by the Lord like a tree planted by a stream so it bears fruit. In the fall I want to be colorful and though I may lose my leaves for a season in life, I won’t dry up. “Phyllis” became a beautiful name for me. I thanked my parents who were so happy I liked it at last!

And that brings me to Phyllis Now…which is what I’m calling myself in this new chapter of my life. What about you? This fall what’s your fresh start? Going back to school yourself or vicariously through your kids or grandkids? With or without school, there’s plenty of learning left, as long as you have life and breath. In the Book of Proverbs, God makes it clear that it is to our advantage, here and now and for eternity, to seek His wisdom. “Blessed is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold, more precious than rubies. Nothing you desire can compare with her!” You may not need wisdom for your name that leaves you stuck, like mine did. But whatever has you stuck,” God pulls alongside to help you learn the lesson and pass it on. Because you’re not in this alone.

Have a great weekend, resting from your labors and delighting in the Lord!

2011-08-24T12:09:00.000-05:00

“Feminism: Where Are We Now?” Part 2 with Suzanne Venker, Meg Meeker, M.D. and Phyllis Wallace

Feminism promised to deliver and it did! Women have more freedom, education and power. But, research reports, they also have less happiness. Ok, we have more money, we’re liberated by the hook-up culture and even have tons of freedom from childcare. Why then are we less happy? Suzanne Venker and Dr. Meg Meeker reveal the unsettling flipside of feminism.”

Suzanne is a former middle school teacher turned keen observer of all things female, especially family! Her husband and two children support her writing habit. She’s appeared on CNN, FOX and C-Span and written for Human Events and the New York Post. Her first book was 7 Myths of Working Mothers, about why children and most careers just don’t mix. She speaks about her latest book co-authored with Phyllis Schlafly, The Flipside of Feminism: What Conservative Women Know and Men Can’t Say.

Then Dr. Meg Meeker, a pediatric and adolescent physician of 25 years, talks about the secret of balancing a career and family. Dr. Meeker is one of today’s most trusted family advocates. She and her husband, also a physician, have four grown children. The Woman to Woman® website archives have three previous shows on her national bestselling books, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, Boys Should Be Boys and The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers. Dr. Meeker has seen firsthand, professionally and personally, how the feminist movement impacts women and families. She has recommendations for women caught up in more “freedoms” than they might want, all things considered!

I wrap the show with my comments, “Woman to Woman,” on how I enjoy being a woman more than ever and why. And, of course, a story or two about how God is in all of that! Do you feel that way, too?

“Feminism: Where Are We Now?” Part 1 with Phyllis Schlafly, Jenell Wright, Jan Burmeister

2011-08-17T12:08:00.000-05:00

So what do you talk about on the last two shows? Well, I’m wrapping 20 years of broadcasting with two programs on the impact of the Feminist Movement on American women. Where are we and what’s next?

When I think of contemporary women who champion women and families, the first person who comes to mind is Phyllis Schlafly, named as one of the 100 most important women of the 20th century by the Ladies’ Home Journal. Her first book, A Choice Not an Echo, sold 3 million copies. Her national volunteer pro-family organization is Eagle Forum. Phyllis has passionately debated on 500 college campuses and written or edited 20 books on subjects from politics to family, feminism to nuclear strategy, child care to phonics. This highly educated woman knows victory with accolades from Presidents of the United States and a wide array of leaders in the world, as well as strong opposition and defeat. How does she stay so upbeat and feminine when the going gets tough? She has six children, was widowed in 1993 and today readily admits her age, 86. Phyllis Schlafly is a phenom! I ask Phyllis, “How has the feminist movement helped or hurt women?” Hear her answer to this and other questions, along with her hope and prayer for the American family and for the U.S. as a whole.

Jenell Wright follows Phyllis Schlafly on this show to comment on how the Feminist ideology interacted with her high-powered jobs and her decision to leave a handsome six figure salary when she started her family. Was it hard to pull out? Four children later, does she have regrets? How does she find fulfillment without the paycheck and the kudos from the office team? Tune in to find out!

Jan Burmeister did not set out on the fast-track to success, but she found it, almost in spite of herself. She worked with some amazing people and projects, including George W. Bush in the White House. Hear what Jan learned about women and the world of rights and wrongs as she shares her advice to women hoping for the breaks and striving for the advantage to be chosen for the fast track to the top. Her bottom line is lovely. “God does greater things with our simple gifts than we could ever do under our own steam!”

“After the Choice: His Story” David Rosa

2011-08-09T12:07:00.000-05:00

Men are seldom mentioned in prochoice or prolife discussions. But they’re the dads of the babies who are aborted and it turns out that they, too, are impacted by what happens “after the choice.” David L. Rosa knows this all too well. Today he’s married with 3 children, but he participated in two abortions and lived with the consequences of those choices for years before seeking help to get his life back. He first told his story at the March for Life in Washington DC in 2011. “If she’s in trouble, he’s in trouble too,” as we now know.

David describes very clearly how he reacted to the abortions with high alcohol consumption, multiple adulterous affairs and a grab for power and money. None of that brought any peace to his life. David says the healing process gave him peace that passes understanding from confessing to Christ who forgives sin, from confessing to his wife and family and from turning away from what was destroying him. He admits he’s a different man now, by God’s grace, restored to his loved ones and reaching out to keep others from making the mistakes he did.

This is a particularly powerful insight into the impact of abortion rights on men who may not realize what’s going on and most often will not talk about it. Here’s your chance to share a life changing visit with such a man. Thank you for helping me spread the word!

“After the Choice” with Georgette Forney

2011-07-29T12:07:00.001-05:00

While prochoice and prolife dialogue continues, let’s acknowledge that no matter how you feel about the issue, in the U.S. alone there are 3,250 abortions every day and each woman involved has her own unique reaction at the time and as time goes on. What do you do with the feelings, the fears, the questions and what if’s? Georgette Forney had an abortion when she was 16. Nineteen years later she experienced healing, forgiveness and reconciliation after going through the Forgiven and Set Free healing program. Through her restoration, she began to understand more about the negative impact abortion has on women and on society. Now, her passion for helping women find peace after abortion is matched only by her desire to see young people make positive life choices.

Georgette serves as Director of the National “Silent No More” Awareness Campaign. She’s addressed groups like the Society for the Protection of Unborn Children’s annual conference in England and Princeton University’s Organization of Women Leaders Conference. I believe this gentle Woman to Woman® conversation will empower anyone who’s discovered that abortion did not solve the problem and will offer hope for the same kind of breakthrough that Georgette had. Please recommend this show whenever you can.

Children of Divorce with Andrew Root, PhD

2011-02-22T09:38:00.000-06:00

Just like I’ve shared my favorite recipes with you for years, I love to bring you the best ideas for coping with daily life. However, I know this next sentence you may not take seriously. But just try, because it’s gourmet for dealing with something we’ve swept under the rug for decades! Adult children of divorced parents are likely to struggle with personal angst they’ve never felt permission to explore and resolve. There, I said it. As a junior high counselor in the 1970s, I watched divorce become easier and more accepted as I pulled alongside those children in their struggles. I’m still in some of their lives to this day. I saw them blindsided. I saw them get through it. And most of the time, they were told it would be a bump in the road, it wasn’t their fault and it was “better this way for everyone involved.” All of that can be true, but in this week’s show you’ll hear a thirtysomething man (whose parents divorced when he was a young adult) share his extensive research on the pain, potential healing and hope for grown-up “kids” like himself. He says he still has scars from his parents’ divorce, but that he’s whole and healed because of the Christian community to which he and his family belong. Find out what that means in this show. It’s not sitting around in a kids-of-divorced-parents support group. It’s more about being with people who are knitted together in the family of Christ and reach out to one another with mercy and grace as a normal part of living.

Dr. Andrew Root admits kids grow up and get on with their lives, some very successfully. But he says the pain experienced by children of divorce is what he calls “a loss of being.” You can get it back, his research indicates, through soul searching, support and the redemptive power of Christ and the church.
Dr. Root is assistant professor of youth and family ministry at Luther Seminary in St. Paul, Minn. He wrote The Children of Divorce. He is very personable -- not bitter -- but concerned about these now grown-up kids. He warns against minimizing the impact of divorce on a child’s life, even the now-adult child. This quote from Dr. Root addresses part of the issue: “As painful as watching the last act of my parents’ marriage was, the problem with divorce, for children, is that its ending is never an ending.” He goes on to say that its secondary effect is to impact a child’s psychological stability.

I wish everyone could read this book and hear this Woman to Woman visit. I believe it to be vitally important to the putting back together of a part of our society that can respond to mending and healing. Dr. Root has done our culture a gigantic favor by writing this book. Please take advantage of it. You may be divorced. Your parents may be. Someone you know is. Pass this on to them. It’s better than any recipe I’ve ever shared! Trust me on this one!

Interracial Marriage: Questions and Support with John Nunes and Pam and Tom

2011-02-15T09:08:00.000-06:00

The 1960’s film Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? opened conversation about interracial dating and marriage in circles where the topic hadn’t been discussed much until then. Now, according to a report from the Pew Research Center, one in seven new marriages in the U.S. is interracial or interethnic. Those stats would seem to tell us it’s more acceptable these days. Or is it? We explore the tensions and the benefits of interracial relationships this week with John Nunes, president and CEO of the worldwide humanitarian organization, Lutheran World Relief, and with the parents of a daughter in a successful interracial marriage.

My guests are well informed, open about the facts, their personal experiences, feelings and the struggles and successes of their own race relations. This energetic visit brings a whole new perspective to the word “interracial” and on how people -- all created by the same God and who can share blood transfusions -- have more in common than not in common!

This candid show can help us examine our own feelings about interracial relationships as we hear how it’s approached by and affects those involved -- both individuals and families. How much do race and ethnicity matter in your everyday life? And what about interracial marriage? How do your feelings play into that mix, so to speak? Although interracial marriage is on the rise in the U.S., it still remains highly unusual. Unusual enough that interracial couples face some added stressors for their relationship to succeed. I hope you’ll join us to look at interracial marriage, as well as some very basic race issues. John Nunes’ work takes him around the world and immerses him in global issues. Hence he is able to articulate observations that can help us better appreciate and understand the globalization of America, which is happening whether we want it to or not! You’ll be surprised at how he discovered he’s “a person of color”!

Tom and Pam have three adult children and live in Ann Arbor, Mich., a multi-cultural community. One of their daughters opened the door to their understanding of interracial relationships when she became friends with and then dated a person of another race. They share this story with her permission, BTW! The couple tells us when they included neighborhood kids from different races in their family events, it came as no surprise the kids would all get along, paying no attention to differences among themselves. We’ll hear how that relationship developed and continues. How do they deal with their uniqueness as a bi-racial couple? What about grandchildren?

I appreciate, respect and learn from Nunes’ theological insights on the question “Is there even such a thing as race? How does he propose we engage for success in getting along together?” The Pew Study, published February 2010, quotes scholars who say examining interracial marriages is important, as they act as a barometer of sorts for race relations and cultural assimilation. And what again is The Golden Rule when it comes to relationships? What does God have to do with interracial issues, anyway? The Bible makes it clear God holds us accountable for how we treat each other. Hopefully, this show can help us get on track with that in the area of race relations!

“Sing Your Song” with Vocalist/Songwriter Jetty Rae and Jason Stewart

2011-02-08T09:07:00.000-06:00

Sometimes a Woman to Woman show introduces itself to me before the guest even knows it! That happened with this Valentine show. When Jetty Rae performed last fall for the 14th annual Women’s Retreat at Camp Arcadia, Mich., she not only sang her heart out, she grabbed ours with her personality, her message and her tunes! I invited Jetty and her husband/manager Jason Stewart to meet you on this week’s show because when you learn a young couple’s first meeting was through an online search and then you see how beautifully it’s working out, well, that’s some serious W2W talk!

Jetty, a singer-songwriter based out of Ann Arbor, Mich., released her first full-length album Blackberries in 2007; in November 2009 she released her first EP entitled Nobody. She’s been the focus of music entities like OurStage.com who flew her to New York to perform during JetBlue’s opening of the new Terminal at JFK. Oh yeah! Then MTV.com interviewed her for its Needle In The Haystack series. Her song “I Love You” was selected for a free download of the week and featured on MTV’s up-and-coming artist blog. Most recently, Jetty shared the stage with Sarah McLachlan, Miranda Lambert and the Court Yard Hounds at Lilith Fair in Detroit, where she was selected by Sarah McLachlan and Terry McBride as the featured local artist.

With us, you and me that is, Jetty and Jason talk about all of that and more. I figure everyone has a song; most of us just don’t know how to sing it! She sets an example for that, as she serves the Lord with her “song” in pubs, on main stages, at church youth groups and camps! You’ll hear how she and Jason met and reconciled their differences early on. She comes at life from a Christian perspective. He, on the other hand, wanted no part of that until … You’ll find out where she gets her inspiration, how her mom’s acting company got her started. This show is full of ideas on how to harmonize with those we love musically, spiritually and otherwise. These two tune each other up. Find out how that works … this week on Woman to Woman!

“Overcome Emotions That Destroy” with Dr. Becca Johnson

2011-02-01T09:06:00.000-06:00

Dr. Becca Johnson, with a private practice in Washington State, has been counseling as a licensed psychologist for 20 years. She writes on guilt and child abuse. She co-authored Overcoming Emotions that Destroy to offer practical help in dealing with those angry feelings that trash our relationships. She says we can turn anger into a choice and explains how to overcome anger to use it positively. She’ll walk us through how to accept our anger, examine where it comes from, be honest about how we use it, be open to change and willing to forgive … even to forgive ourselves and, then, and this is brilliant, be willing to feel something besides anger!

The biblical advice found in Ecclesiastes 7:9 says, “Do not be easily provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” We can actually teach ourselves to minimize our stress and maximize God for the combination that stifles anger. Dr. Johnson reports that all of us have anger issues, so how’s that for leveling the playing field! Bring those issues to our Woman to Woman chat this week. Your relationships will thank you. So will your calmer self!

Here are a couple of quotes on anger to keep in mind in this month of hearts and loving!

“The greatest remedy for anger is delay!” ~ Seneca

“If you let anger get the best of you, it will get the worst of you.” ~ Anon.

Choose To See!

2011-01-26T10:04:00.000-06:00

When you have tears in your eyes, in your heart, does your worldview have to be tear-stained, too? Pain and sorrow are a part of life we can’t avoid, although we spend a lot of energy trying to. There’s not a person on this planet who will escape sorrow, but this pain can be useful to us. Now we have a peek into the benefits -- the very real, life- saving benefits -- of all of that. It comes from Mary Beth Chapman, the wife of GMA Dove Award-winning recording artist Steven Curtis Chapman. Together they run Show Hope, a non-profit organization that raises awareness of the orphan crisis around the world and provides financial assistance to families wishing to adopt. Mary Beth spent last fall on tour with her family and speaking for “Women of Faith” conferences. The Chapmans have 6 children -- one of whom is in heaven.

Mary Beth joins us this week to describe the nitty gritty of how wrestling with God after the tragic loss of their five-year-old Maria has taught her how to trust Him even more. Her book, Choosing to SEE, proves her point that God is good, even when things seem bad. She believes that no tears are wasted, because God hears a mother’s pain and sorrow and responds with hope and healing, as He daily helps us see His plan for good in the midst of evil.

I hope you'll set aside time just for this thirty minute visit with Mary Beth, with as few distractions as possible. She will speak truth to the deepest part of your soul, as she places your hand in the hand of God for the most difficult part of your journey.

Secrets to Measuring Up Kevin Leman, PhD

2011-01-19T10:03:00.000-06:00

If you could understand why you’re so critical of yourself, you’d be surprised how simple it is to lighten up and enjoy life a whole lot more! This is such a favorite topic of psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Kevin Leman that he writes about it in his latest book, Why Your Best Is Good Enough. Dr. Leman is a former consulting psychologist for Good Morning America and a frequent guest on The View and the Today Show. So right away, you know you can expect a lively chat with him this week on Woman to Woman®!

You will sit up and take notice when Dr. Leman insists, “No matter what’s happened in your life, you are not a failure.” He means it and can prove it, and you can hang your hat on what he says to be true! You’ll leave this show with useful ideas to help you be comfortable with who you are and move on to believing that God had a great idea in creating you with the gifts -- and even the idiosyncrasies -- you have. Find out why it’s great to be you; you might be surprised! You’ll definitely want to listen twice!

Peace of Mind or Mind in Pieces?

2011-01-12T10:02:00.000-06:00

Think about this verse -- Proverbs 12:25: “Anxiety in a [woman’s] heart weighs her down.”

You know that what rolls around in your head can keep you on edge and anxious. As women, generally speaking, we tend to take messages in, regardless of whether they’re true or not. Then they take on a life of their own and we’re off and running -- usually running into something we didn’t bargain for! We make mountains out of molehills and dissect a perfectly good situation until we can’t put the pieces back together again.

This week you’ll meet Debbie Holley who’s been encouraging women for thirty years. She describes us as “mental hoarders” -- but also says we have options to change! Debbie knows women; she knows we’re hard on ourselves. So she came up with a teaching series, part of which she’ll share with us Woman to Woman®. Debbie explains how we think and how to monitor ourselves when the thoughts cycling through our heads are counterproductive in our lives. Consider what’s going on in your life right now…and then tune in and learn how to choose which way to live -- with a mind in pieces or with peace of mind!

Chance to Start Over

2011-01-05T10:01:00.000-06:00

If you were offered a chance to start over again, would you take it? Or does that seem like finding a genie in a bottle, just make believe? For those of us who experience addictions, a second chance is exactly what we need. It’s what this week’s Woman to Woman® guest, award-winning vocalist and songwriter Sonia Lee, used to overcome her battle with alcohol. She’s changed her personal choices and her tune since she discovered God is the Lord of second chances. She’ll share all that -- and sing for us, too!

Alcohol isn’t the only addiction her solution addresses. Whatever grabs more of your devotion than it should, whatever drives your bus onto the wrong “highway” of life, whatever consumes you is an addiction. Hear about the possibilities for alternatives to that, how to one-up that addiction with something even more satisfying through a relationship with Jesus Christ, this week on Woman to Woman!

Out of Control Can Be OK!

2010-12-30T10:00:00.000-06:00

As you kick off 2011, you might be hoping to get a few more things under control this year! Every New Year’s Day, I plan to organize the basement, where right now the empty jelly jars are mixed up with the food magazines I'll read “someday”. There’s also that big box of stuff my husband marked, “Have no clue!” When life comes at us, especially with out of control circumstances like relationship or job or health crises, we want a box like that, to pitch stuff somewhere until we figure out even a tiny a piece of it. We can feel guilty thinking we’re out of control. But how much do we control, really?

Certainly, we can and must take care of ourselves and our responsibilities, but what about when we just can’t? What about when it’s way over our heads and keeps coming? This week you’ll meet a family whose “out of control” health matters have hit three generations with some form of cancer. Their responses to what could be devastating are worth hearing again and again until they sink in and become part of your own perspective. In overwhelming situations, they were not overwhelmed. They articulate beautifully that no matter how out of control your circumstance is, you can trust God to be in control. I don’t know where you’ll get a better peek at how “out of control” can be ok, than right here on Woman to Woman® this week!

Christmas: Perfect Timing Paul L. Maier

2010-12-21T14:31:00.000-06:00

“Timing is everything” or so they say. Think about the timing of the first Christmas. What if Christ had been born 500 years earlier? What if He had been born last year? Would history have played out differently? And what does Christ’s birth have to do with you, your history and, most of all, your future? Everything, says historian and theologian Dr. Paul L. Maier, my guest this week. Though Dr. Maier’s credentials put him in the intellectual stratosphere, he is engaging, down to earth, and as excited as a kid surveying presents under the tree when it comes to uncovering facts on the life of Jesus Christ. He’ll have you sitting on the edge of your seat, as he highlights God’s impeccable sense of timing when it came to that first Christmas!

Dr. Maier is the Russell H. Seibert Professor of Ancient History at Western Michigan University. He is perhaps best known as a widely published author of both scholarly and popular works. His novels include Pontius Pilate and The Flames of Rome. He also penned a theological thriller that became a number-one national bestseller in religious fiction: A Skeleton in God’s Closet. A sequel, More Than a Skeleton, came out in 2003. An additional follow-up work is slated for 2011. There are seven million Maier books now in print in 17 languages.

Christmas is God keeping His promise to not only rescue every person from eternal damnation, but to assure each individual of a personal relationship with Himself through Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit. “But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law” (Galatians 4:4).

Join us during this very special week as we glance over our shoulders and consider why, historically, Christ was born when He was and where He was -- and what that means for us today. It’s your time … in God’s time … to tune in for a Merry Christmas!

2010-12-14T14:28:00.000-06:00

All year long we go with the ups and downs of life, and then comes Christmas. Suddenly, there’s a change in the air, nearly everywhere. We see wonder on a child’s face and celebrate with friends and family. Eyes mist over Christmases past. It’s almost as if we can taste, smell and hear our way back through the years. And the music, well, what can you say but that its charms are unrivaled. “Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life” -- Berthold Auerbach

Some of us wonder what difference can one person make, anyway? And then, when you get to know people who make amazing differences in the world, you’re surprised at how genuine and unassuming they are. They usually have one thing in common: a passion for what they do. So it is with guitarist, vocalist and songwriter, Peter Mayer. He has been steadily building his own following around the country by stepping outside his front-and-center role as one of Jimmy Buffett's Coral Reefers to front his own band: the Peter Mayer Group. (He’s been on board with Jimmy Buffett for 21 sold-out tours and four gold albums as his lead guitarist.) He’s appeared on The Tonight Show with both Johnny Carson and Jay Leno, The Late Show with David Letterman, and others. He’s shared the stage with Don Henley, Dave Matthews, Paul Simon, Steven Stills, and Al Di Meola.

Mayer’s pastor, Ron Gluesenkamp, brought him along on a week’s retreat to Camp Arcadia this summer to weave song into his teaching. A powerful combination, these two! I invited Mayer and his wife, Patricia, to record on the spot, when I heard his story and his music. “Sing Joy!” is one of my favorites, and you’ll hear him sing this on the show.

Mayer knows how to sing joy, and he says you can, too! He’s one of those fresh voices who articulates the Christian faith so beautifully it stops you in your tracks. His life, his family and his music translate the peace of the Lord, which passes all understanding! And yet he’s right in the middle of everyday struggles and deadlines and life’s normal ups and downs. Tune in for this tune up to help you get ready to celebrate Christmas!

Ditch the Joneses/Cathi Brese Doebler

2010-12-08T14:26:00.000-06:00

About five years ago I started noticing highly trained women in fields like medicine, business and marketing begin to cut back on their hours. Others arranged for flex time, working long shifts a few days to have other days off. Why? They wanted to spend more time with their families. It’s a bonus for many women to create their own formula for getting the job done -- on their terms. And it’s happening more frequently.

Double incomes are nice when it comes to paying bills, savings, and acquiring a few “extras” in life, but if you’re among the 87 percent of moms who say they’d love to stay home with their kids if they could afford to, please listen to this. Business coach and mom, Cathi Doebler, says it’s possible to find a balance that benefits everyone. She wants to help you spend more time with your kids and still pull in some family income. Doebler is a corporate consultant and trainer whose graduate studies in corporate communication put her on a professional track before her kids came along. After working in the human resources field for 15 years, she wrote Ditch The Joneses. It’s about balancing career and family.

Doebler’s recommendations are as much about managing your money as about gleaning the rewards of participating in the life of the child God has loaned you, even as He guides and blesses that process. Part of the secret to letting go of a mentality that feels compelled to keep up with the Joneses is to follow Colossians 3:2 -- “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” It’s a perspective thing, God gives us children and He fully intends to provide for and protect them through us. How will He do that if we ignore Him to follow the world’s pestering nag that we must have this and do that to live up to other people’s expectations? You’ll hear good information and a compelling argument to figure out how to be more present in your child’s life, without exhausting yourself outside the home.

Ellie Kay

2010-11-30T14:24:00.001-06:00

The holidays stretch our budgets and our clothes if we’re not careful! You’re planning to cut back on some calories so you can indulge in your family’s comfort-food favorites this season with less guilt. Do the same thing with spending! Ellie Kay, author of The 60-Minute Money Workout, describes the biggest hurdles to getting back in control of our money, any time of year. She knows about the out-of-control part. She and her husband were $40,000 in debt early in their marriage. Within two and a half years, they were debt free, paying cash for cars, saving for their kids’ college and supporting orphans in Third World countries -- and all of this on her husband’s military income of $55,000.

I asked what holds us back from improving our money management habits. She advises us to be honest about our situation and, especially, to stop pretending it’s better or worse than it is. Then she goes on to explain her “financial workout,” including warm up, strength training, cardio burn, taking your heart rate and cooling down -- all in financial language to achieve financial freedom.

I found her convincing when she said we do not have to be in debt and a slave to our money. Her point is that having and saving money isn’t just about the dollars. It’s about the things in life your money touches: the products, the people, and the purpose. Her attitude comes out of her personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Kay saves money to have more opportunity to give, as Christ calls us to do.

“60 minutes a week can completely revolutionize your finances!” Kay says. Now a TV network and Fortune 500 company consultant, she’s written 14 books on money, and she wants you out of debt and staying out of debt. Tune in to this Woman to Woman conversation on her financial workout to see how all things money-related can change.

Married or Not, Realities

2010-10-27T08:02:00.000-05:00

If you’re married, planning a wedding, or hoping to marry, it really is both savvy and prudent to trust those who smile knowingly and say something like “Believe me, it’s full of surprises -- many of which can grow you into a much better human being.” Even couples who lived together before marriage tell me they basically had only clues about what was coming once they tied the knot.

But surprises in relationships don’t have to play out poorly. That’s why you’ll put yourself ahead of the curve when you hear Jerusha Clark on this week’s show. She points out that people marry with some assumptions that can hurt their relationship. For example, there’s this take on it: “Finally I’ll be loved for who I really am. I’ll be complete and satisfied, no more loneliness. Life will be so much better. It will be forever.” Sure. If only … so now you can learn to separate fantasy from reality for a happier life.

Clark is practical with this process, and it is based on how God means for marriages to thrive. Her point is that misconceptions keep us from experiencing real joy in marriage. She acknowledges that your marriage circumstance may not change, but she then shows how your attitude can bless the marriage. She builds from that by showing how you do not face singleness alone and explains how God helps navigate those waters. She’s convincing on how God cares about relationships and wants them firmly grounded in Him. In addition to her counseling experience, she references this Bible verse:
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them (Isaiah 42:16).

Clark’s book is When I Get Married and it sounds like a great read for our daughters or single friends -- and it can be that -- but it’s also a great read for enriching your marriage relationship as well!

When Pleasing Others Hurts You

2010-10-20T08:01:00.000-05:00

How did I know my drive (overdrive, really) to bring you food when you were sick, pick up your child after school while you earned your degree, or make everything from scratch while preserving fruits, vegetables, jellies, and jams for gifts actually stemmed from a need to please? For Pete’s sake … give me a break! Well, those of us for whom doing too much is never enough and more is always better finally hit the wall and begin to catch on. Maybe this isn’t as good as it looks, even when the applause drove our bus! Of course, some of that busy-ness was fruitful. Eating my frozen fruits and vegetables during the winters saved a ton of money. But enough is enough, and I didn’t know that. Now, 20 years after working hard to decide what is appropriate and what is unnecessary and over-done, I am more content and save myself better than ever for the things that matter most. It may not take you that long, especially since you get to listen to fabulous Woman to Woman shows like this week with David Hawkins, Ph.D.! He’s a psychologist with 20 years of counseling experience, and he pretty much nails it. His specialty is helping couples and individuals strengthen their relationships. (Yeah, pleasing others can kill relationships. Find out how before you have to bury some of your favorites!)

You see, we have to learn to responsibly care for ourselves if we are to responsibly care for others. Especially as Christians who serve, we can forfeit our God-given calling and identity in order to please others. And then we go from servanthood to co-dependency. So let’s, instead, move on from losing ourselves as we try to please others, to finding ourselves in God’s plan to lovingly serve Him and be fulfilled in the process. You’ll pick up on why you have trouble saying, “No,” and why you feel accepted only when you’re “producing.” And the really cool part is you’ll learn how to experience deep joy and peace from serving others out of your abundance, not your need. And there is a big difference there! The Bible puts it this way, with the emphasis on the last sentence:

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load” (Galatians 6:2-5).

Mother-Daughter Business Plan

2010-10-13T07:59:00.000-05:00

There’s no time like the present to get creative with your talents to contribute to a better world and put some food on the table in the process! I’m noticing more and more women changing their work schedules and their definition of “work.” From telecommuting, to cutting back to part-time, to even taking time off through downsizing or by choice -- we’re expanding our options. And the marketplace is friendly to good ideas and hard-working people!

A case in point is this week’s show. More than 10 years ago I interviewed “Tiny” (his nickname) and Dorothy Zehnder who started the Bavarian Inn in 1950 in Frankenmuth, Michigan. The now-sainted Tiny, through his community service, was later credited with making Frankenmuth the number-one tourist attraction in that State. They served (and still do today in the fourth generation of this family owned and operated business) 1200 people at a time in seven dining rooms where you feel like you’re the only one being fussed over with fabulous service and incredible cuisine.

Dorothy Zehnder recently turned 88, and with 70 years in the kitchen is now cutting back to six days a week! She and her daughter, Judy Zehnder Keller, talk about merging their business skills. Judy runs the Bavarian Inn Lodge and its entertainment centers, where I stayed in the “Ossie Hoffman” room. Part of her genius is appealing to all the senses, including a sense of taste and comfortable surroundings. There’s wholesome entertainment with fun for all ages. Every guest I met expressed their appreciation for the sense of caring they get at the Lodge and the Inn. Rooms are actually named after Frankenmuth families dating back to 1845, with papers framed on the walls to prove it! The Zehnders also preserve the legacy of their own family traditions, promoting things that make people fall in love with life and each other all over again! Hear how they do it, how you can be part of it by benefitting from their hospitality, and be sure to take away some good ideas to strengthen your own business plan -- maybe even with your Mom!

Breast Cancer: Hope and Healing

2010-10-08T08:03:00.000-05:00

When the doctor says, “You have breast cancer,” your to-do list changes immediately, as does your heart rate, and your plans for next Wednesday. That diagnosis comes with options for body, mind, and soul. Heidi Floyd was diagnosed with breast cancer while pregnant with her fourth child, whom she safely delivered after seven months of chemotherapy. If you haven’t been diagnosed with breast cancer or some “highly suspicious mass” (as I was, until a breast excision revealed it was benign), you know someone who has. If breast cancer runs in your family, you’re on guard, or at least you’re told to be. Floyd’s Mom died of the disease at age 42. You can imagine her fears for the journey ahead. You will hear how her disease has taught her to cope with fear and draw closer to the hope found in Christ as she considers her body a temple of the Holy Spirit. One of the Bible verses that sustains her is Isaiah 41:10: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Floyd is the development ambassador for the Vera Bradley Foundation for Breast Cancer. Tune in to gain strength for your own battles, whether it’s a disease or something else, by hearing this breast cancer survivor describe her victory over fear.

Betrayal

2010-09-21T12:38:00.000-05:00

What Meg Wilson thought she knew about her husband became a lie when she discovered his porn addiction. Her world fell apart with her husband’s confession, but in her struggle with darkness, she found hope and a renewed life after betrayal, including insights from his recovery. To help you find healing and wholeness, regardless of your circumstance, Meg founded Healing Hearts Ministry, with advice for women whose husbands are caught in the web of sexual addiction.

It’s your choice to let God restore you to wholeness and possibly rebuild your marriage. It takes faith, in the face of big odds against you, in terms of damage control. Though it may seem out of reach, there is hope after betrayal.

Wilson was blindsided by her husband’s initial confession, thinking they had a great relationship. But then it got worse. Her book Hope After Betrayal is a powerful account of healing. She is followed by Dr. John Splinter, with the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, who specializes in helping couples deal with porn addictions. He is candidly frank in addressing what keeps a couple together, when and if one must leave and why, and generally taking on the uphill climb out of this addiction back to trust and healthy intimacy.

Dr. Splinter and Meg Wilson admit that not everyone makes it, but they insist that when certain variables are in place, you have more than a fighting chance. Give yourself or someone you love the chance they deserve to get out of porn addiction and its effect on their lives, when you tune in to this program.

Destruction

2010-09-14T12:37:00.000-05:00

“What are the typical, perhaps inevitable, consequences of an emotionally destructive relationship that is not stopped?” That’s one of the questions I ask Leslie Vernick, a clinical social worker with a private counseling practice, who specializes in cognitive therapy. Her book The Emotionally Destructive Relationship is one of the keenest I’ve read on this situation, and I want you to meet her on the next show.

Her basic approach to breaking down and changing our emotionally destructive relationship patterns is succinct: Know how to see it, stop it and survive it. This can be a challenging relationship with someone close, someone professional – a boss or co-worker or a neighbor. We all have them and we can all use some coaching in this regard. Leslie Vernick teaches how to take on the “pro’s” who can wear us down and wipe us out, unless we have the tools she’ll provide! You’ll be passing this show around to your friends – and there will be a few people you won’t share with, so you can keep the “edge” on the situation!

A Survivor’s Story

2010-09-07T12:36:00.000-05:00

Where were you and what were you doing on 9-11? What was your reaction? Where did you find comfort and strength in the days following the terrorist attacks on our country? Lt. Col. Brian Birdwell stood twenty feet from where American Airlines Flight 77 crashed into the Pentagon. That was 2001, and after narrowly escaping death and nearly forty surgeries to repair the 60% of his body that was badly burned, he now talks about how his life was completely changed that day.

Lt. Birdwell wrote Refined by Fire and joins us, along with his wife, Mel, to tell his story of triumph through adversity. These days find him encouraging other burn victims and speaking about how full recovery from tragedy is possible. For him that happened by calling on God to restore him to wholeness to live victoriously in Christ. Wait ‘til you hear what that means in his case – totally amazing!

If you’ve ever heard these words from the Bible (Romans 8:37), “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us,” tune in for an incredibly moving example of how that plays out in a life, like Brian’s and like yours!

Recovery from Divorce

2010-09-01T12:35:00.000-05:00

You’ve seen the greeting cards that congratulate you on your divorce and suggest you’re free to celebrate now. If you are divorced, just hearing the word divorce can elevate your blood pressure. There’s hidden history and excess baggage and the trauma of rebuilding your life. Divorce takes its toll on a couple and the ripple effect can be far reaching. But as wounded as a person can be from the causes and aftermath of divorce, healing is possible. The Psalmist says that God “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Life doesn’t end just because your marriage does!

Dr. John Splinter is with the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, serving as Executive Director of their St. Louis, Missouri, office. He’s counseled thousands of couples and shares a wealth of information on this week’s show. His wisdom speaks to your head and heart. It could also give you the tools with which to reach out to someone else who’s experienced divorce.

Cindy Jensen Clark was a Woman to Woman® guest years ago as a recovering divorcee and returns with fresh insights and three proactive steps to smooth out your transition between divorce and recovery. She also speaks to seeing yourself in a positive way after the divorce and addresses the real source of the pain you’re feeling. Do you owe people an explanation of what happened to bring about the divorce? How do you feed the hunger in your soul, post-divorce? When the love you thought would thrive in your marriage has faded, ask God for faith to believe and trust His love to pull you through. And be sure to listen to this program!

Broken Life: Mended Soul

2010-08-24T13:43:00.000-05:00

Anybody ever tell you to “take a chance” on something good? I’ve taken some chances by going out of my comfort zone and trying stuff like playing the piano in front of a huge audience or pulling off a dinner for 23 in two hours! But Ginger Millermon took a chance simply because it was that -- or nothing at all. She’s a fabulous musician and writes songs that stay with you in heart-tugging, soul stretching ways. One of her songs, “Take a Chance,” is based on a lesson she’s learned in tough times. The words that stay with me are “You never know how God can use a broken life to save a broken soul.”

She wrote the book Grace Thus Far about her journey of faith through major sorrows like nearly losing a child who was born critically ill and an international adoption that put her and her husband in life-threatening danger. When you read or hear Ginger, you are hit with the fact that God’s mercy carries us through it all: the darkness, the fear, the loss, and the unknown. Join me as Ginger describes how she and her husband dealt with the frightening physical conditions of their premature twin son and the possibility of being denied their adopted daughter from India.

Was she just the type of person who could handle the circumstances she was dealt? If so, she sure didn’t know that. In fact, Ginger was one of those people who seemed to have it all. As a young mom with a great marriage to her pastor husband, she settled into a little Colorado town excited about his work and her family. Tune in to hear this advocate for children in crisis as she revisits the years of anguish, struggle, and transformation that began with the premature birth of her twins. I think it will tune up the song in your heart!

Discover Your Child’s Heart

2010-08-17T13:40:00.000-05:00

Do you remember how before you had children, you confidently rated the parenting of your friends and relatives? And, of course, that was in addition to knowing exactly what part of your parent’s parenting style you would never copy. Prior to actually parenting, it’s natural to wonder what’s the big deal about raising kids, because c’mon -- how hard can it be? Then we welcome our own little darlings into the world and soon enough we wonder if we’re up to the task. We are. Children desperately need good parenting. And while that’s entirely possible, it doesn’t just happen because you’re a parent.

I’m excited to introduce you to Dr. Tim Kimmel, who writes and counsels on parenting and grandparenting. He knows we can be great parents when we nurture kids to bring out their best, no matter what challenges they'll face in life. Dr. Kimmel then goes on to explain how our child is “uniquely wired by God for greatness.” He diminishes a lot of the fear and struggle of parenting with his sense of humor and keen insights based on research and experience with all kinds of families and kids. His book could be the take-home operating manual sent from the hospital with your child, along with the formula and disposable diapers. He describes the personality, needs, and emotional makeup of your child so you can work with -- not against -- that to teach your child to understand and control himself.

His grace-based parenting concept enables you to treat each child so as to aim them at true greatness, rather than merely success. His aim is to build kids’ character and focus on their three inner needs. And he does all this while maintaining an atmosphere of grace. Tune in and learn how God put your child together and how He pulls alongside your parenting moments. You could end up loving parenting as much as you love watching your kids respond to a great parent!

Treasures in Darkness

2010-08-10T13:39:00.000-05:00

As much as we try to avoid them, we know there will be dark nights of the soul. We understand life throws us curves. From a biblical standpoint, sin sets the stage for our own poor choices and the hurtful choices that others make. No matter how the dark descended, when it lingers, you wonder if you’ll ever be normal again. When will the pain and the fear stop? These questions are crucial to living the abundant life Christ promises when we believe in Him as our Savior from sin and our door to eternal life.

Wendy Blight’s life was almost too good to be true by her senior year of college. She had a job lined up and was in love with the man she eventually married. Her life was good. One sunny June day, she left her poolside friends for her empty college apartment. Her roommates were out of town, but she was not alone in that space. At the top of the stairs, a masked man changed her life forever -- at knifepoint. Long after the crime, terror ruled in her heart. “Where was God? Will I ever live without fear?” she begged. Her remarkable comeback journey out of fear, into a full and fabulous -- even richer -- life, will bless you on the next show.

Wendy goes into detail in her book, Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner, a mysterious sounding title from a woman who was a trial lawyer with three firms before she had children. But in the book, Wendy herself is in the dark and on trial in a way, searching for justice and freedom from her violent experience and its aftermath of darkness -- in spite of all she did to counteract that. I’m convinced the healing she received from the Lord through His Word is powerful enough to speak to the darkness in your heart.

The verse the Lord highlighted for her during her years of recovery is this:
“I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name” (Isaiah 45:3).

I’m convinced this will become your verse for healing, too. I’d like to get your reaction once you hear the show.

Forgotten Girls

2010-08-03T13:36:00.001-05:00

Are you into people’s stories? Talk shows pump them up, magazines get you the latest scoop, we read novels by the ton, so it appears we’re suckers for the storyline. But some of the worst and best stories we never hear because they’re simply not told. One example is the Woman to Woman story on the next show about “Women in Crime.” Let me rephrase that. We talk about places in the world where the only crime is being a girl, and the punishment is humiliation, torture, or death. Kay Marshall Strom and Michele Rickett work through an organization called “Sisters In Service” to bring relief and rescue to these desperate women and girls.

Twenty-first-century women like us have “rights” to education, to marry and have children or not, to invest money and to make plans. But worldwide -- unseen and unknown -- millions of forgotten girls have no rights, just wrongs, like starvation, zero education, as well as being sexually exploited and abused -- if they make it past infancy.

Women like Kay and Michele do an amazing job of identifying abuses against the most vulnerable people in our world, those whom Christ calls us to befriend and defend. We can help provide the basics to these women and children through education and sharing the Gospel. You’ll find the “Forgotten Girls” contact information along with the show on the Web site. There are countless ways you can be involved in efforts to stop the abuse of the vulnerable around the world, and we endorse those presented by our guests. In addition, we'd like to share an opportunity about which we are passionate. Lutheran Hour Ministries, the producer of this show, has an outreach that protects and helps female victims of sexual abuse in Cameroon. Prostitution and female trafficking are very common in Cameroon, and it takes people like you and me to step in and do what we can to help. These women are abused, forced out of their homes and, quite frankly, desperately in need of rescue. Find out how you can help here.

Just as Christ was despised and rejected, women and girls in much of the world are treated likewise. He welcomes them with open arms, however, through people showing compassion for these forgotten girls and through Lutheran Hour Ministries’ critical work in Cameroon. To nudge yourself to step out in faith and act on this, consider this Bible verse: “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of Mine, you did for Me” (Matthew 25:40).

I Can Do This Diet!

2010-07-21T07:53:00.003-05:00

How do you react after you lose weight, feel that rush of pride, walk taller with the freedom from pounds and think, "Finally, I've figured this thing out!" only to gain it all – and even more – back? You probably give up like the rest of us and think either it's in your genes or you just can't do it.

I'd like to help you prime the pump and reactivate that desire of yours to be healthy. If you'll listen to the doctor who wrote I Can Do This Diet, it'll jumpstart your game. I can't guarantee how long you'll hang in there this time, but you will be fascinated by this book you can't put down. You haven't had access to this much information about yourself…until now! Read, and hear on Woman to Woman®, how new medical breakthroughs use the power of your brain and body chemistry to help you lose weight and keep it off for life.

Dr. Don Colbert is Board certified in family practice and anti-aging medicine, with extensive training in nutritional and preventative medicine. He helped millions discover the joy of living in divine health through his NY Times bestseller The Seven Pillars of Health. He’s treated over 40,000 patients in 25 years of practice, and at least one of them has to be like you!

Dr. Colbert points out that dieting does not work, but God’s provision for balanced brain and body chemistry can bring weight under control for life. What he seems to do so well is help us discover and remove the hidden obstacles to weight loss, which can then pave the way for God to enable us to replace imbalanced habits and needs with His provision for sensible eating that feeds body, mind and soul.

I've snuck more calories than I could count on the fastest calculator in the world for a month, and justified or rationalized each and every one. But Proverbs 25:28 reminds me, "Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self control." When this Bible verse stared me in the face, I thought of how cleverly I've swallowed the lie that I can pull it off – eating that is, not weight!

Join me in this visit with Dr. Colbert, whose approach to lifestyle eating is actually more delicious than chocolate! Be inspired by his winsome, relaxed and confident communication of facts that help us make good choices, in the face of lousy habits and craving our best friend, food.

Forgiveness After Murder

2010-07-14T07:49:00.001-05:00

What do you do when God seems to be absolutely silent, almost absent, in the face of pain you know could break you in half? I find it helpful, comforting and reassuring when I meet someone who's found their way through unbearable pain and come out the other side in one piece. That's certainly the case with Cindy Winters, the widow of Pastor Fred Winters, who was murdered while preaching at First Baptist Church of Maryville in Illinois, his church for 22 years, on March 7, 2009. Pastor Winters was preaching the early service, Bible in hand, when a man walked down the aisle and started shooting. The Bible turned to confetti as the bullets killed the pastor, much to the congregation’s horror. The murderer, mission accomplished, was apprehended. But another, far greater, mission was accomplished that day, because of faith, that didn’t crumble. Cindy shares with us on Woman to Woman® how God eases her recovery from personal tragedy to trust Him, forgive the murderer and serve the Lord with gladness.

I know, it almost sounds too good to be true. But when you hear it from the wounded widow herself, you can feel the truth as she speaks. We read again and again in the Bible how God's strength is made perfect in our weakness, but to this extent? Here's a true account of God’s Power and Mercy to the powerless. This is about tragedy and triumph, forgiving the unforgivable, personal victory after huge personal loss.

Please take time to feed your soul through this visit with Cindy Winters. You will benefit from her powerful understanding of how God comes to us personally in crisis. Such a mystery and miracle are not for Cindy Winters alone. We know this from Bible verses like Isaiah 43:2-3, 5 - "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…Do not be afraid, for I am with you."

Happy

2010-07-07T07:46:00.001-05:00

"Mommy, how come you're more happier at the cottage?" That question from my 3-year-old Sarah forced me to ask myself the same question and spend some time figuring it out. I'm really happy to tell you...there's a way to be that – “more happier”, whether you have a cottage or not! This isn't the “Don't worry, be happy” formula, but more about being content in the midst of whatever life is dealing you right now.

I've picked up a few things about how to be happier when I’m unhappy, like choosing to be around people who are cheerful and content, not cranky and whiny, and like dwelling more on the positive than the negative. But there’s so much more to being genuinely happy that I want you to hear about from clinical social worker Leslie Vernick. She has a unique way of explaining how God designed you to be happy, why you need to know that and how you can conquer negative emotions with a few simple choices and some skills, as the Lord gently guides you in the process. Leslie knows life is hard, sometimes really hard, with a few smiles thrown in along the way. She lays out finding happiness in a way that makes sense. It reminds me of the verse from Romans 15:13 – “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Let Leslie help you identify and change habits you probably don't even realize are keeping you from experiencing happiness.

They Must Be Stopped

2010-06-30T07:39:00.002-05:00

You remember where you were on 9/11, right? It was a defining moment for millions worldwide. Where are you now, about whether it could happen again? Somewhere between denial and "Yes"? Brigitte Gabriel wrote They Must Be Stopped about defeating radical Islam to help connect the dots for the world on aggressions that prohibit God-given freedoms. She’s a terrorism expert with firsthand experience about their agenda of hate and force. I know, we’d rather talk about how to re-forest an area or the potential in outer space. But let's look hard and long at things we take for granted, before they slip away from us.

We celebrate the founding of the USA on Woman to Woman® this July 4 with Brigitte, whose zeal for rooting out evil against mankind is contagious. Having lived with and without her freedoms, she’s a student of world history and especially well versed in Islamic studies and policy. As a New York Times bestselling author, Brigitte is one of the most highly sought after terrorism experts in the world. She’s addressed audiences at the FBI, the United States Congress, members of the British Parliament’s House of Commons, the Joint Forces Staff College and others. She specializes in the Middle East, which is where she was born, in Lebanon.

They Must Be Stopped is not an indictment against a person, but an exposé of a belief system of hatred intent on domination. Brigitte refers to Islam as a total system, not as a religion, per se. Do you wonder, as I do, why women subject their daughters to genital circumcision, primarily without anesthetic, often resulting in infection and physical damage for life? I ask Brigitte that question. Does it trouble you that Sharia Law, when established within our borders, can keep a woman from protection by the laws of our land if she is abused, for example, by her husband? Brigitte speaks to that issue. In our visit, Brigitte addresses these and other facts we must know to keep our nation and values from being sabotaged.

Brigitte speaks truth so we can remain free, tirelessly collecting data for us to make informed decisions about our freedoms. Listen to this show at your leisure online. Hear about Brigitte’s childhood years in Lebanon, a democracy in the Middle East, until her Maronite Christian village was destroyed by Islamic terrorists who eventually took over the country, destroying its beauty, its strong educational system and its high quality hospitals.

This is an uncomfortable topic, especially in a politically correct climate, so we bring it to you in an honest effort to help you find Truth, as the Lord leads. If you have been apathetic to this point, let me know what you think after you hear the remarkable Brigitte Gabriel!

As we celebrate our freedoms this 4th, let’s thank God for those devoted to protect freedom. When I thank armed services personnel, I find great conversations can start with “strangers.” A person isn’t really a stranger when he or she affords me the life I love in the good ol’ USA!

Global Warming or Not?

2010-06-23T07:26:00.004-05:00

I was riveted by the dynamic, eye opening presentation by Ann McElhinney in January 2010 when she addressed the Constitutional Coalition’s St. Louis Conference on Educational Policy. I told her about Woman to Woman® and invited her to the studio to record her experience as a documentary filmmaker who wrote and produced Not Evil, Just Wrong, Mine Your Own Business and other films. Ann is married to fellow documentary-maker and journalist Phelim McAleer.

This Irish girl swims against the tide. She’s a powerful example of how, when you answer God’s call on your life, know your stuff, refuse to be manipulated and speak with polite conviction, you can impact His world for good! We explore “GLOBAL WARMING or NOT?” as I ask Ann how she’s been bold enough to take the hits and stand steadfast in her passion to uncover truth and bring it to our attention. She calls herself an “eternal optimist” and you’ll see why in this visit. I think you’ll find it contagious! I know it will make you think twice about how and where you get your facts. I like doing that with you, “Woman to Woman!”

Buried Alive

2010-06-16T07:24:00.004-05:00

This Father’s Day on Woman to Woman® you’ll meet Dan Woolley, who was buried alive in the Haitian earthquake, survived extreme injuries, hoped to be rescued, waited 65 hours without food and water, and accepted that he would not to be rescued, only to be lifted out of the rubble just in time to save his life. As Christians, we believe -- theoretically at least -- that God can prove Himself powerful in our impossible situations. But will He? This visit with Dan encourages, in fact urges, us to wait on the Lord, stand firm and sing a new song of praise to God!

The Bible verse Dan repeated while waiting on the Lord came easily to him; his college roommate had written it to music. It is Psalm 40: 1-3: I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.

Millions of viewers saw Dan’s wife, Christy, on the morning talk shows answer how she could endure waiting. After the miraculous rescue, Dan and Christy appeared together on several shows to testify to how the Lord sustained them both in their dilemmas. Now you can hear the details of how Dan had just talked with his wife thousands of miles away on his cell when a 35 second earthquake threw him under concrete boulders. It was lights out for two and a half days for Dan, who’d flown from Colorado Springs to Haiti on a mission trip with Compassion International. While Christy and their two young sons agonized over his fate, Dan was busy surviving the challenge of his life. Hear his amazing story this week and learn how to get your bearings in crisis and why that brings you into the calming Presence of the Living God!

This show is special to me on many levels. First of all, it is an incredible story of the power of God that is available to all who believe in His Son as their Savior from sin. On another level, Dan’s wife is from a family that generations ago used to play pinochle with my grandparents in Decatur, Illinois! I know Christy’s parents well, having summered with them in Michigan for years. In fact, her Aunt Janet was the main guest on the "Grandparents as Parents" program which you can access online. God weaves our lives together, whether we know it or not, to tell His story!

It's Just Entertainment?

2010-06-09T07:18:00.004-05:00

When you choose what to watch with your eyes, do you try to be media-wise? With so many film choices just one click away, how can you anticipate the content and the message to protect yourself and your family from the wrong messages? You know what it’s like to sink into the couch with your popcorn and beverage, expecting to relax and be entertained, only to instead be assaulted by words and actions that have you reaching for the remote. I’ll talk about that with Ted Baehr, who has produced hundreds of programs for PBS and won an Emmy® for CBS’s TV version of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. His influence goes far beyond entertainment to educating audiences on the impact of their media choices.

Even with the best popcorn in the world, the influence of media on ourselves and our kids has us swallowing some toxic ideas, kernels and all. Ted Baehr is the publisher of Movieguide: The Family Guide to Movies and Entertainment and is a noted critic, educator and lecturer. His mission in life is to educate audiences on how to be discerning in selecting their entertainment. His credentials include a Juris Doctorate from NYU School of Law. He graduated in seminary studies from the Institute of Theology at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine and earned a Doctorate of Humanities degree from Belhaven University.

All of this to say, Ted’s done his homework. You can trust him to help you with yours on this week's Woman to Woman®!

Girls Gone Wise

2010-06-02T07:12:00.004-05:00

In the film Gigi, Maurice Chevalier sang “Thank Heaven For Little Girls.” The lyrics begin:

Thank heaven for little girls,
for little girls get bigger every day!
Thank heaven for little girls,
they grow up in the most delightful way!

I’ve been blessed with three daughters for whom I’ve helped provide a pathway to the confident loveliness of womanhood. Now I pray, watch and “counsel” them in preparing their own daughters to find their highest calling as women some day.

The song line, “They grow up in the most delightful way!” is being changed in our culture, as it encourages promiscuity -- “They grow up into the most frightful way!” The Girls Gone Wild tour is more than a bus tour that makes one videographer rich; it’s an attitude that can detour and devour the lives of those who board this bus with self-defeating choices. Coverage of the spring break bikini contests, where dancing girls "flash" the crowd on video, leave us asking: What is going on? Where are their mothers? Mary Kassian, Professor of Women’s Studies at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, penned her take on the way it can be for our daughters in her book Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild, to counter the Girls Gone Wild movement.

Kassian encourages women with these words: “I believe the time is now for a new movement—a seismic holy quake of countercultural women who dare take God at his Word, those who have the courage to stand against the popular tide, and believe and delight in God’s plan for male and female.”

Girls Gone Wild goes beyond crazy “fun” on the beach. It's a mindset that promises personal empowerment and sexual liberation, and it's spilling over into other behaviors like "sexting." What are girls thinking when they send naked pictures of themselves via text message? It's about the thrill now and the price later. Join Kassian and me this week on Woman to Woman® to learn how to help our daughters, and even ourselves if we’re stuck in looking forever young or risky behaviors, regain the loveliness and power of true femininity.

Home Again After Deployment

2010-05-26T07:55:00.001-05:00

Not a day goes by without word in the news about our military forces and their efforts to defend human rights and freedom around the world. The debate continues about how many will serve where and when. Thousands of military personnel will be coming home, with many more in the months ahead. In next week’s show we talk about the tough transition these families face when they’re between serving our country and returning home to family routines. Jeanneane Musegades survived her husband’s seven deployments in ten years during his twenty-four years of service. Elaine Dumler wrote the playbook The Road Home to help service members -- both men and women -- who come back home, regain the joy and commitment they shared before their separation from their families. Both women share what works to stay connected during deployment and afterwards. I hope this Woman to Woman® show inspires you -- as it does me -- to take to heart the tremendous sacrifice military families make for our sake and to pray for them every single day!

She's Somebody's Daughter

2010-05-20T07:30:00.005-05:00

Of all the topics that break my heart, the one coming up next week is in the top three. It’s about recovery from the horrific crime of child sexual abuse. You wish you didn’t have to even consider such things. But to ignore them is to neglect the secret pain that threatens the body, mind, and soul of its victim long after the crime. You’ll hear, with our first guest, how porn was the driving force behind the abuse of her granddaughters. Then, author Nancy Flowers tells how she survived and overcame her childhood abuse. Nancy now helps others stand up to this “silent epidemic,” as it’s called. In my work as a family counselor, years ago, and now with women wherever I speak, I identify with their anguish and rejoice in their victory. “She’s Somebody’s Daughter” brings us hope for children victimized by sexual abuse and for adults who did not deal with their own abuse in the past. There’s good news, however. Recovery is possible by taking the ugliness and the shame and bewilderment to Jesus Christ. He lovingly leads us to healing and wholeness, as only He can! Find out more, and tell your friends. This is a huge dilemma for women, and we must help each other through to the other side of sexual abuse. While it is an abhorrent subject, if we don’t band together on this one, who will stand up for the children? In the Old Testament of the Bible we read in Ps 94:16: “Who will rise up for me against the wicked? Who will take a stand for me against evildoers?” That’s a call to us! Get started answering that call this week on Woman to Woman®!

Hooking Up Hazards

2010-05-13T08:11:00.008-05:00

My parents and little sister dropped me off at the university, helped clean up my side of the dorm room, took me out to lunch, and then drove off after a few words of wisdom and lots of hugs. I was excited to take on this challenge, thrilled that high school was behind me, and scared to death -- all at the same time! Looking back, I wonder how my parents felt. I know my sister was hit by the emptying nest, for sure. I was volunteering to learn about risk and standing firm on what I knew to be right, yet open to new ideas and behaviors. They came too, sometimes faster than I could handle them. Remember those years in your life? Some of the pressures made us cave and compromise who we were. But we learned from weakness where the real muscle was and used it to recover -- or not. In the end, I emerged stronger, wiser, more educated, and grateful my folks lived three hours away.

Flash forward a generation. When we send our kids off to college these days, it’s still with pride, hope, and a depleted bank account! We worry about their roommates, their studies, their friends, and their career choices. But former campus psychiatrist Dr. Miriam Grossman says we better also worry about them being “unprotected,” and how that is influenced by the campus “political correctness” that endangers every student with its attitude toward “hooking up.” Dr. Grossman is a board certified child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist, and is concerned about the effect of political correctness in the lives of our youth. She was first a guest on Woman to Woman® for her book, You're Teaching My Child What? Check out my interview with her on the May 15th program. Her latest book is Unprotected: A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals How Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student. She is joined by Dr. Meg Meeker, a pediatrician and adolescent specialist, who has authored Boys Should Be Boys -- a previous Woman to Woman show. Let their counsel protect your child against the "Hooking Up Hazards" on next week’s show. As always, program schedules and a host of other useful materials can be found on our Web site.

A Daughter's Journey Home

2010-05-06T08:10:00.004-05:00

My oldest daughter finished college and lived with us the next two years during graduate school. By then, her younger brother was in college and her sisters were in their freshman and sophomore years of high school. Talk about a whole new hormonal chapter in our lives! We quickly noticed the need for additional mother-daughter relationship skills.

One of the memories I cherish about Jennifer’s grad school days is that, even though she was in school and working, she’d walk with me around town several evenings a week. It kept me in shape and gave us time to connect. I have to admit, it was great to run ideas past her and grab a little counsel from her wisdom!

Now all three of my daughters are moms and the rough edges we experienced are pretty much smoothed out. It was so worth the struggle and work and prayer. We are bonded now, and while there are always bumps whenever people love one another, our mother-daughter relationships are fiercely loyal and nurture all of us in unique ways.

I know not everyone has experienced this kind of healthy give and take in their mother-daughter relationships. Some of you were treated poorly, or even terribly. Dr. Linda Mintle, a licensed clinical therapist who is a mom and has a mom, knows that, too. It’s why she wrote the book, A Daughter's Journey Home. This week on Woman to Woman®, Dr. Mintle will share insights to help us love, honor, and improve our mother-daughter connections. She’ll even help us realize it’s normal and okay to feel like saying, “I love my mom, but sometimes she drives me crazy!”

It's About the Music!

2010-04-29T08:09:00.004-05:00

"Music is what life sounds like," according to Eric Olson. Can you choose a tune to change what your life sounds like? One melody depresses, while another uplifts. Bach does it for me -- instant peace, and I mellow out. Whether you’re tapping your foot, dancing to the beat, or just whistling a happy tune, Eric Olson is onto something. Music accompanies us nearly everywhere we go -- sometimes by choice, sometimes not. It’s in the car, in the store, in the car rocking next to us, via iPhone, iPod, tweet, and Twitter. Since we pretty much live with surround sound, ask yourself how music plays out in your life.

Maybe you never really thought about it, but our next Woman to Woman® show entertains the idea that humming a tune with negative content in the words, can expose you to some subtle -- and some not so subtle -- spiritual dangers in music. We can get into the habit of listening to the wrong stuff and that can bring us down or misdirect our thinking. Check out the song in your heart when you listen to “It's All About the Music!” You’ll meet St. Louis radio personality Kelly Corday of Y98 /AC, who plays adult contemporary music, and theologian Paul Hemenway, who lived and breathed music through his alternative rock band Black Happy that toured with groups like Everclear and 311, and who once opened for Green Day. Now, as a theologian, music is still a driving force in his life and his work. Recording this show reminded me of what the great reformer, Martin Luther, once said: “Next to the Word of God, the noble art of music is the greatest treasure in the world.”

Men

2010-04-22T08:06:00.004-05:00

I’m from a family of women, plus my dad. He was outnumbered and did a great job of fathering girls! I learned a lot from him about a nurturing father and had a faithful friend to the end of his life. But that information didn’t always translate out into my relationships with other males. There’s something special about a dad and a daughter that leaves some wiggle room for idiosyncrasies and allows easy forgiveness. The next serious male study happened with my husband… and I’m still working on that one! In addition to my three daughters, God only trusted me with one son and I must say, I began to understand men a lot better through Brooks. I work with a predominantly male organization, sit on boards with more men than women and am open to improving my perceptions and reactions to men.

So how’s it going with the men in your life, on the job, on the committee, in the family? I assure you it will go even better -- oh so much better -- once you’ve heard this week’s Woman to Woman® show with Shaunti Feldhahn, who keeps hitting one home run after another with her books, several of which have been featured on the show in the past.

This time, we talk about the principles from her book The Male Factor. It could be required reading for all women everywhere on the planet as soon as they can spell M-A-L-E! It turns out we women have a lot to learn about how guys think and react to situations, to challenges, to us. And the great thing is, once we put a few concepts into practice, it makes it better for everyone involved.

Like Shaunti says, “We can be skilled, highly trained, networked and throw it all away by undermining ourselves in interactions with male colleagues.” She helps us crack the code. The goal is to get on the inside track with the men on the same team with us. Tune in for the unwritten rules, and learn how we can unknowingly sabotage ourselves on the job, until we know the natural laws of the work world.

This will begin to give you the information you need to make informed decisions and compete on a more level playing field. I believe you will be less dismayed and perplexed when you understand how God empowers you to be “salt and light” in using your gifts effectively in the workplace. The Bible verse that applies here is Col 3:23: “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” To my way of thinking, this is equivalent to a raise!

Losing

2010-04-15T08:05:00.004-05:00

Even if you’re not thinking about abs and arms and thighs that become more apparent in spring and summer, you’ll enjoy meeting this week’s Woman to Woman® guest, as well as hearing her topic. Millions of people watch The Biggest Loser each week to see their favorite contestants meet seemingly impossible weight loss goals. Julie Hadden beat out 250,000 hopefuls to lose 44.5% of her body weight and come in as runner-up in the show’s 4th season. She traded her weight for self worth and swapped the food addiction, self loathing and pain for a life full of energy and potential. Her story applies to anything we find overtaking us -- addictions or habits, or just plan ruts in which we find ourselves struggling.

Julie had always battled, or not, her weight and when she was a 37-year-old typical mom, her “skinniest” friend called her and said The Biggest Loser auditions were coming to Jacksonville, Florida, and Julie should try out. Julie, for some reason, tied her hair into a ponytail, auditioned and made the cuts. She almost was cut by coach Jillian Michaels once selected, because Jillian thought she simply didn’t have the wherewithal to compete. You’ll hear how Julie proved her wrong, why it mattered so much and how her life has changed as a result. What Julie learned about overcoming and conquering doubt and fear could be just the ammunition you need to take down your current life challenge!

In Romans 12:2 we’re told, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good and pleasing and perfect will.” Tune in to share Julie’s personal experience of mind transformation through her faith in Christ, who came to her in her darkest moments of wanting to give up and gave her the daily enabling to know and trust His good and pleasing, perfect will to accomplish her task.

That was back in 2006. He’s still with her and she’s still trusting, as she works to remain at her goal weight. What’s your goal? Are you trusting God to work through you to achieve it? He did it for Julie; He’ll do it for you!

Heard It All

2010-04-08T08:03:00.003-05:00

Just when I think I’ve heard it all…

I can’t assume I won’t be shocked just because I’ve “been around the block” a few times, “know the ropes” and have some years on my driver’s license. In grad school I worked with street gangs and in the State of Illinois Department of Corrections. I learned how to pick a lock and not carry a purse. I hope I also gave some solid mentoring along the way. But truth be told, even after those experiences, I am still shocked over and over by what goes on out in the world.

For example, I spoke this fall to a group of women involved in community enrichment. When I mentioned a Woman to Woman® show I was putting together on fighting the sexual abuse of children, one woman told a story I won’t soon forget. She was helping an 11-year-old girl whose mom had died and whose dad was not a particularly involved parent. The girl confessed that she was sexually active with an 18-year-old boy. When this woman asked why, the girl said her teacher told the class that in order to be sure they were heterosexual and not homosexual, it was wise to be intimate before ending up in a marriage that would end in divorce. The woman I spoke with anticipates a lot more mentoring ahead.

This true story, from a town of 650 people, made it even more important for me to bring you this week’s show. Today’s teens face an epidemic of sexual diseases, some incurable and fatal. Yet, according to child and adolescent psychiatrist Miriam Grossman, MD, public school Sex Ed classes promote sexual freedom instead of protecting kids with accurate information. We think sex ed is about health; she says, think again.

Dr. Grossman is so alarmed about sex education in the public schools that she wrote the book You're Teaching My Child What? to address the lies we believe about what’s going on in those classes. Hear her out on why, with skyrocketing STD rates and teenage pregnancies, sex ed is not effective. She’s convincing when she reports that these classes are not teaching anatomy, biology, neurology, endocrinology and physiology. She says, “Their mission is to mold each student into what is considered ‘a sexually healthy’ adult – as if there was universal agreement on what that is. This is not about health, folks. This is about indoctrination.”

So if you wonder, with all the sex education provided from early grades up in public schools, how can it be that one out of four teen girls has a sexually transmitted disease, please tune in for an eye opening show. Dr. Grossman insists teens are not miniature adults and that they do want parental guidance throughout their developing sexuality phases.

The good news is, we can be there for our children when we’re informed and take seriously the God-given role of parenting a child to grow up “in the way he should go,” so that “when he is old he won’t depart from it!” Get up to speed with this program, so you can check out the information your child is getting at school and properly inform him or her about her gift of sexuality and the way the Lord intended for it to function.

Easter

2010-04-01T08:01:00.004-05:00

Do you notice the variety of ways people celebrate Easter? For some it’s all about the Easter Bunny or spring break or buying a new dress or serving a traditional feast. Last Easter on Woman to Woman®, we looked at a different kind of celebration, when we visited with four women who had “Easter makeovers." They described how they celebrated Easter before they were Christians and how they celebrated after they converted to the Christian faith. This Easter, based on listener response, we’ll examine how Islam and Christianity differ in their view of the meaning of Easter.

Among world religions, the Easter resurrection of Jesus Christ is unique to Christianity with its proof and promise of “God with us” and life eternal with Him in heaven. Islam, on the other hand, rejects that Jesus died and rose again and offers a different perspective on eternity. With Islam exerting a greater influence in American life, I hope you’ll join us to consider the Jesus of Islam and the Christ of Easter with a former Muslim extremist and a theologian who’s an expert on Islam.

This kind of dialogue makes me feel more informed when I talk with Muslim neighbors and fellow workers about their faith and mine. Maybe there’s a mosque in your town and you wonder what they teach and what they believe, or your kids go to school with Muslims and have questions about their spirituality. Here’s a great opportunity to learn more about both Islam and Christianity. Send me your thoughts after you’ve heard the show, and check out the Men's NetWork Bible studies, Challenge of Islam: Part 1 and Part 2.

And most of all, a Blessed Easter celebration to you and yours!

Relationships

2010-03-24T12:39:00.004-05:00

Do you know the warning signs of an abusive relationship? You must, for yourself or someone about whom you care. Maybe you’ve had it with so-and-so, but you stay in the relationship with thoughts like, “Maybe it’s not that bad. There must be something else I can try to fix this.” It’s not abuse until he hits you, right? He has so many good qualities. Besides, other people don’t think he’s that toxic. Maybe it’s just me and I need to shape up a little bit. But as much as you try to change, it’s not getting any better, is it? It’s time to stop the abuse. But how? The Bible tells us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God.” James 1:5

Relationship expert Laura Petherbridge speaks to us this week on Woman to Woman® with the warning signs of an abusive relationship and what you must do to protect yourself when you’re in one. We all experience relationship issues that make us feel occasionally uncomfortable or where we get our feelings hurt, but Petherbridge talks about when the line has been crossed from normal unpleasant encounters into emotional abuse. It’s crucial to recognize the warning signs. Talk to someone you trust, because you’re isolated by this and that makes it worse. Expect resistance from the controlling person and also expect God to guide your emotions and thoughts to either working toward resolution or getting you out of harm’s way.

This show will be a walk of relief and just what you need to get you thinking and moving in the right direction. Let me know how it helps you!

Balance

2010-03-17T12:35:00.004-05:00

My out-of-balance life was obvious the day I dropped our son off at soccer practice and left his younger sisters, 5 and 6, on the swings nearby while I drove 8 miles home before realizing what I’d done. Racing back to the soccer field, I beat myself up over how much was on my mind and schedule to make me that unaware of keeping the main thing the main thing! We’ve become so skilled at multitasking, at overbooking our calendars and our lives, that it’s considered a badge of honor. As if there were such a thing as a happy workaholic! Whether you’re clocking more than 40 hours a week at the office or not, you’re most likely the typical 21st century woman who bites off more than she can chew. Maybe you’re convinced there’s no such thing as a balanced life and besides, who needs it?

Well, guess what? “Balance is crucial, more so than ever, because we’ve been robbed of it!” insists physician and futurist Richard Swenson, MD, who joins us with some life-saving secrets for a fulfilling and stable life this week on Woman to Woman®. Dr. Swenson combines his physics and medical background to specialize in the intersection of culture, health, faith and future. He wrote the bestselling books Margin, The Overload Syndrome and More Than Meets the Eye.

This week he pulls us into his latest book, In Search of Balance, which I was privileged to endorse on the back cover. This futurist, who watches and warns with precise brilliance, captures and decodes facts floating beyond our reach. Take advantage of thousands of hours of research that translate into the questions we need to ask and the answers we can find. To sum it up, he asks, “What’s your hurry and where’s it taking you?” We can downsize -- and often eliminate -- the exhaustion, crankiness, and unsatisfying personal relationships, as well as the physical price we pay with illness and the general underlying angst that keeps us from enjoying every day to its fullest. Dr. Swenson urges us to seek God’s help to catch our balance before it’s too late. Read his work to get a better read on yourself and what to do about it! Dick makes me happy to be alive! Tell everyone you know about this show, please!

Freshman 15

2010-03-10T12:34:00.004-06:00

My freshman year in college I gained weight. Was it dorm food or the “Freshman 15”? I have no idea, but food became my best friend. We hung out when I was happy, sad, stressed or glad. On a visit to our family doctor, he handed me one bowling ball and then another, asking how it felt to lug those around. It was horrible, and he said that’s what I was asking my body to do. He also handed me some little pills to help me get started on weight loss. They worked like a charm and by the end of the next semester, I’d lost 40 pounds. I loved my new look and my newfound energy, so you’ll imagine my surprise when I ran out of pills the next semester and slept for almost two weeks straight. As it turns out, those pills were doing a lot more to my body than miraculously shedding the pounds…and the effects were so harmful that those pills are now illegal.

But even if they weren’t illegal now, I’d tell you there are still much healthier ways to manage our eating habits and our weight. With all of the talk today about obesity in kids and adults, we have to evaluate the right and wrong ways to approach the dilemma. To help out with that, this week on Woman to Woman®, we visit with Dr. Linda Mintle, who studies people’s relationships with food. She says that the emotional reward from food is so great that we don’t realize it’s controlling us. Dr. Mintle is convinced we can change our eating habits if we push Pause before we eat. Her interest in the topic goes beyond diet and weight loss, too – she says that our spiritual hunger can also be related to problematic eating. Dr. Mintle explains, “When craving meets Creator, fulfillment happens.” We need His intervention in our unhealthy attachment to and relationship with food. I hope you’ll tune in to pick up some healthy eating tips as we enter into spring!

Twins!

2010-03-02T12:30:00.003-06:00

I’m keeping different hours these days, assisting my daughter with her new twins. They’re 10 days old, and we’re trying to establish a schedule. Their dad said to me at midnight, “This is what it’s like for the next 18 years, right?” Yep! When my two youngest children were born 18 months apart, I felt so isolated and asked God, “Is 200 diapers a week all there is? Something more, please!” God answered that prayer with an indoor singles tennis league invitation. Childcare for those three hours not only helped me get my game back, but also my energy and my sense of self, being out of the house and away from the intensity of it all for a wee bit.

The other half of God’s answer to that prayer came from a neighbor who invited me to a six week home Bible study. Eight of us from different churches studied under lovely, sweet, patient, winsome Mary Jane, an older and wiser woman of God. She’d been tested by life in ways I would never know, but she was steady, calm and trusting. I’ll never forget her saying she was such a mess that if she didn’t spend each morning in prayer and Bible study for an hour, no one would be able to stand her. We doubted the “mess” part, but we got the point about spending time with Jesus in prayer to be able to bring His sweetness into our days and our relationships. I committed to that more often and a year later started a Bible study in our home. Two years later the Lord used me to begin the “Wednesday Woman” Bible study in our church. One hundred women from 14 different church backgrounds attended for the ten years I facilitated, and it’s still going! Amazing how God energizes a busy mom for the task at hand. How’s he energizing you these days?

My daughter with the twins may eventually hear this week’s Woman to Woman® show with Lisa Tawn Bergren, who understands that when you have a family, suddenly time seems to stand still. People you used to talk to regularly don’t call so much. How do you preserve your self while fulfilling the demanding tasks of motherhood? Lisa says to stay invested in relationships outside of immediate family. When God gives us children, He knows our key relationships will change and intends for us to stay connected with family and friends for mutual support, in service to Him and in response to His love for us. Lisa lists six key relationships that can change for the better during the demanding years of motherhood, when Mom takes time to cultivate vital, healthy connections with others. Girls’ night out will not always involve a burp cloth, and meanwhile you’ll learn how those outside relationships can help you become the best mom you can be.

Contentment

2010-03-01T07:33:00.000-06:00

I’d been married about a year and was standing with my husband outside a Chicago theatre waiting for our car. Up drove a gorgeous, lavish car and a laughing, handsome couple enjoying one another hopped in and were on their carefree way. My brown eyes went green at that moment. I don’t really notice cars, but in that moment, I decided that if we had that car, we would be happy, carefree and laughing more. Obviously, to this day, I still remember that car and that couple – a pretty good marketing campaign for that car!

How distracting for my mind to get its exercise by jumping to conclusions. My assumptions could have been absolutely false; I certainly knew a car doesn’t bring the kind of happiness I thought I saw. They might have been miserable, or they might have been just as happy getting into a beat-up jalopy. Actually, that was my biggest assumption – presuming they were happier than we were because of their car. The incident left me to deal with a covetous heart that evening. What was I really looking for? A car? A perfect smile and grooming to match?

No, I needed to find what St. Paul talks about in Philippians and I needed to find it fast! God had helped him figure out that contentment isn’t about our stuff or our situation. He writes in Philippians 4:11: “Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.” That was the beginning of a life lesson that serves me well every day! Now, when I think I have to have something or want something to happen right now, I go back to that verse, say it out loud and my contentment peacefully drowns out the “have to!”

Love

2010-02-24T08:00:00.003-06:00

In keeping with February’s love theme, I’ve bypassed the chocolates and flowers, as much fun as those are, and skipped right into a double portion of the kind of love that equips us and builds us up to serve one another in Jesus’ Name and for His sake. This last Woman to Woman® show of the month will hopefully refocus our critical eyes from looking in the mirror after seeing the size two model on a magazine or hearing friends’ sighs about their thighs. You'll take a journey with Michele Perry, a Florida kid born with a few challenges -- that is -- if you consider one leg, one kidney, and a missing hip a challenge. She survived 23 surgeries before the age of 13. And now, fast forward to the present, she lives in the Sudan, filling a house with orphans, handpicked one by special one. “Love Has a Face” is the remarkable story resulting from Michele’s request for God to show her how to love with His love. It will help you discover how to be fulfilled and better use His gifts in the way you live your life, too!

Love Gifts

2010-02-17T07:59:00.003-06:00

Recently, I drove in downtown Chicago’s rush hour traffic with Sheila Simon. She’s the daughter of the late Illinois State Senator Paul Simon and his wife, Jean. Speaking over the din of heavily congested traffic, our conversation dealt with “love gifts” our moms gave us without our knowing it at the time. Sheila remembered how for a year or so after her mom died she’d pick up the phone to call her about something. Sound familiar? If not, it probably will some day. This sort of thing happened to me, too. It used to make me wistful, even sad, until I reminded myself to simply be thankful she was my mom and that she was now in heaven. But Sheila added a different spin, which I liked very much.

She said that while she missed her mom terribly, every time she’d think, I have to tell mom about this, she’d also think how great a lesson it was that her mother taught her to share and connect events and ideas with others. She now treasures her ability to “connect” with people -- whether it’s through teaching writing to law students at Southern Illinois University, or playing her banjo for fun with her husband and children. It’s a connect love lesson I hope to intentionally pass on to my children, now that Sheila has articulated it so nicely.

Speaking of connections, this week on Woman to Woman® I’ll interview specialists at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., about heart disease, the number-one killer of women. That fact is finally sinking in. We can ignore it, panic, or choose to take better care of ourselves. It turns out it’s really pretty easy to live better and longer when you do a few simple things. These heart-health experts speak to your head and your heart. Dr. Virginia Miller is a research scientist and Kathy Zarling is a cardiovascular clinical nurse specialist for high-risk CAD patients. Kathy is a parish nurse too. Both women discuss the calming influences that make for better heart health, as well as things to do and not to do to our bodies. Tune in for a heart tune-up with this latest information for women.

Love Tips

2010-02-12T07:32:00.002-06:00

Love Tips from my Woman to Woman® guests over the years:

· Sleep helps your love life because you’re more loving when you’re well rested. You’re more lovable, too! That’s 6-8 hours, preferably with the same start and finish times each day. The big problem with our staying up later and later is that we reset our internal clock to have to stay up until the new set time, whatever that may be.
· Unwind and unplug 15-30 minutes before bedtime. Keep technology, like laptops or TVs, out of your bedroom. Your brain is in overdrive if you’re connected 24/7. You can break the addiction once you remind yourself how good it is to be well rested. It’s self-reinforcing, but it takes a week or so of tuning out before bedtime for you to really feel the effective. There’s a scientific reason you can’t get to sleep right after working online. It’s called “cognitive stimulation” and it revs up the electrical activity in your brain. As the neurons begin to race, you’re getting the exact opposite of what you want -- to be able to drift off into peaceful slumber! Cortisol, the stress hormone, is released…and off we go to the races, not to sleep. Ok…as if that weren’t enough, factor in the light from your computer or TV screen. Your retina picks it up and passes it through to the hypothalamus (the brain area that controls some of your sleep activities) and slows down the release of the sleep inducing hormone, melatonin. I know, melatonin is available in pill or liquid form, but I’ve been told by sleep deprivation experts to try turning off the technology and see what happens with a little of your natural melatonin instead!

I’ve fallen into most of these traps and am much happier and fully functioning when I follow these tips. When you say “Night-night!” -- mean it!

Heart Disease

2010-02-10T07:57:00.003-06:00

What if your doctor sat you down and asked you, “Hey, did you know that carrying a broken heart -- a hurting heart over something or someone -- can actually increase your likelihood of heart disease?” On this week’s Woman to Woman® you’ll meet two couples whose doctors consider them “miracles.” It seems the best love stories mix romance with some crisis that threatens to tear that love apart. Often love’s passion burns brightly at first but can fade, even go out, in the face of difficulty. Miraculously, Lt. Col. (Ret.) Brian Birdwell survived the 9-11 terrorist attacks in 2001. He was working in the Pentagon when the hijacked American Airlines Flight 77 collided into it. He suffered burns over 60 percent of his body with nearly half being third degree. This resulted in more than 30 operations. He and his wife, Mel, share their hope through the message of Christ’s love and sovereignty.

Also, Gary and Carrie Gobble have a love story that will take your breath away. They summarize it like this: we met, we fell in love, and we’re living happily ever after! All that rests on the fact that Gary has received a double lung transplant and was mentoring others who were waiting for theirs, including Carrie. She, too, has received a double lung transplant, but their story certainly didn’t end there. They’ve now been married for four years. This show is bound to inspire as these couples have discovered a love to treasure through heart-wrenching tragedy and enormous challenges. Both the Birdwells and the Gobbles know true love will always finds a way.

Heartbreak Hotel

2010-02-04T07:55:00.003-06:00

. . . don’t check in there! It’s not a literal hotel, of course, but it’s a place where our emotions can get stuck if we don’t check out fast. Did you know that heartbreak over a love gone wrong in a struggling or even in a broken friendship heightens our risk of heart disease? According to a 12-year study conducted by Roberto De Vogli, Ph.D., people in such relationships were 34 percent more likely to have a coronary event. One conclusion was that having more friends was not always an optimal situation. What counts is the quality of our friendships. Low-stress relationships are apparently heart-healthy. Add those to your daily menu!

What fascinates me is the bad heart connection that accompanies bad relationships. I think it’s because we try to work out the challenges in our heads by replaying the communication that didn’t work in the first place. In so doing, we experience the same negative responses we had in the actual event, over and over again. These responses can include depression, resentment, and anger -- emotions known to increase the possibility of heart disease. Men and women are both susceptible, and age and income/social status are not factors.

It’s all the more reason to ask God to help us forgive, even as He forgives us for Christ’s sake, and then move on by putting the matter in God’s hands. Then we’re free to nurture other healthier relationships waiting to happen. To help with matters of the heart, we’re bringing you some fabulous Woman to Woman® shows this month. You’ll love “Safe Haven Marriage” with father-daughter team, Arch Hart, Ph.D. and Sharon Hart Morris, Ph.D., who nail it on understanding your marriage in a whole new way. They teach us how to become emotionally connected with our spouses and how to turn “war zones” into “safe havens”! Tune in and build a relationship you want to come home to!

Change of plans!

2010-01-25T16:00:00.000-06:00

After a master’s degree, a Ph.D. seemed a logical next step in my goal to encourage others. But instead, my husband went to law school, and I went to work to earn what was termed the “PHT” degree. “Putting Hubby Through!” My choice at the time was either to help Rich or pursue my degree and eat cereal three meals a day. I knew when my mom skipped college, she ended up feeling inferior to my dad who was a university professor. Even with just two of my eventual four children in tow, I felt a nagging inside to go back to school. I finally put the matter to rest by throwing myself into mothering and homemaking and letting the chips fall where they may. Gradually, the joy of that job won out over the frustrations of not going to school. I did what mattered most to me, tending to the mundane, unpaid, and endless duties of being a wife and mom. Now and then I imagined what doors would have opened to me as a Ph.D. Some days I thought about resigning.

Looking back, what mattered most to me paid off. My kids didn’t cost me half as much as they taught me! I ended up encouraging others through a radio show, writing, and speaking, rather than as a family therapist. Interestingly enough, my mom’s grandchildren, my children, were the ones who affirmed her because they mattered most to her. They didn’t see her academically. They saw and responded to her love for them.

Whatever your strivings this New Year, it’s important to avoid putting off your good intentions to write, call, or visit someone. Begin to mend fences; right wrongs, even take a risk you otherwise wouldn’t. Say “no,” if necessary, so you can say, “yes” to something else, consider the greater good over and against having it your way. A change in plans may be a detour, but it doesn’t mean you won’t reach your best destination, which is the place God has in mind for your talents!

Part Two

2010-01-18T15:26:00.001-06:00

My daughter fully intended to stay with me until I went into surgery, but hospital delays forced her exit to go pick up her preschooler. It was kind of weird when each person from intake to pre-op to recovery asked, “Who is with you today?” My husband was tending to another situation. I considered saying, “Just God and me. That makes four of us!” But they may have put me in a different ward! To tell you the truth, it was just God and me, and I was so aware of that. If I hadn’t been, I think I would have freaked out. I mean, they do use heavy instruments and brute force to take your knee out and put a titanium one in. Recovery is said to be more demanding than hip replacement. I could have thought of all that stuff. But instead I was thanking God for a great surgeon and the ability to complete this procedure and, hopefully, regain the normal use of my new knee soon.

I prayed for an elderly woman in the curtained off area next to me who was totally alone, hoping she was okay. I was awed by the precision and efficiency of this huge teaching hospital staff. They would come and go, politely and caringly asking patients how they were doing and answering questions they might have had. I prayed for everything to go well that day for all of them and their patients. And with complete calm, I went under with a spinal. When I came to, it was over.

Now, I can’t lie and say it was/is all a piece of cake. There were unpleasant and painful moments. Six weeks later, discomfort continues to varying degrees. My range of motion excites the physical therapists. I overdo it because I think I can and then pay for it with exhaustion! But the take-away value of this experience, in addition to securing a new knee that will enhance my quality of life whether I can rush the net again or not, is that I walked into the surgery solo. That is remarkable to me. I’m mentioning it, not because it’s newsworthy or a huge story, but because I know somebody reading this could be facing something huge or scary all alone.

If that’s you, I want you to know we’re not ever alone, ever. I know this, believe it with my whole heart, and assure people of it in view of a diagnosis, relationship crash, or job loss. But when push comes to shove and I stand before my firing squad, as it were, by myself, what comfort and blessed assurance it is to know for sure that God is with me. It’s just one more way He proves Himself powerful on our behalf, showing up like that, being with us always to the end of the world, just as He promises. Whatever comes your way this next year, whether you stand up to it alone or with the support of others, you will make it. God is with you, looking out for your best interest, guiding you with His loving provision -- seen or unseen. We sang “O Come O Come Immanuel” at Christmas. Immanuel means “God with us!” How sweet the sound! How sure the promise! Happy New Year!

Replacement

2010-01-14T15:25:00.003-06:00

If you’d told me I would go solo into total knee replacement from waiting room to pre-op to surgery itself, I would have shuddered at the thought. In fact, before my only other major surgery years ago, I begged God to spare me the knife. I was terrified. When it was required to save my life, I submitted and learned a huge lesson in facing my fears in total weakness, relying on the Lord’s strength to carry me through. The Bible verse I clung to at that time was, “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Tim 1:7).

But this time something had changed in my fear ratio, without my knowing it. Physically, too much tennis and other factors over the years tore my ACL and meniscus. I ignored it, used non-invasive techniques to soothe it for a while, and then hit the wall. The toughest part for me was admitting this was it. What limp? So the pain keeps me up at night! I had to part with my knee. Not sure what happened. Both parents had good knees. My dad was beating me at singles when he was 75! But my cartilage was pretty much gone, and I had no choice.

I prayed about it, of course, always open to a miracle. I mainly asked for things to fall into place and they did. Friends referred me to an outstanding orthopedic physician/surgeon who actually designs knee replacements. The timing was perfect. My producer, Christy, is expecting her third child in January, so we doubled up on radio show production to be able to both take time off.

That rigorous routine probably offset some surgery angst. I also sought out people who'd had total knee replacements, observing that those with the best results were tall skinny men! Our kids and their families came home for a great Thanksgiving weekend, including a 74-degree day at the St. Louis Zoo! In church on Sunday I felt peace about the surgery. The kids all left. I washed and ironed and put beds and tablecloths back in place. I worked on Monday, stayed at my daughter’s house and had her drop me off at the hospital the next morning.

We interrupt this program for a quick commercial break! The first Woman to Woman® show this month was my chat with Ruth Koch about adjusting to change in our lives. Pick up her keen insights to send you into the New Year with your eyes wide open! Come back later for the rest of this surgery story.

Meet Dr. Kevin Leman

2010-01-12T12:02:00.003-06:00

Psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman has been bringing his relationship expertise and unique way of lightening up any situation with humor to listeners of Woman to Woman® for years! So last November, when I was speaking in Tucson, his hometown, I stopped by an event he was keynoting just to say, “hi.” I was struck by his persona in the large auditorium where about 100 women gathered to hang on every word, get his autograph, and buy his books. What really impressed me, beyond his personal attention to their questions, was the fact that this man speaks to 15,000 women in some settings, is a New York Times bestselling author who’s written 35 books about relationships, and he’s spending an entire day with 100 women. That’s the kind of guy he is, real and unimpressed with himself. He sees a need and tries to meet it. And every single time he brings us just the information we need to energize us with genuinely useful answers to our dilemmas. Thanks, Dr. Leman, for the great example of servant leadership! Enjoy our visit together at the Woman to Woman mic as Dr. Leman helps us simplify what we consider impossible about our men.

Eyes On Me

2009-12-29T13:07:00.000-06:00

Three-year-old Hannah marched past her brother and sister as I helped with homework. Reaching around her two-year-old sister sitting on my lap, she placed her little hands on my cheeks, turning my face into hers. She meant business. “Mommy, put your eyes on me, just me!” This was an order I couldn't refuse. It reminds me of an offer I can't refuse this time of year.

Children place Christmas orders and wait to see what turns up. What about us? What will we do with the offer of a lifetime, lying in a manger? Was He on your list? He wasn't on mine, until God sent Himself in the flesh 2,000 years ago. Up to that point, the list was kind of up for grabs. People put in their orders for centuries, waiting to see what turned up. Many supposed answers arrived. False prophets claimed to be the gift. Some were fooled and followed false prophets, whose leading was ludicrous, and whose answers didn’t satisfy. People continued to cry out to God, as Hannah begged me, “Put your eyes on me, just me.”

At the appointed time, He did, in the person of the Christ child. At first, the babe of Bethlehem wasn't whom they expected. He seemed so ordinary, from His birth until about 30 years of age, except for that incident in the temple at 12. His mother, Mary, knew from the moment of the angel’s announcement, the child she would bear would be the Son of God. She must have been anxious for that gift to be unwrapped, revealed. It was following her insistence that Jesus showed her His stuff, remember, when He performed His first miracle -- turning water into wine.

How many more of His gifts would come in the days ahead? With each and every one, what was revealed but the power of our Almighty God. So when people cried out, “God, look at me, just at me!” He proved Himself by healing the sick, giving the blind sight, casting out demons, even raising the dead. Now, talk about gifts.

The heavenly gift that delivers stands in stark contrast to the other gifts we’ll throw away or outgrow from Christmas. This one is imperishable, good for a lifetime. How will you and I celebrate this gift from God? Let’s keep it, treasure it, and tell about it. After all, His eyes are on you. He chose you to be His for a Merry Christmas and a blessed hereafter!

Is He at Your House and Mine?

2009-12-23T07:35:00.001-06:00

My husband decorates our fences with greens, ribbons and lights and the mantles with fresh greens and candles. I snip holly to tuck in hurricane lamps around candles and in table arrangements. It’s beautiful, but there’s no Jesus there. I looked further at tiny wooden painted carolers, reindeer, silver angels with halos, old family ornaments and trimmings. I leafed through tablecloths and napkins, Christmas plates with bells and holly, small trumpets whispering reminders of possible accompaniment when the angels sang that night over Bethlehem…but He wasn’t there either.

Then my eyes cast on the old wooden box full of cards coming in the mail. There He was, again and again, sent across the miles from people who know, worship and adore Him. There He was on the piano music stand in the music our family played in church on Christmas Eve with violins, oboe and piano: J.S. Bach’s “Beside Thy Cradle Here I Stand!” In my Christmas jewelry box I found Him in a manger on a lapel pin to wear on my jacket. My Christmas cookie cutters include a cross (totally Jesus!) and a church we paint with frosting each year. There’s Jesus, too, all year round, on a wall icon a nephew brought from Greece.

Last night I made sugar cookie shapes with Lew, 3 and James, 5. We rolled out the dough, side by side at the kitchen table, me with my marble rolling pin and them with their child-size rolling pins. There were stars, bells, angels, gingerbread man, and candy canes. No Jesus, until little Lewie handed me several globs of dough she’d rolled in her tiny hands to bake. “It’s Baby Jesus in His manger, Oma!” she explained. Indeed, there He was, head obviously rolled and placed in that hand-hewn shape. She painted Him white with a touch of yellow, perhaps His halo. I hadn’t even thought much about that until just now, writing this. There are several nativity scenes in their home. There are also lots of car, princess and baseball ornaments on their children’s trees. But Lew pulled out the real meaning of Christmas when she fashioned the Christ Child that night with her heart and her hands, and I almost missed it because it wasn’t the prettiest cookie shape we painted, or the most obvious.

Isn’t that how the Bible describes The Christ? He was not the most handsome of all men, not to be noticed. He wasn’t that obvious. But what He did and what He does for us is the sweetest message in all the world. It fills your life with hope and joy when you find Jesus in the Baby Boy. Then Jesus will live at your house and be shared there with all who come. Merry Christmas!

Luke 2: 8-15

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."

Where is Jesus?

2009-12-21T07:34:00.000-06:00

Here’s a note from Karen, a women’s ministries staffer out east where my 10- and 7-year-old grandchildren attend church. My daughter Jennifer left town to stay with a friend in the final stage of cancer, and Karen helped out by watching the girls one morning. It speaks for itself.

“I spent Saturday morning with Emma & Lillian. Jennifer was in AL visiting Christy and Phil had a business meeting, so I was enlisted to watch the girls. After being soundly beaten in Wii, I decided to take them to the mall to see if we could find Jesus anywhere. All we could find were two stores that sold nativity ornaments (which we had to search for amongst the millions of Santas, snowmen and reindeer).

“We boldly asked the lady in the puzzle store if Jesus was in the store and she had to search hard to find a 1000 piece puzzle of the last supper. Finding it impossible to find Jesus, we searched just for the word ‘Christmas.’ Only one store had the word in their promos. To say the least, we were bummed. On the way home, Lillian found 23 Santas, a couple dozen lit up reindeer and lots more inappropriate indications of the reason for the season. Finally, we saw a Jesus banner hanging from a house, and a plastic Mary and Joseph adoring a plastic Jesus. The girls concluded that people were missing the point of Christmas. It was a big learning experience for all of us. It was sad not to find Jesus in Christmas. Hope your Christmas overflows with Jesus. – Karen”

Now we know it’s not the retailer’s job to tell the Christmas story, and we may not be able to change the world’s mind about how to celebrate Christmas, but we can introduce the world to Jesus. For starters, someone gave me an “It’s ok. Wish me a Merry Christmas!” button to wear! It’s ok not to, also, or to not put Christmas on your store signs. It is interesting, though, that Christmas is about the birth of Christ…whether you believe He is the Savior of the world or not. Lots of people cash in on the merriment of Christmas cheer, even though they miss the message for one reason or another. Can you celebrate without Him? Sure…but then you’re not celebrating Christmas!

I don’t know if He’s in your mall or your mail, on your coat, in your spouse, or on your City Hall lawn. The question is, is He at your house? I just looked for Jesus in my own home, like Emma and Lillian looked for Him at the mall. In a few days I'll tell you what I found. Meanwhile, take a look around. Is He there?

The Sound of Music

2009-12-17T13:09:00.002-06:00

I had the thrill of visiting with Maria Von Trapp at the mic in Burlington, Vermont, back in 1999, for the Woman to Woman® Christmas show. Maria’s family story inspired the grand musical The Sound of Music. The film was definitely not a documentary, she advised, because the film’s great escape over the mountain would have landed them in the Berchtesgaden -- Hitler’s hideout! She went on to say that the children were actually older, the eldest being a medical school student at the time of their escape.

There was plenty of truth in the movie version, however. Their mother did die, leaving seven children. The Captain “wasn’t as strict as portrayed in the movie with his whistle. He adored us and provided lovingly for us in every possible way.” It is true that he called a monastery to find a teacher for his daughter, Maria; she had a weak heart and required home tutoring. The monastery recommended another “Maria,” sent home from the convent with headaches. This was the musical Maria who came to teach with guitar in tow. The children’s mother had taught them instruments and to sing, but not in parts. Now they would learn Austrian folk songs and harmony and eventually take their show on the road…around Europe and all the way to the United States. The new Maria taught the ailing young Maria in the mornings and in the afternoons developed the little troupe for the stage. Somewhere along the way, she also found the time to fall in love with the Captain!

They married and ultimately brought three more children into the world. In fact, Maria was pregnant with their last child when they escaped. I asked the younger Maria how she could be thankful with so much loss in her life. She said her mother’s death, her own childhood heart disease (which she noted joyfully brought a new mother into her life!) and her family’s flight with no money from Austria all appeared to be tragic, “but it turned out to be a blessing that sent us around the world singing! So tell people to praise God under all circumstances. The devil cannot win when we do that!”

If all that glitters is not gold, I learned from Maria Von Trapp that all that shatters is not loss. Maria’s life message is to wait on the Lord. He revealed to her over time that just as He took her beloved mother home to Himself in heaven, He sent another mother to pick up where the first left off and finish the job. It was her work teaching them musical parts, after all, that was their ticket out of harm’s way. Christmas reminds us of how, for thousands of years, God’s people waited and watched for The Messiah to come. And when the time was right, He came! This Christmas, He comes with joy to the world. He comes to you, in your waiting, in your circumstance, to bring you His peace. Merry Christmas!

The Possibilities

2009-12-14T13:07:00.001-06:00

Three of our kids and their kids came home for Thanksgiving. Sarah, expecting twins, received lots of questions from the 3 to 10 year olds. Things had settled in by Thanksgiving Day and the great meal was served. Sarah’s family is vegetarian, and I forgot to put their “flurkey” in the oven in time, so they enjoyed our veggies and fruits and waited until later that evening for their “roast.” As Sarah nibbled at her small, late plate, she sat on the couch near the playing children. She pointed to the plate laying flat on her tummy. They thought that was hysterical! The next day my husband and I took them all out to breakfast at The Happy Cow, a restaurant where there are more cow paraphernalia than you can moo over. The parking lot was crowded, and five-year-old James heard his dad say, “I wonder if they’ll have enough tables for our group.” To which James piped up, “It’s okay, Daddy; Sarah has her own table”

Do we see the possibilities or do we look through the same glasses and see the same-ol’ same-ol’ in our lives? Is it a pregnant woman’s table or a pregnant woman? God’s examples in the Bible lead us to look at people and circumstance more like He does -- in terms of possibilities. His Word indicates that things are not as they appear. We see the impossible. He sees the possible. Not only does He see our hurdles and setbacks, He uses them for good. He can change your mind, your situation, your tomorrows, or all of the above! When God sets the table for us, it’s always with a fresh perspective, a better way, and a hope we can count on. Have a seat at that table where there’s always room!

Worth the Wait!

2009-12-07T10:32:00.000-06:00

My Sarah and her Ben have a darling starter home and they’re expecting twins. They either have to pull out two drawers or look for real estate. It worked out beautifully for them. The home they’d totally rehabbed was just perfect for the next buyer -- newlyweds! And the home they found would accommodate their growing family needs nicely. They prepared little Hazel for the move, explaining all the fuss about packing big boxes, and friends and family coming to help, so they would have more room because the two babies are coming, etc. Moving day arrives and there’s much commotion, of course. When the dust settles and they’re standing, surrounded by the boxes, in their new home, they see little Hazel, two, going from one room to the next and back again. “What are you doing, Hazel?” they wondered. “Where are the babies? I want to see the babies and give them a kiss!” came the reply.

A few more months and we’ll all be able to give them a kiss. Meanwhile, we appreciate lessons from the pack-and-move crowd. It can be so hard to move, to relocate, to face change. Maybe if we look forward to it like Hazel did and look for the babies and the new opportunities to love, it will make the move -- the change -- easier. Waiting time can be excruciating or, when left in the Lord’s hands, more than possible. Take courage from Lamentations 3:25, “The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him.” That in itself makes the wait worth it

Taste and See

2009-11-26T10:31:00.001-06:00

There are endless reasons to be thankful if we’ll but watch for them! I can be so focused on one thing to the exclusion of others that I miss the “moment!” My kids help me stay on track. Like this summer when my three daughters and their families came to the Michigan cottage. I arrived a couple of days later and made dinner to give them some time with their little ones on the beach. They’d picked black raspberries, which I put into a pie and served a la mode like my mom used to. We chatted about the good old days and everyone was nicely relaxed after a wonderful day. My youngest daughter suddenly pops up and comes out of the panty with a bakery box. Her two year old in tow, she said, “Mom, I almost forgot. I brought you something from your favorite bakery in Cincy … Bon Bonerie!” Assuming it was one of their incredible cream cakes, I suggested we wait until tomorrow. After all we’re eating warm black raspberry pie a la mode! Oh no, she insisted, these were just sweets they had at the end of the day. She wasn’t even sure what was in the box, but cookies. I half pay attention as I reach up into the box and pull out a cookie with a number eight on it. “Oh, too bad it’s not a number nine, because Emma is nine and could have the first one!” I said cheerily. “Well, grab out another one; you never know. It could be a nine!” Sarah sweetly encouraged. Sure enough, the next cookie was a nine, so I passed it down to Emma, sitting at the end of this table of 12 diners!

I’m still clueless, until Hannah says, “Mom…Maa-aahm!” What was I missing? Oh goodness, Sarah … are you? … is it? … do you? Are you telling me you’re giving us grandchildren numbers eight and nine?” Yes, mom! Hugs galore over this complete and total surprise! Such happy news -- on cookies, no less! I was reminded that evening of the Bible verse from Psalms 34:8 that says, “O taste and see that the Lord is good! Happy is the man who takes refuge in Him!” As we watched the sunset over Lake Michigan out the cottage windows that night, I was filled to overflowing with thankfulness to God for the sweet taste of family gathered from far places, loving one another, forgiving one another, and taking refuge in Him! What a taste of life that is! I savor even the memory of it now!

New York! New York!

2009-11-23T11:58:00.002-06:00

Now remember, all afternoon my daughter and I (and 100 others) are watching three ways to fix turkey, while experiencing the enticing aromas of pasta and sauces, all the while anticipating a snack! After about three hours, the promised snack is circulated. Not turkey, not greens with nutmeg … but individually wrapped Sarah Lee pound cake slices. Yeah. Maybe she’s Rachael’s cousin or something. So, the show wraps; we’ve had a good time. Rachel stands center aisle with her signature wave, and we head for the doors and some quality calories, please. Jennifer and I were hungry and dinner is on me. It’s said you can stand on any street corner in NYC and see a restaurant to die for, right? Now what was the name of that incredible place Miss America 1990, Debbye Turner, took me after our interview at CBS last year for Woman to Woman®? I texted her and later that night she got back to me from D.C. Too late!

With no plan, other than childcare for the evening, we head into the streets of NYC, expecting something grand. Oops! Pelting rain, umbrellas up. The temperature had dropped to 35 degrees, so the elements were taking their toll on us after the first uphill block. We passed two ordinary looking restaurants, not at all what I’d imagined. Finally, we get to the corner, with traffic honking and splashing and racing home from work. We look both ways and nothing but Internet cafes, laundromats, liquor and flower stores. Suddenly, the goal became fill the tummy and head home to a nice warm fire!

How hard can it be to get a decent meal in the last block? We head back and I hear myself saying how many times over the years, in how many cities, have I walked in and known instantly if it’s going to be good or not. Down some steps we go -- lots of steps -- into a restaurant that claims to be “Italian.” A good salad, a hot cup of tea, some nice bread, and some comfort pasta sound just fine. Upon entering the restaurant, apparently the image in my head of home and fireplace obliterated my keen sense of is this going to be good or not? I saw linens, silverware, waiters who looked like waiters, and candles on the tables. As we shivered coming in out of the cold, we noticed the sound of shrill sawing somewhere in the back. The other diners didn’t seem fazed, so we ignored it. It never did stop. A gentleman dressed in a tux was playing an upright piano as we gazed at the menu. I think it was when he played the same seven measures for the fifth time that we felt annoyed. Mid-piece, he stopped and stood up, leaned over to remove an empty three-foot tall glass vase and placed it on the floor and opened the top of the upright. He peered in, tinkered around, and seemed satisfied. Down goes the lid. Back goes the tall empty vase and the man sits down to play, looking as relieved as we felt. By this time we’d decided to order two items and see if it was going to be any better than the saw sound and the piano sound and then leave if we must.

After we ordered a salad and a starter with water and a soft drink, we relaxed and started writing down some of Rachael’s tips before we forgot them. Nothing was permitted on the laps of the audience, so no notes on the spot! I guess that left more room for her cousin’s snack. And there it was -- the same maddening seven measures on the piano, this time with a trill or two and the pianist looking around smiling as he made up a melody, or tried to. This time he kept at it for about four minutes, going nowhere with the tune. It was driving me crazy, to the point of barely being able to eat my half of the starter.

But alas, the man stops playing (what a relief!), stands up, removes the tall empty glass vase, opens the lid, tinkers with something inside, closes the lid, replaces the vase, and sits down looking quite pleased with himself. And still the same melody continues, embellished with a few variations, including wrong notes, from this pianist in his upright -- or was that up-wrong -- position? Every time he took the vase in hand I would think, Dear Sir, you are empty handed in more ways than one, puh-leeze take lessons or take up another hobby! This up and down routine was repeated two more times, with a great deal of discordant sound in between, before we could summon our check and exit.

One of the great gifts in life is to be able to laugh at oneself. And so I will every time I remember this dreadful dining opportunity with my eldest daughter. I think we’ll always laugh about it because it was so improbable, so unexpected an ending to this special day together! Some may say, “Expect nothing and everything you get is gravy!” Frankly, I would have enjoyed some good gravy that night! But instead, Jennifer and I made a memory we won’t forget, even if we want to. We also learned a lesson about lightening up in the face of seeming failure. A great TV shoot experience, followed by mundane food and music, and lousy weather, did not dampen our spirits in the long run. Colossians 3:15 says, “And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts…. And be thankful.” I’m thankful for His peace that passes understanding in every situation He allows in my life. And the next time I’m in NYC, I’ll thankfully plan ahead for a more successful finish to the day!

Me and Rachael…Kind Of!

2009-11-16T07:45:00.005-06:00

Three weeks ago, I took my NJ daughter to NYC to be part of the Rachael Ray show audience. I had V.I.P. tickets, knowing that she decides the day “of” whether or not to meet and greet. But I had a chance, however small it may have been. We had so much fun! I loved watching and listening to Rachael, a vivacious lover of food and people, inspire women to get back into the kitchen for some great 30 Minute Meals!

Earlier that week, a huge Rachael Ray devotee and new mom told me that Rachael taught her to cook. I know this woman’s mom is a good cook, so I wondered why she learned from Rachael Ray rather than at home as a girl. I found out that, after teaching all day, her mom really didn’t have the extra time and energy to teach her kids to cook and, instead, served her large family an easy meal from the crock pot. Sound familiar? I can see why Rachael is so successful in luring women back into recipes and the delights of bringing people together with good food!

“Our” Rachael Ray show will air on Black Friday, when you’ll hear financial guru Bill Rancic's tips on saving money with online holiday shopping. (Hilary Swank was the scheduled guest but had to postpone, so we learned about money matters instead.) I was as fascinated with Bill’s initial sit-down with Rachael as I was with his spending tips. A friendly, spontaneous, brilliant guy, he walked in, they greeted each other and then got right into the holiday shopping piece, cameras on! Within two minutes, someone approached Bill, who was looking crisp and spiffy in his lightly starched white shirt, and he hopped up and left the stage. Rachael indicated to us that she was as clueless as we were as to what just happened. Moments later, he came right back with a blue blazer on, sat down, and they began the interview again. It turns out that white on camera doesn’t work as well without contrast. What was funny was the size of the new, “better” jacket. I’d say the sleeves were about four inches too short, so Bill didn’t move much, being in a straight jacket! But the show must go on and he was loaded with good information. Darling guy!

Then we were treated to some incredible makeovers. A team of makeover artists had chosen three couples from applicants who wanted to look like famous couples, for example, David and Victoria Beckham. The couples were shown before their makeovers, next to pictures of the famous couples they wanted to emulate. In each case, the couple then walked on stage and we all gasped. The artists literally made the couples look like their dreams—and the team did this in only a couple of hours! Even Rachael was wide-eyed and open mouthed over this feat. What a difference cut, color and fashion can make!

The audience that day was treated to parts of several shows, showing off Rachael’s flexibility in going from paring potatoes or stirring Arborio rice with animated patter (“always throw in some freshly grated nutmeg with green veggies to enhance their flavor”) to interviewing her guests or chatting with her audience. The woman has the energy of a hummingbird! Our four hours, start to finish, included a waiting time with a good comedian between segments to keep us smiling. But it was always intense interviewing, cooking, wardrobe changing or commentary time for Rachael.

In the audience, I happened to sit next to the PR woman for Rachael’s hairdresser. She confided that Rachael had gotten her hair done prior to the morning’s taping, so it was no wonder she was having a fabulous hair day! But where does she get the energy to record an entire show in the AM and then work on stage with us watching all afternoon? If only she could bottle that like her bottled EVOO; I’d be first in line!

I knew ten minutes into the session that there would be no “meet and greet,” but it was so worth it to come close! I left with a huge appreciation for Rachael’s professionalism, her sincere interest in her guests and her passion for convincing us that cooking is a privilege -- not a big deal, but with big rewards. She had to be exhausted going through all those paces. Experiencing her in person motivated me, even though I was already a cook through and through. Now I’m inspired to enjoy the process and the outcome with a little more gusto. That energy can be applied not only to the kitchen but to working on a radio interview or a keynote, with enthusiasm and joy, even when I’m fading fast! Galatians 6:9 reminds us, “Do not grow weary in well-doing!” This holiday season I’ll have plenty of opportunity to do that…and hopefully I’ll face my audience with a smile, knowing I’m serving the Lord as well as my guests, listeners, and readers! And if you catch me fading…whip out one of those blue blazers, will ya? I know how that works, too!

By the way, after an entire afternoon of watching and sniffing the culinary delights from Rachael’s kitchen, you’ll want to know what we got to eat in the studio for our snack and where I took my daughter to eat in NYC afterwards. Remember…we were in New York City, just “us girls” with no kids – the sky was the limit, but you’ll never guess where we landed! Stay tuned…

Life Goes On…On Both Sides of the Grave!

2009-10-30T07:26:00.002-05:00

Medical errors account for over 100,000 deaths in the US each year. Those startling statistics from the Center for Safety and Clinical Excellence may inspire you to be your own health advocate. It could save your life. On Woman to Woman®, the week of September 19, we began a two part series on this topic -- not to put down the medical system, but to hear how involved you must be in monitoring your own care. How do you advocate for yourself or a loved one? What questions should you ask and of whom?

One of my guests was Bruce Meyer who lost his wife, Carol, at age 57 to cancer last year. Or was it? Bruce agreed to talk about his situation publicly for the first time, to help us learn more about advocacy and what can and does go wrong. You can listen to that interview at your leisure and share it with friends. During her treatment, which went well, Bruce and Carol trusted her doctors. They also left everything in God's hands, while trying to stay on top of available information. They faced her possible death standing on the promises of God in Christ and looked forward to eternal life.

After Carol died, Bruce honored her by designing her tombstone, pictured here with Bruce. He discovered an outlet for his grief and a way to use his artistic gifts to comfort others when they visit the cemetery. Some of the feedback on his art and its impact gets back to him, even though it is not a signed work.

Another piece of this story, not on the air, is featured in Dr. Dale Meyer's "Meyer Minute," a daily devotional available online. Dale is Bruce's brother, and the Brad mentioned is Bruce’s son. I include it here as a reminder that life does go on:

The Meyer Minute for August 21, 2009

When it comes right down to it, each of us lives life alone. Hopefully you have good support groups, family, friends, church and other groups. Still, each of us faces life in our own skin, no one else’s. What a great blessing then to know that there are people to be with us as we make our solitary way.

My nephew Brad has learned that, and in a way that makes his family burst with pride. About to enter his fifth year in pharmacy school, Brad realized a dream by riding his bicycle from St. Louis to Denver...about 900 miles…solo, all alone. “This has been a great experience,” he said. “I’ve had a lot of help from strangers along the way; people I didn’t even know. It’s really rewarding knowing that people want to and will take the time to help a stranger. For example, people I don’t even know have fed me dinner. I’ve sat at the table with people I didn’t even know…and that’s cool.” (Press release, St. Louis College of Pharmacy)

I have a mental picture of Jesus’ parable of the Good Samaritan but in my mind the traveler is on a bike. There are Good Samaritans that help all of us in our pilgrimage to the city more than a mile high. And, Happy Birthday, Brad!

To subscribe send any email to daleameyer@aol.com.

Gravity Hill

2009-10-27T08:06:00.001-05:00

"Gravity Hill" is a secret whispered, discovered and proven for generations. The mystery is never fully explained, only experienced. Park your car in neutral on Putney Road right outside of Arcadia, MI, facing frontwards or backwards -- doesn’t matter -- then gravity pulls you uphill. Really. It’s the Putney Road Phenomenon. Four generations of our family have been awed by this tried and true transport. You just go to the bottom of the hill, put your car in park and while you sit there watching the road incline upwards, your car is pulled up in neutral.

I know -- it’s weird and thrilling, fun for everybody who visits, to witness and write home about. People leave shaking their heads. It’s tough to explain, except for my dad, a civil engineer, who would quietly explain after people had fun with it that it’s just an optical illusion. He knew people wouldn’t believe him. The car was pulled uphill, after all! He seldom mentioned that his level proved his point. He was content to know the truth and let people have fun with the fiction. As the saying goes, he knew “which hill to die on!”

Off Putney Road, I can have fun with fiction and ignore the truth about the stacks of stuff overtaking my area of the basement or the porky pounds accumulating to help me bulk up for winter. I can fool myself with mirrors that start at the neck and by avoiding the basement. But at some point I have to face it, or face the consequences. Even my access to some of the best minds and guests on the globe through the Woman to Woman® show doesn’t put me on auto-pilot for good habits.

Occasionally there is sweet victory. I change best when I level with myself and take inventory of where I’m living an illusion compared to the truth of God’s Word, which is like the level my dad put on Putney Road. When life’s journey gets bumpy and feels like an uphill climb, you might ask God to put down His level to show you the Truth so you can find the Way. Jesus said, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." (John 14:6) Great place to start, whether it’s uphill or not!

Lighten Up!

2009-09-29T07:14:00.000-05:00

Lightening makes people do strange things. It helped Thomas Edison discover electricity, and it made a priest out of Martin Luther. It can split huge trees, dance on water and strike your car without hurting you. It can also scare you out of your wits when you’re little, at least it did that years ago to our Brooks who was fearless in the face of just about everything else at age five. Now we have James, also 5, in the family and he’s Brooks all over again. One bolt and he’s down the hall diving between his parents in bed.

This summer, we went with James’ family to Grant’s Farm, a wildlife preserve on the land once owned by Ulysses S. Grant. While I noticed the ominous storm clouds moving in, James was too busy feeding the goats and delighting in the Galapagos turtles to notice them. Nothing was said until the obvious happened -- the gates of heaven opened and poured out 3 inches of water in 30 minutes. We were annoyed that our umbrellas were in the car, but then again, the water wasn’t the real concern; it was the lightening that stopped us in our tracks. Our only options were to stand under trees or beneath a metal roof over an animal staging area. Let’s see, metal roof or trees. We opted for the sturdier, albeit metallic, overhang. Every four minutes, an automated announcement would calmly apologize, “The bird show has been cancelled due to inclement weather, until further notice.” The adults faked bravery for the kids’ sake, but we were all shaking as the lightening struck around us -- but not on us and not on our shelter, thank the Lord. Six of us, two being 5- and 3-years-old, stood wide-eyed hoping to avoid the eye of the storm, which had to be out there somewhere. After about ten minutes, James piped up with great bravado, “I can’t believe it!” Believe what, James? “I just learned I can stand right in the rain with the lightening and not be afraid. It’s amazing!”

It is amazing! On this day for James, being surrounded by loving adults who were not bothered by bolts and sounds, who chattered and laughed just like normal right through it, calmed his fears. It's one more way God’s love works, eh?

I heard a radio announcer the other day say that he’s still scared of the dark and just as afraid to admit it to other people. Fear can be fierce and tenacious; just try to convince the person -- little or big -- that thunder and lightening are just God moving the furniture or that they won’t be scared forever. When you’re afraid, conquering that fear seems a formidable challenge, but His love allows us to remove that fear. As 1 John 4:18 reminds us, “There is no fear in love. Perfect loves drives out fear.” The next time you shiver in your shoes in the lightening or face whatever strikes fear into your heart, ask God for His perfect love to drive out that fear. It will put a fresh face on the expression “lighten up!”

Really? Who knew?

2009-09-21T07:13:00.000-05:00

My friend wasn’t home when I called, so I left a message on her voice mail last week. I have no idea what I said, but the next day I loved her response: “Your voicemail yesterday was so bright and cheerful it made me think, ‘I can take on this day, it’s going to be OK!’ Just hearing your voice energized me. Thank you!”

It energized me when she said that. It sure wasn’t my energy that day. Seriously, I wasn’t having that great of a day myself; it wasn’t a bad day, just an ordinary, lots to do, lots of interruptions day. But hearing how my message affected her, I wanted to do that again for someone. How easy is it, to be upbeat and cheerful -- not silly over-the-top inappropriately slam-dunk vociferous, but pleasant and uplifting and assuring. I’d like to be that kind of woman, and apparently I was... without knowing it. How does that happen? And how can I be that woman more consistently and more purposefully?

I found a clue in the Bible. It turns out that God put us in relationships with each other, even strangers we meet in passing, for all kinds of reasons. We don’t have to know what’s going on in someone’s life. In fact, we can’t always and shouldn’t always know, because it would be too heavy to carry all of that weight around. But what we can do is help others lighten their loads. Proverbs 12:25 tells us: “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.”

There we have it. Have a kind word for everyone, yeah even that one woman who drives you nuts! How hard can it be, and how much it could cheer the person up! It happened for me when I left a voicemail. Good grief, I bet it could happen “in person” as well! Let’s try it and see. In either case…voice mail or “in person,” they’ll get the message! So now I know how it happened that day when I called my friend and left words that energized and cheered her up. It wasn’t my energy; it was His! I love when that happens. So does He!

Older But Wiser

2009-09-15T07:12:00.001-05:00

The recent “Older But Wiser” Woman to Woman® show reminded me how aging smooths out when we stay connected through relationships and activity. We may not be quite “older but wiser” yet, but we know women who are. How can we respond to, include and affirm them? I find my older friends hesitant to articulate their needs, especially in lonely moments, so it can be difficult to know when they need me.

I grew up in a family where age was respected. We honored our elders with visits and letters and interactions, so it was natural for me to fall in step when I married into the “older but wiser” family of my husband. His parents were older than mine; his mom was already 65, a big difference when mine was 50. When I moved to my husband’s hometown, I was surrounded by smart, older women, including three of my mother-in-law’s sisters in town and two who visited frequently from out of town. They were lively, talented and interesting women who reminisced about the early 1900’s like it was yesterday. They grew up quilting and sewing, a bonus for me because “Spooky,” my mother-in-law, welcomed our mending in her sewing basket. Eventually with four kids, I had plenty of holes to patch and pants to hem, and she rejoiced in helping us with those projects. That shed a whole new light for me on helpfulness with a “servant’s spirit!”

Holidays and birthday parties were at our house and the older but wiser crowd came. My kids entertained them with their instruments and antics, but really they were just fine entertaining themselves with stories about the good old days. They were good storytellers, and we learned a lot, never knowing how much was true and how much was embellished. Everybody went home with enough favorite food to last for days, including my curried zucchini soup, which Nannie loved.

Twenty years later when the kids had all left home, I realized our social lives had pretty much revolved around the older but wiser women and two husbands who couldn’t hang on quite as long as their wives had. It was around that time at Christmas when Nannie, 94, said that she and Pickie, her 92-year-old sister, couldn’t handle the trips to our house any more. We were stunned. We thought it would never end. It didn’t bother us when Nannie’s vision faded so much that she’d try to eat the pattern off her plate. It was fine when Aunt Ada brought a “dish” of about 16 string beans because she thought they couldn’t afford any more, and we didn’t bat an eye when Spooky added grapes to her formerly fabulous potato salad. We had no problem picking them up and driving them home. But it was too much for them.

When the family gatherings stopped, I co-dependently tried to do “parties to go,” to jolly ‘em up with my meals on wheels, with my college kids thrown in for good measure when they were home from school. “No thank you,” the aunts said. When it was over, it was over.

I think it was a lot harder on me than anyone, and they weren’t even my aunts. I thought for a long time that since I was the most shaken, no one else got as much as I did out of these visits. But I see now that, as a result of those times with the sisters, our grown children genuinely enjoy spending time with their own “older but wiser” people. They all live out of town now, but I notice how they find the elderly in their neighborhoods and churches and take their kids to visit them, even though they’re not family. They’ve even invited them to family birthdays and holidays.

I’m guessing that some day -- not too long from now -- when I am the “older but wiser” one, I may be blessed to reap what I have sown in my own; it’s part of what makes me look forward to growing old. And, oh the stories I will tell at their tables! Did I really meet Art Linkletter and Miss Americas and host a radio show and make my own jams and cook from scratch and live along Lake Michigan? The younger ones will have to guess which stories are true and which have been embellished!

When we live life with honor and respect for those ahead of us on the journey, it sets a good example and it brings deep satisfaction to us and to those we honor. It pleases the Lord enough to bring it around when it’s our turn! As Lev 19:32 says, “Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the LORD!” Find the older but wiser woman in your life; it just might be the time to pick up the phone or go next door and learn what she has to teach you!

Everybody Knows That, Phyllis!

2009-09-07T12:22:00.000-05:00

“Everybody knows That, Phyllis!” Well actually “everybody” doesn’t, but somebody does and that’s what I needed. It was a genius plan at 5 a.m. that rainy morning when I drove through a record setting downpour to the airport: the evening before I’d biked over to a friend’s with my extra key so she could pick up my car and drive it back home. My flight over Lake Michigan was delayed by a lightning storm and then we were off. Little did I know until later how “off” my perfect plan was!

It turns out you can’t lock your car with your remote key and expect the extra key to open it. I didn’t know that, obviously; did you? The person I was with at lunch when I got the call looked at me in shock. “Everybody knows that, Phyllis!” he volunteered. In fact, I learned that not only does the extra key not work, but it sets off the alarm, which then has to wear down, at which point the extra key still won’t work because the car’s in theft mode. Six hundred miles away on a Saturday, I was up a creek! Finally on Monday I learned from the car dealer that I’d have to mail the key… yada yada yada.

From my August e-newsletter “Little Think,” you may know I’m a firstborn with a component part to prove I’m right. It’s annoying and I fight it, but in this case I did ask my engineer and my senior producer at the studio if they knew about the key deal… and they didn’t! Neither did six others I asked. I won’t tell the person who doubled my guilt about this -- I’m not that much of a firstborn -- but it did ease my angst a bit!

Now this story could go on. I hope it doesn’t, but the thing is that the key should have arrived at another friend’s office in the little coastal town where the airport is located, and I have not heard from her yet. Did the key make it to her? I can only imagine the car being towed, or the battery being dead after warning of theft until the alarm wore down. I already owe the first friend who drove with her kids 30 minutes each way to the airport to come up with no car to drive back. Now I’ll owe another friend for receiving the key in an envelope. My lunch advisor would be saying right now, “Everybody knows that, Phyllis!” and he’d be right!

I’m just hoping and praying the key isn’t lost in the mail because it’s the only one of its kind. This car is 13-years-old with 94,000 miles on it, and it works great as my summer metal Clydesdale. But without the master key, that thing will become a monument right in front of the Greater Blacker Manistee Airport forever. Then I’d owe two friends, their husbands and their kids who came along to drive the other car back, plus the airport folks who have to stare at the car stuck outside their workplace. I’m thinking either homemade hot fudge sauce or black raspberry jelly. What would you do?

Stay tuned for the rest of the story, and please be forgiving of people who insist that “everybody knows that!” God knows I hardly know anything. He’s the only one who really knows everything, including where that key is and how this will turn out. The Bible tells me there’s nowhere I can go to hide from God, not to the depths of the sea or the ends of the earth. Unfortunately, it doesn’t say much about misplaced keys. But then it is the key to receiving His plans for me for good and not for evil. So however this story ends, it’ll all work out. I can count on Him for that. That’s what I need. And when nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen…I know where to go! How nice it would be if everybody knew that!

“AHgain!”

2009-08-31T12:16:00.000-05:00

When my Jennifer was 18-months-old, she would say AHgain! when she liked a story or when we’d roll out cookie shapes or sing at the piano. So of course we’d do it “AHgain” and “AHgain!” My enthusiasm varied for the repeats, but even when my attention span waned, I’d at least fake enthusiasm and commitment to helping my child scale the learning curve. I learned, too -- things like how praise brings a more desired result than criticism. I learned quickly how these “AHgain” moments bonded me with my daughter from toddler-hood on. They paid off big time during her adolescence and to this day hold us close in terms of heart distance. She’s very grown up, with two children of her own with whom she joyfully and patiently experiences “AHgain” times “AHgain” and “AHgain!” If she’s ever bored, no one can tell. In fact, it seems like she rather looks forward to watching their development.

This reminds me of how God isn’t bored by sameness. He seems to revel in repetition. I’m on vacation this week, on Lake Michigan in a cottage built four generations ago. Three of my daughter's children were hiking a nature trail this morning with their mom and came across another longtime cottager who asked, “Are you Phyllis’ daughters?” She recognized a sameness there in God’s handiwork! God didn’t get bored with features He repeated through generations. Her children play on the beach with the same sand toys I used and read from some of the same cottage books on which I grew up -- same-o same-o! Repetition like this through the ages can be strengthening to families, to cultures, to organizations, even to the Church.

Are you hesitant to approach God with a dilemma, either temporal or eternal? Afraid He’ll be bored because you've been to Him before? He’s opened the buds on millions of rose bushes, created new life for every person ever conceived, healed the skinned knees of how many children and mended broken hearts since the beginning of the time. How could your problems be any less interesting to Him?

Waves lapping softly on the sandy shore produce the same calm in us that they have for generations here. The spectacular sunsets never bore me, nor the fall colors, the winter icebergs, the spring trillium and cherry blossoms. Even more importantly, God, my Creator, never gets bored with me, even when I get bored with myself. His mercies endure forever, and He says He is with me always. He forgives every sin, every offense, except the unforgivable sin of rejection of His Son as the Christ, our Savior from sin. He doesn’t tire of protecting me, revealing His plans for and to me. God doesn’t fake enthusiasm or commitment; He proves it in His Son who died on the cross and rose again. He doesn’t tire of you reading the Bible, the same Book generations before you have known to be The Truth. Just as Jennifer and I bonded through “AHgain” moments, so God bonds with us “AHgain” and “AHgain.” He is the ultimate AHgain from beginning to end. Ask Him, “AHgain!” He’s hoping you will!

Drop Everything

2009-08-25T07:48:00.000-05:00

Tiny two-year-old Hazel reached up and touched a hot griddle on the stove. With five adults and five little ones in the kitchen, you’d think it could have been avoided. But she watched her cousins -- ages three, five, six, and nine -- make crepes on the griddle with one of the adults, and when that adult looked away for a second, Hazel reached up, curious about how that worked up there. Ouch! We put her little hand in ice water and applied a burn ointment as we called a pediatrician friend on what to watch for. The blisters on the heel part of the thumb measured about 1.5 inches. Don’t worry -- she’ll be fine, and her tiny hand already looks better.

A major lesson here: never take your eyes off a child in the kitchen; we thought we had that one down pat. But it was another lesson that brought tears to our eyes. The instant this happened, all the children scattered as if on cue. Lewie, three, ran off for her night-night bear; James for his blue bunny, Lillian her Minnie Mouse and Emma, a dancing and singing frog! They were back in a flash, laying each treasure at Hazel’s feet while she sat on her mommy’s lap on the kitchen floor. As the picture shows, it was more than a gesture; it was a shrine and Hazel was beautifully distracted and comforted by her cousins’ outpouring of love. Eventually the entourage accompanied her mommy carrying her upstairs for naptime. All of the offerings, seldom if ever parted with, much less given away, were held up to the crib just in case they were needed.

How often do I drop everything and give attention to the most important matter of the moment? How much more often do I overlook something because I’m self-absorbed or on a roll with an idea or trying to meet a deadline? This picture of typically and naturally self-absorbed children dropping everything to focus on someone else’s needs will inspire me for a long time! It’s the picture of God dropping everything, in a sense, to hear and answer my prayers, to heal my cut finger, feed my anguished soul. Of course, being omnipotent, He can do everything at once. But since I can’t, I need to remember to put something down to tend to something else more important. To know when to do that, I personally have to read a bit of the Bible daily. It tenderizes my heart to watch for the moment to drop everything and go where He might need me to be, as the children did that day.

It may not be as obvious as the physician on the airplane who jumps forward from his seat when the flight attendant requests a medical person or an off-duty police officer chasing down a suspect. But all around us are people needing something we can offer. Hazel didn’t ask for anything, but her cousins knew without a word that she needed comfort, and they delivered! Ask God to nudge you when the time is right to give of what you have. And if, by any chance, it’s your beloved night night bear, may He help you loosen your grip. When we do it for Him, it’s with no strings attached! Ecclesiastes 11:1 says to “Cast your bread upon the waters: for you will find it after many days.” God takes care of you. Now go do it for someone else!