Home Again After Deployment

Not a day goes by without word in the news about our military forces and their efforts to defend human rights and freedom around the world. The debate continues about how many will serve where and when. Thousands of military personnel will be coming home, with many more in the months ahead. In next week’s show we talk about the tough transition these families face when they’re between serving our country and returning home to family routines. Jeanneane Musegades survived her husband’s seven deployments in ten years during his twenty-four years of service. Elaine Dumler wrote the playbook The Road Home to help service members -- both men and women -- who come back home, regain the joy and commitment they shared before their separation from their families. Both women share what works to stay connected during deployment and afterwards. I hope this Woman to Woman® show inspires you -- as it does me -- to take to heart the tremendous sacrifice military families make for our sake and to pray for them every single day!

She's Somebody's Daughter

Of all the topics that break my heart, the one coming up next week is in the top three. It’s about recovery from the horrific crime of child sexual abuse. You wish you didn’t have to even consider such things. But to ignore them is to neglect the secret pain that threatens the body, mind, and soul of its victim long after the crime. You’ll hear, with our first guest, how porn was the driving force behind the abuse of her granddaughters. Then, author Nancy Flowers tells how she survived and overcame her childhood abuse. Nancy now helps others stand up to this “silent epidemic,” as it’s called. In my work as a family counselor, years ago, and now with women wherever I speak, I identify with their anguish and rejoice in their victory. “She’s Somebody’s Daughter” brings us hope for children victimized by sexual abuse and for adults who did not deal with their own abuse in the past. There’s good news, however. Recovery is possible by taking the ugliness and the shame and bewilderment to Jesus Christ. He lovingly leads us to healing and wholeness, as only He can! Find out more, and tell your friends. This is a huge dilemma for women, and we must help each other through to the other side of sexual abuse. While it is an abhorrent subject, if we don’t band together on this one, who will stand up for the children? In the Old Testament of the Bible we read in Ps 94:16: “Who will rise up for me against the wicked? Who will take a stand for me against evildoers?” That’s a call to us! Get started answering that call this week on Woman to Woman®!

Hooking Up Hazards

My parents and little sister dropped me off at the university, helped clean up my side of the dorm room, took me out to lunch, and then drove off after a few words of wisdom and lots of hugs. I was excited to take on this challenge, thrilled that high school was behind me, and scared to death -- all at the same time! Looking back, I wonder how my parents felt. I know my sister was hit by the emptying nest, for sure. I was volunteering to learn about risk and standing firm on what I knew to be right, yet open to new ideas and behaviors. They came too, sometimes faster than I could handle them. Remember those years in your life? Some of the pressures made us cave and compromise who we were. But we learned from weakness where the real muscle was and used it to recover -- or not. In the end, I emerged stronger, wiser, more educated, and grateful my folks lived three hours away.

Flash forward a generation. When we send our kids off to college these days, it’s still with pride, hope, and a depleted bank account! We worry about their roommates, their studies, their friends, and their career choices. But former campus psychiatrist Dr. Miriam Grossman says we better also worry about them being “unprotected,” and how that is influenced by the campus “political correctness” that endangers every student with its attitude toward “hooking up.” Dr. Grossman is a board certified child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist, and is concerned about the effect of political correctness in the lives of our youth. She was first a guest on Woman to Woman® for her book, You're Teaching My Child What? Check out my interview with her on the May 15th program. Her latest book is Unprotected: A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals How Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student. She is joined by Dr. Meg Meeker, a pediatrician and adolescent specialist, who has authored Boys Should Be Boys -- a previous Woman to Woman show. Let their counsel protect your child against the "Hooking Up Hazards" on next week’s show. As always, program schedules and a host of other useful materials can be found on our Web site.

A Daughter's Journey Home

My oldest daughter finished college and lived with us the next two years during graduate school. By then, her younger brother was in college and her sisters were in their freshman and sophomore years of high school. Talk about a whole new hormonal chapter in our lives! We quickly noticed the need for additional mother-daughter relationship skills.

One of the memories I cherish about Jennifer’s grad school days is that, even though she was in school and working, she’d walk with me around town several evenings a week. It kept me in shape and gave us time to connect. I have to admit, it was great to run ideas past her and grab a little counsel from her wisdom!

Now all three of my daughters are moms and the rough edges we experienced are pretty much smoothed out. It was so worth the struggle and work and prayer. We are bonded now, and while there are always bumps whenever people love one another, our mother-daughter relationships are fiercely loyal and nurture all of us in unique ways.

I know not everyone has experienced this kind of healthy give and take in their mother-daughter relationships. Some of you were treated poorly, or even terribly. Dr. Linda Mintle, a licensed clinical therapist who is a mom and has a mom, knows that, too. It’s why she wrote the book, A Daughter's Journey Home. This week on Woman to Woman®, Dr. Mintle will share insights to help us love, honor, and improve our mother-daughter connections. She’ll even help us realize it’s normal and okay to feel like saying, “I love my mom, but sometimes she drives me crazy!”

It's About the Music!

"Music is what life sounds like," according to Eric Olson. Can you choose a tune to change what your life sounds like? One melody depresses, while another uplifts. Bach does it for me -- instant peace, and I mellow out. Whether you’re tapping your foot, dancing to the beat, or just whistling a happy tune, Eric Olson is onto something. Music accompanies us nearly everywhere we go -- sometimes by choice, sometimes not. It’s in the car, in the store, in the car rocking next to us, via iPhone, iPod, tweet, and Twitter. Since we pretty much live with surround sound, ask yourself how music plays out in your life.

Maybe you never really thought about it, but our next Woman to Woman® show entertains the idea that humming a tune with negative content in the words, can expose you to some subtle -- and some not so subtle -- spiritual dangers in music. We can get into the habit of listening to the wrong stuff and that can bring us down or misdirect our thinking. Check out the song in your heart when you listen to “It's All About the Music!” You’ll meet St. Louis radio personality Kelly Corday of Y98 /AC, who plays adult contemporary music, and theologian Paul Hemenway, who lived and breathed music through his alternative rock band Black Happy that toured with groups like Everclear and 311, and who once opened for Green Day. Now, as a theologian, music is still a driving force in his life and his work. Recording this show reminded me of what the great reformer, Martin Luther, once said: “Next to the Word of God, the noble art of music is the greatest treasure in the world.”

Men

I’m from a family of women, plus my dad. He was outnumbered and did a great job of fathering girls! I learned a lot from him about a nurturing father and had a faithful friend to the end of his life. But that information didn’t always translate out into my relationships with other males. There’s something special about a dad and a daughter that leaves some wiggle room for idiosyncrasies and allows easy forgiveness. The next serious male study happened with my husband… and I’m still working on that one! In addition to my three daughters, God only trusted me with one son and I must say, I began to understand men a lot better through Brooks. I work with a predominantly male organization, sit on boards with more men than women and am open to improving my perceptions and reactions to men.

So how’s it going with the men in your life, on the job, on the committee, in the family? I assure you it will go even better -- oh so much better -- once you’ve heard this week’s Woman to Woman® show with Shaunti Feldhahn, who keeps hitting one home run after another with her books, several of which have been featured on the show in the past.

This time, we talk about the principles from her book The Male Factor. It could be required reading for all women everywhere on the planet as soon as they can spell M-A-L-E! It turns out we women have a lot to learn about how guys think and react to situations, to challenges, to us. And the great thing is, once we put a few concepts into practice, it makes it better for everyone involved.

Like Shaunti says, “We can be skilled, highly trained, networked and throw it all away by undermining ourselves in interactions with male colleagues.” She helps us crack the code. The goal is to get on the inside track with the men on the same team with us. Tune in for the unwritten rules, and learn how we can unknowingly sabotage ourselves on the job, until we know the natural laws of the work world.

This will begin to give you the information you need to make informed decisions and compete on a more level playing field. I believe you will be less dismayed and perplexed when you understand how God empowers you to be “salt and light” in using your gifts effectively in the workplace. The Bible verse that applies here is Col 3:23: “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” To my way of thinking, this is equivalent to a raise!

Losing

Even if you’re not thinking about abs and arms and thighs that become more apparent in spring and summer, you’ll enjoy meeting this week’s Woman to Woman® guest, as well as hearing her topic. Millions of people watch The Biggest Loser each week to see their favorite contestants meet seemingly impossible weight loss goals. Julie Hadden beat out 250,000 hopefuls to lose 44.5% of her body weight and come in as runner-up in the show’s 4th season. She traded her weight for self worth and swapped the food addiction, self loathing and pain for a life full of energy and potential. Her story applies to anything we find overtaking us -- addictions or habits, or just plan ruts in which we find ourselves struggling.

Julie had always battled, or not, her weight and when she was a 37-year-old typical mom, her “skinniest” friend called her and said The Biggest Loser auditions were coming to Jacksonville, Florida, and Julie should try out. Julie, for some reason, tied her hair into a ponytail, auditioned and made the cuts. She almost was cut by coach Jillian Michaels once selected, because Jillian thought she simply didn’t have the wherewithal to compete. You’ll hear how Julie proved her wrong, why it mattered so much and how her life has changed as a result. What Julie learned about overcoming and conquering doubt and fear could be just the ammunition you need to take down your current life challenge!

In Romans 12:2 we’re told, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good and pleasing and perfect will.” Tune in to share Julie’s personal experience of mind transformation through her faith in Christ, who came to her in her darkest moments of wanting to give up and gave her the daily enabling to know and trust His good and pleasing, perfect will to accomplish her task.

That was back in 2006. He’s still with her and she’s still trusting, as she works to remain at her goal weight. What’s your goal? Are you trusting God to work through you to achieve it? He did it for Julie; He’ll do it for you!