After a master’s degree, a Ph.D. seemed a logical next step in my goal to encourage others. But instead, my husband went to law school, and I went to work to earn what was termed the “PHT” degree. “Putting Hubby Through!” My choice at the time was either to help Rich or pursue my degree and eat cereal three meals a day. I knew when my mom skipped college, she ended up feeling inferior to my dad who was a university professor. Even with just two of my eventual four children in tow, I felt a nagging inside to go back to school. I finally put the matter to rest by throwing myself into mothering and homemaking and letting the chips fall where they may. Gradually, the joy of that job won out over the frustrations of not going to school. I did what mattered most to me, tending to the mundane, unpaid, and endless duties of being a wife and mom. Now and then I imagined what doors would have opened to me as a Ph.D. Some days I thought about resigning.
Looking back, what mattered most to me paid off. My kids didn’t cost me half as much as they taught me! I ended up encouraging others through a radio show, writing, and speaking, rather than as a family therapist. Interestingly enough, my mom’s grandchildren, my children, were the ones who affirmed her because they mattered most to her. They didn’t see her academically. They saw and responded to her love for them.
Whatever your strivings this New Year, it’s important to avoid putting off your good intentions to write, call, or visit someone. Begin to mend fences; right wrongs, even take a risk you otherwise wouldn’t. Say “no,” if necessary, so you can say, “yes” to something else, consider the greater good over and against having it your way. A change in plans may be a detour, but it doesn’t mean you won’t reach your best destination, which is the place God has in mind for your talents!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Part Two
My daughter fully intended to stay with me until I went into surgery, but hospital delays forced her exit to go pick up her preschooler. It was kind of weird when each person from intake to pre-op to recovery asked, “Who is with you today?” My husband was tending to another situation. I considered saying, “Just God and me. That makes four of us!” But they may have put me in a different ward! To tell you the truth, it was just God and me, and I was so aware of that. If I hadn’t been, I think I would have freaked out. I mean, they do use heavy instruments and brute force to take your knee out and put a titanium one in. Recovery is said to be more demanding than hip replacement. I could have thought of all that stuff. But instead I was thanking God for a great surgeon and the ability to complete this procedure and, hopefully, regain the normal use of my new knee soon.
I prayed for an elderly woman in the curtained off area next to me who was totally alone, hoping she was okay. I was awed by the precision and efficiency of this huge teaching hospital staff. They would come and go, politely and caringly asking patients how they were doing and answering questions they might have had. I prayed for everything to go well that day for all of them and their patients. And with complete calm, I went under with a spinal. When I came to, it was over.
Now, I can’t lie and say it was/is all a piece of cake. There were unpleasant and painful moments. Six weeks later, discomfort continues to varying degrees. My range of motion excites the physical therapists. I overdo it because I think I can and then pay for it with exhaustion! But the take-away value of this experience, in addition to securing a new knee that will enhance my quality of life whether I can rush the net again or not, is that I walked into the surgery solo. That is remarkable to me. I’m mentioning it, not because it’s newsworthy or a huge story, but because I know somebody reading this could be facing something huge or scary all alone.
If that’s you, I want you to know we’re not ever alone, ever. I know this, believe it with my whole heart, and assure people of it in view of a diagnosis, relationship crash, or job loss. But when push comes to shove and I stand before my firing squad, as it were, by myself, what comfort and blessed assurance it is to know for sure that God is with me. It’s just one more way He proves Himself powerful on our behalf, showing up like that, being with us always to the end of the world, just as He promises. Whatever comes your way this next year, whether you stand up to it alone or with the support of others, you will make it. God is with you, looking out for your best interest, guiding you with His loving provision -- seen or unseen. We sang “O Come O Come Immanuel” at Christmas. Immanuel means “God with us!” How sweet the sound! How sure the promise! Happy New Year!
I prayed for an elderly woman in the curtained off area next to me who was totally alone, hoping she was okay. I was awed by the precision and efficiency of this huge teaching hospital staff. They would come and go, politely and caringly asking patients how they were doing and answering questions they might have had. I prayed for everything to go well that day for all of them and their patients. And with complete calm, I went under with a spinal. When I came to, it was over.
Now, I can’t lie and say it was/is all a piece of cake. There were unpleasant and painful moments. Six weeks later, discomfort continues to varying degrees. My range of motion excites the physical therapists. I overdo it because I think I can and then pay for it with exhaustion! But the take-away value of this experience, in addition to securing a new knee that will enhance my quality of life whether I can rush the net again or not, is that I walked into the surgery solo. That is remarkable to me. I’m mentioning it, not because it’s newsworthy or a huge story, but because I know somebody reading this could be facing something huge or scary all alone.
If that’s you, I want you to know we’re not ever alone, ever. I know this, believe it with my whole heart, and assure people of it in view of a diagnosis, relationship crash, or job loss. But when push comes to shove and I stand before my firing squad, as it were, by myself, what comfort and blessed assurance it is to know for sure that God is with me. It’s just one more way He proves Himself powerful on our behalf, showing up like that, being with us always to the end of the world, just as He promises. Whatever comes your way this next year, whether you stand up to it alone or with the support of others, you will make it. God is with you, looking out for your best interest, guiding you with His loving provision -- seen or unseen. We sang “O Come O Come Immanuel” at Christmas. Immanuel means “God with us!” How sweet the sound! How sure the promise! Happy New Year!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Replacement
If you’d told me I would go solo into total knee replacement from waiting room to pre-op to surgery itself, I would have shuddered at the thought. In fact, before my only other major surgery years ago, I begged God to spare me the knife. I was terrified. When it was required to save my life, I submitted and learned a huge lesson in facing my fears in total weakness, relying on the Lord’s strength to carry me through. The Bible verse I clung to at that time was, “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Tim 1:7).
But this time something had changed in my fear ratio, without my knowing it. Physically, too much tennis and other factors over the years tore my ACL and meniscus. I ignored it, used non-invasive techniques to soothe it for a while, and then hit the wall. The toughest part for me was admitting this was it. What limp? So the pain keeps me up at night! I had to part with my knee. Not sure what happened. Both parents had good knees. My dad was beating me at singles when he was 75! But my cartilage was pretty much gone, and I had no choice.
I prayed about it, of course, always open to a miracle. I mainly asked for things to fall into place and they did. Friends referred me to an outstanding orthopedic physician/surgeon who actually designs knee replacements. The timing was perfect. My producer, Christy, is expecting her third child in January, so we doubled up on radio show production to be able to both take time off.
That rigorous routine probably offset some surgery angst. I also sought out people who'd had total knee replacements, observing that those with the best results were tall skinny men! Our kids and their families came home for a great Thanksgiving weekend, including a 74-degree day at the St. Louis Zoo! In church on Sunday I felt peace about the surgery. The kids all left. I washed and ironed and put beds and tablecloths back in place. I worked on Monday, stayed at my daughter’s house and had her drop me off at the hospital the next morning.
We interrupt this program for a quick commercial break! The first Woman to Woman® show this month was my chat with Ruth Koch about adjusting to change in our lives. Pick up her keen insights to send you into the New Year with your eyes wide open! Come back later for the rest of this surgery story.
But this time something had changed in my fear ratio, without my knowing it. Physically, too much tennis and other factors over the years tore my ACL and meniscus. I ignored it, used non-invasive techniques to soothe it for a while, and then hit the wall. The toughest part for me was admitting this was it. What limp? So the pain keeps me up at night! I had to part with my knee. Not sure what happened. Both parents had good knees. My dad was beating me at singles when he was 75! But my cartilage was pretty much gone, and I had no choice.
I prayed about it, of course, always open to a miracle. I mainly asked for things to fall into place and they did. Friends referred me to an outstanding orthopedic physician/surgeon who actually designs knee replacements. The timing was perfect. My producer, Christy, is expecting her third child in January, so we doubled up on radio show production to be able to both take time off.
That rigorous routine probably offset some surgery angst. I also sought out people who'd had total knee replacements, observing that those with the best results were tall skinny men! Our kids and their families came home for a great Thanksgiving weekend, including a 74-degree day at the St. Louis Zoo! In church on Sunday I felt peace about the surgery. The kids all left. I washed and ironed and put beds and tablecloths back in place. I worked on Monday, stayed at my daughter’s house and had her drop me off at the hospital the next morning.
We interrupt this program for a quick commercial break! The first Woman to Woman® show this month was my chat with Ruth Koch about adjusting to change in our lives. Pick up her keen insights to send you into the New Year with your eyes wide open! Come back later for the rest of this surgery story.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Meet Dr. Kevin Leman
Psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman has been bringing his relationship expertise and unique way of lightening up any situation with humor to listeners of Woman to Woman® for years! So last November, when I was speaking in Tucson, his hometown, I stopped by an event he was keynoting just to say, “hi.” I was struck by his persona in the large auditorium where about 100 women gathered to hang on every word, get his autograph, and buy his books. What really impressed me, beyond his personal attention to their questions, was the fact that this man speaks to 15,000 women in some settings, is a New York Times bestselling author who’s written 35 books about relationships, and he’s spending an entire day with 100 women. That’s the kind of guy he is, real and unimpressed with himself. He sees a need and tries to meet it. And every single time he brings us just the information we need to energize us with genuinely useful answers to our dilemmas. Thanks, Dr. Leman, for the great example of servant leadership! Enjoy our visit together at the Woman to Woman mic as Dr. Leman helps us simplify what we consider impossible about our men.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Eyes On Me
Three-year-old Hannah marched past her brother and sister as I helped with homework. Reaching around her two-year-old sister sitting on my lap, she placed her little hands on my cheeks, turning my face into hers. She meant business. “Mommy, put your eyes on me, just me!” This was an order I couldn't refuse. It reminds me of an offer I can't refuse this time of year.
Children place Christmas orders and wait to see what turns up. What about us? What will we do with the offer of a lifetime, lying in a manger? Was He on your list? He wasn't on mine, until God sent Himself in the flesh 2,000 years ago. Up to that point, the list was kind of up for grabs. People put in their orders for centuries, waiting to see what turned up. Many supposed answers arrived. False prophets claimed to be the gift. Some were fooled and followed false prophets, whose leading was ludicrous, and whose answers didn’t satisfy. People continued to cry out to God, as Hannah begged me, “Put your eyes on me, just me.”
At the appointed time, He did, in the person of the Christ child. At first, the babe of Bethlehem wasn't whom they expected. He seemed so ordinary, from His birth until about 30 years of age, except for that incident in the temple at 12. His mother, Mary, knew from the moment of the angel’s announcement, the child she would bear would be the Son of God. She must have been anxious for that gift to be unwrapped, revealed. It was following her insistence that Jesus showed her His stuff, remember, when He performed His first miracle -- turning water into wine.
How many more of His gifts would come in the days ahead? With each and every one, what was revealed but the power of our Almighty God. So when people cried out, “God, look at me, just at me!” He proved Himself by healing the sick, giving the blind sight, casting out demons, even raising the dead. Now, talk about gifts.
The heavenly gift that delivers stands in stark contrast to the other gifts we’ll throw away or outgrow from Christmas. This one is imperishable, good for a lifetime. How will you and I celebrate this gift from God? Let’s keep it, treasure it, and tell about it. After all, His eyes are on you. He chose you to be His for a Merry Christmas and a blessed hereafter!
Children place Christmas orders and wait to see what turns up. What about us? What will we do with the offer of a lifetime, lying in a manger? Was He on your list? He wasn't on mine, until God sent Himself in the flesh 2,000 years ago. Up to that point, the list was kind of up for grabs. People put in their orders for centuries, waiting to see what turned up. Many supposed answers arrived. False prophets claimed to be the gift. Some were fooled and followed false prophets, whose leading was ludicrous, and whose answers didn’t satisfy. People continued to cry out to God, as Hannah begged me, “Put your eyes on me, just me.”
At the appointed time, He did, in the person of the Christ child. At first, the babe of Bethlehem wasn't whom they expected. He seemed so ordinary, from His birth until about 30 years of age, except for that incident in the temple at 12. His mother, Mary, knew from the moment of the angel’s announcement, the child she would bear would be the Son of God. She must have been anxious for that gift to be unwrapped, revealed. It was following her insistence that Jesus showed her His stuff, remember, when He performed His first miracle -- turning water into wine.
How many more of His gifts would come in the days ahead? With each and every one, what was revealed but the power of our Almighty God. So when people cried out, “God, look at me, just at me!” He proved Himself by healing the sick, giving the blind sight, casting out demons, even raising the dead. Now, talk about gifts.
The heavenly gift that delivers stands in stark contrast to the other gifts we’ll throw away or outgrow from Christmas. This one is imperishable, good for a lifetime. How will you and I celebrate this gift from God? Let’s keep it, treasure it, and tell about it. After all, His eyes are on you. He chose you to be His for a Merry Christmas and a blessed hereafter!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Is He at Your House and Mine?
My husband decorates our fences with greens, ribbons and lights and the mantles with fresh greens and candles. I snip holly to tuck in hurricane lamps around candles and in table arrangements. It’s beautiful, but there’s no Jesus there. I looked further at tiny wooden painted carolers, reindeer, silver angels with halos, old family ornaments and trimmings. I leafed through tablecloths and napkins, Christmas plates with bells and holly, small trumpets whispering reminders of possible accompaniment when the angels sang that night over Bethlehem…but He wasn’t there either.
Then my eyes cast on the old wooden box full of cards coming in the mail. There He was, again and again, sent across the miles from people who know, worship and adore Him. There He was on the piano music stand in the music our family played in church on Christmas Eve with violins, oboe and piano: J.S. Bach’s “Beside Thy Cradle Here I Stand!” In my Christmas jewelry box I found Him in a manger on a lapel pin to wear on my jacket. My Christmas cookie cutters include a cross (totally Jesus!) and a church we paint with frosting each year. There’s Jesus, too, all year round, on a wall icon a nephew brought from Greece.
Last night I made sugar cookie shapes with Lew, 3 and James, 5. We rolled out the dough, side by side at the kitchen table, me with my marble rolling pin and them with their child-size rolling pins. There were stars, bells, angels, gingerbread man, and candy canes. No Jesus, until little Lewie handed me several globs of dough she’d rolled in her tiny hands to bake. “It’s Baby Jesus in His manger, Oma!” she explained. Indeed, there He was, head obviously rolled and placed in that hand-hewn shape. She painted Him white with a touch of yellow, perhaps His halo. I hadn’t even thought much about that until just now, writing this. There are several nativity scenes in their home. There are also lots of car, princess and baseball ornaments on their children’s trees. But Lew pulled out the real meaning of Christmas when she fashioned the Christ Child that night with her heart and her hands, and I almost missed it because it wasn’t the prettiest cookie shape we painted, or the most obvious.
Isn’t that how the Bible describes The Christ? He was not the most handsome of all men, not to be noticed. He wasn’t that obvious. But what He did and what He does for us is the sweetest message in all the world. It fills your life with hope and joy when you find Jesus in the Baby Boy. Then Jesus will live at your house and be shared there with all who come. Merry Christmas!
Luke 2: 8-15
And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."
Then my eyes cast on the old wooden box full of cards coming in the mail. There He was, again and again, sent across the miles from people who know, worship and adore Him. There He was on the piano music stand in the music our family played in church on Christmas Eve with violins, oboe and piano: J.S. Bach’s “Beside Thy Cradle Here I Stand!” In my Christmas jewelry box I found Him in a manger on a lapel pin to wear on my jacket. My Christmas cookie cutters include a cross (totally Jesus!) and a church we paint with frosting each year. There’s Jesus, too, all year round, on a wall icon a nephew brought from Greece.
Last night I made sugar cookie shapes with Lew, 3 and James, 5. We rolled out the dough, side by side at the kitchen table, me with my marble rolling pin and them with their child-size rolling pins. There were stars, bells, angels, gingerbread man, and candy canes. No Jesus, until little Lewie handed me several globs of dough she’d rolled in her tiny hands to bake. “It’s Baby Jesus in His manger, Oma!” she explained. Indeed, there He was, head obviously rolled and placed in that hand-hewn shape. She painted Him white with a touch of yellow, perhaps His halo. I hadn’t even thought much about that until just now, writing this. There are several nativity scenes in their home. There are also lots of car, princess and baseball ornaments on their children’s trees. But Lew pulled out the real meaning of Christmas when she fashioned the Christ Child that night with her heart and her hands, and I almost missed it because it wasn’t the prettiest cookie shape we painted, or the most obvious.
Isn’t that how the Bible describes The Christ? He was not the most handsome of all men, not to be noticed. He wasn’t that obvious. But what He did and what He does for us is the sweetest message in all the world. It fills your life with hope and joy when you find Jesus in the Baby Boy. Then Jesus will live at your house and be shared there with all who come. Merry Christmas!
Luke 2: 8-15
And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."
Monday, December 21, 2009
Where is Jesus?
Here’s a note from Karen, a women’s ministries staffer out east where my 10- and 7-year-old grandchildren attend church. My daughter Jennifer left town to stay with a friend in the final stage of cancer, and Karen helped out by watching the girls one morning. It speaks for itself.
“I spent Saturday morning with Emma & Lillian. Jennifer was in AL visiting Christy and Phil had a business meeting, so I was enlisted to watch the girls. After being soundly beaten in Wii, I decided to take them to the mall to see if we could find Jesus anywhere. All we could find were two stores that sold nativity ornaments (which we had to search for amongst the millions of Santas, snowmen and reindeer).
“We boldly asked the lady in the puzzle store if Jesus was in the store and she had to search hard to find a 1000 piece puzzle of the last supper. Finding it impossible to find Jesus, we searched just for the word ‘Christmas.’ Only one store had the word in their promos. To say the least, we were bummed. On the way home, Lillian found 23 Santas, a couple dozen lit up reindeer and lots more inappropriate indications of the reason for the season. Finally, we saw a Jesus banner hanging from a house, and a plastic Mary and Joseph adoring a plastic Jesus. The girls concluded that people were missing the point of Christmas. It was a big learning experience for all of us. It was sad not to find Jesus in Christmas. Hope your Christmas overflows with Jesus. – Karen”
Now we know it’s not the retailer’s job to tell the Christmas story, and we may not be able to change the world’s mind about how to celebrate Christmas, but we can introduce the world to Jesus. For starters, someone gave me an “It’s ok. Wish me a Merry Christmas!” button to wear! It’s ok not to, also, or to not put Christmas on your store signs. It is interesting, though, that Christmas is about the birth of Christ…whether you believe He is the Savior of the world or not. Lots of people cash in on the merriment of Christmas cheer, even though they miss the message for one reason or another. Can you celebrate without Him? Sure…but then you’re not celebrating Christmas!
I don’t know if He’s in your mall or your mail, on your coat, in your spouse, or on your City Hall lawn. The question is, is He at your house? I just looked for Jesus in my own home, like Emma and Lillian looked for Him at the mall. In a few days I'll tell you what I found. Meanwhile, take a look around. Is He there?
“I spent Saturday morning with Emma & Lillian. Jennifer was in AL visiting Christy and Phil had a business meeting, so I was enlisted to watch the girls. After being soundly beaten in Wii, I decided to take them to the mall to see if we could find Jesus anywhere. All we could find were two stores that sold nativity ornaments (which we had to search for amongst the millions of Santas, snowmen and reindeer).
“We boldly asked the lady in the puzzle store if Jesus was in the store and she had to search hard to find a 1000 piece puzzle of the last supper. Finding it impossible to find Jesus, we searched just for the word ‘Christmas.’ Only one store had the word in their promos. To say the least, we were bummed. On the way home, Lillian found 23 Santas, a couple dozen lit up reindeer and lots more inappropriate indications of the reason for the season. Finally, we saw a Jesus banner hanging from a house, and a plastic Mary and Joseph adoring a plastic Jesus. The girls concluded that people were missing the point of Christmas. It was a big learning experience for all of us. It was sad not to find Jesus in Christmas. Hope your Christmas overflows with Jesus. – Karen”
Now we know it’s not the retailer’s job to tell the Christmas story, and we may not be able to change the world’s mind about how to celebrate Christmas, but we can introduce the world to Jesus. For starters, someone gave me an “It’s ok. Wish me a Merry Christmas!” button to wear! It’s ok not to, also, or to not put Christmas on your store signs. It is interesting, though, that Christmas is about the birth of Christ…whether you believe He is the Savior of the world or not. Lots of people cash in on the merriment of Christmas cheer, even though they miss the message for one reason or another. Can you celebrate without Him? Sure…but then you’re not celebrating Christmas!
I don’t know if He’s in your mall or your mail, on your coat, in your spouse, or on your City Hall lawn. The question is, is He at your house? I just looked for Jesus in my own home, like Emma and Lillian looked for Him at the mall. In a few days I'll tell you what I found. Meanwhile, take a look around. Is He there?
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