“Don’t Have a Cow!”

When I hear that phrase, I know it’s really saying, “keep a lid on it” or “cool your jets.” I always think of a restaurant in our town with a huge sign out front that reads, “Our cows died happy!” I can’t eat there; I just can’t stomach it. I’d think oh, cud, I mean, crud. I can’t chow down on a cow that somehow someone knew was happy dying. I’m not that comfortable looking my food in its face when it’s still alive. Sure, I’ve been to the Curl Up & Dye beauty shop in town, but that name was just a pun. People didn’t die; they dyed.

It reminds me of a joke: farmer Jones’ cows had stopped giving good milk. So he went around asking for advice, and someone told him happy cows give good milk. Every morning he would go out and tell some jokes to his cows, and they would all laugh. But the rest of the cows in the community thought the jokes were pretty stupid. Because of this, his cows became the laughing stock of the town.

I know, it’s udderly ridiculous! But it’s not as crazy as the prediction by ethicist Wesley Smith that by 2010 the European Court of Human Rights will declare chimpanzees to be legal persons in Europe. I wonder if they’ll get medical benefits and public education or if they’ll just be allowed to monkey around in zoos and the wild? Just when you thought you’d heard everything! Sure, I don’t like seeing the cow that’s going to become my steak, but I also don’t like thinking of that cow being bestowed legal personhood.

The future is coming fast. Are we going to embrace it or fear it, cave in or steer it? As someone once said, “I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know who holds the future.” I echo the words of the Psalmist speaking to the Lord, “My times are in Your hand” (Psalm 31:15a). Knowing we can trust Him, we can breathe easy and remind ourselves, “Don’t have a cow!”